“My goat drank half of my salary again!”
“I told this goat a hundred times – change your job, but will he really listen?”
“I spent the best years on him, a goat, but will this ungrateful brute appreciate?”
Have you ever heard such monologues? Me – dozens, if not hundreds of times. The “goats” themselves do not go to psychologists, but the wives of the “goats” in the psychotherapist s office are frequent guests. And their main request is: “Help change the goat!” At the same time, practically no one is going to divorce the “goat” – the best years have already been spent on him! – The “goat” just needs to be changed, made a man. And further in the same spirit.
I am absolutely sure that no girl chooses a “goat” as her husband. As a rule, they marry a “Prince Charming”. But after a few years, an amazing evolution takes place – the biped turns into an artiodactyl … Why do quite decent men suddenly have horns and hooves?
No, no, nothing terrible happens to men. It s just that from the day of the wedding, a program begins to work in a woman s head, laid down in her early childhood: “All men are goats!” And the poor young wife is not at all to blame, she just grew up in a family where there was a cult of disrespect for a man.
Why, pray tell, to respect him? He drinks, beats his mother, he won’t hammer a nail at home, etc. Or a quiet and squishy person who sits all day in the garage, collects ship models instead of earning normal money. And it happens that a man seems to be normal, with hands and a head, and brings money into the house, but everything is not enough for mom – pearls are too small! Or even worse – there was no dad at all, he left us, “goat”, as soon as he found out about mom s pregnancy.
And a girl grows up in such a family, clearly understanding: men are not worthy of respect, and even the best of them sooner or later become “goats”. There is an even more cruel setting – a program of hatred for the entire stronger sex. But in such cases a woman often remains lonely, since she simply cannot find a mate for herself, because all the men around are “goats”!
Think about it, the boys grew up in exactly the same family where dad was a “worthless loser.” But the little son, blood, became the last mother s joy and hope. A normal person will come out of him, but his mother does everything for him! But how can you grow into a real man, when the main example is your own dad – a “goat”? And the poor boy grows up in the most clinch – he does not respect his father, or even despises, and there is no example of a “real man” in front of his eyes, but from his son they expect male decisions and actions. As a result, he either himself becomes a “goat” for another victim of the program of disrespect for men, or forever remains a “mama s boy.”
If you dig a little deeper, it turns out that my mother is also not to blame – my grandmother has spent her whole life with her grandfather, “that still a goat,” The scheme has been worked out by generations. Vicious circle.
What to do? You can leave everything as before: wives continue to complain to friends and neighbors for years that “my goat has already got it!â€, And husbands accept the presence of horns and hooves and somehow coexist with their wife further: “What? everyone lives like that … ”
Another option is long-term psychotherapy. Only a few decide on this. But as a result of this hard and painstaking work, the man s horns and hooves fall off, and the woman begins to communicate with her husband not from the position of “you are a worthless fool, I will explain to you how it should be,” but as befits the head of the family – with respect.
So both man and woman learn to finally take responsibility for what happens in their lives. Long, hard, painful, but they begin to look at the world with different eyes, getting rid of negative family attitudes. And only then the “goat” and his “victim” give way to the Man and the Woman – a mature and loving married couple.
Alexey Afanasov,
psychologist, leading practice and trainings