Does every unsuccessful attempt to get to know a girl engrave in your memory and haunt you? Are you losing confidence in yourself more and more? Clearly, you take the failure personally and don t want to feel embarrassed or ashamed anymore.
But you can t stop and wait for happiness to fall on your head! It s time to deal with your fears, because the roots of the problem are in them.
Fears that prevent you from getting to know each other
Fear of rejection
It is unpleasant for any person to be rejected. Moreover, when it comes to strong feelings for a girl.
Remember your last experience. You spent so much time gathering your courage, choosing your words, waiting for the right moment. And although you were fully armed, – unexpectedly and extremely offensively – she does not want to meet you. Of course, this is a blow to your ego. Every man needs to feel attractive. And the next time you do not take decisive steps, because you are unable to accept another refusal.
Public opinion fear
They gave you a hang-up, and even in public. Or even worse, were your friends nearby? Naturally, you do not want to lose face, especially in the eyes of your acquaintances. It is the fear of being humiliated that makes you look for reasons not to meet the girl you like.
Relax. Nobody thinks about you for more than ten minutes. We eat each one with our own complexes and problems.
Fear of Comparison with Others
This is from self-doubt. You subconsciously imagine her exes (or maybe you know about them). It seems to you that they are better and more worthy than you. You think, “So why would I impose on her? Not that she needs! ”
They say that modest and insecure men are not popular with women. After all, there is a stereotype of “real macho”: he is brave, strong and determined. But, by the way, it can be difficult to get along with such a partner. And many girls dream of a sweet, romantic, family guy. Timid and sensitive are also worthy of love, you don t have to pretend to be some kind of alpha male. It is enough to be yourself.
Fear of losing something really important
Every man has his own values. You may be afraid of losing your freedom if you have been a bachelor for a long time. Or lose money if you are not sure about the sincerity of women. Finally, you can just cherish the familiar and comfortable lifestyle that will change if you have a relationship.
What to do?
You probably found one or two reasons why you are embarrassed to meet. And you say to me: “So what s next? I know I m afraid how this will help! I want real practical advice! ” Do not rush! Self-awareness leads to the right action. Now I will give you some life hacks.
Dress up!
What can primarily contribute to the acquaintance with a beauty? Your appearance! Yes, yes, according to their clothes, as they say, they meet. And women, first of all, evaluate us with their eyes. If you are not familiar with high fashion, this is not a big deal. The main thing is to look neat. No dirty or wrinkled clothes or shoes.
Dress so that you feel confident, you should like yourself.
Try to match your appearance to the circumstances. If this is an acquaintance in a cafe, on the street or visiting friends, choose a casual style. If at work, observe the appropriate dress code.
Develop self-confidence
You will have a hard time without her! A woman intuitively feels a strong man and is drawn to him. The doubt in your eyes can push her away. Praise yourself more often, and do not engage in self-criticism. Notice your strengths. And love yourself the way you are – girls are great at reading how you feel about yourself. And trust your opinion of yourself.
Can t you develop this quality in yourself? Read books. Or ask a coach for help.
Don t be afraid of rejection
The only bad thing about rejection is that you might feel awkward. No more.
Understand, nothing bad will happen if the girl rejects you. You, too, do not like all the fair sex, respect their right to refuse. Maybe it s just the wrong time, place, or circumstance. Not everything in the world depends on how good you are. And she s not the only one of its kind.
Treat finding a soul mate calmly as a pleasant and interesting job. You can make a hundred attempts until you find one that will be attractive in appearance and, which is important, with whom you will be really good.
And if you are in love with that one, be persistent. Girls, as you know, love to break. Next time it can work out!
Know that deep down, girls love to be met and asked out on dates. They are pleased with our attention. Therefore, the next time you aim to approach the chosen one, think that she also wants it.
Learn to communicate
This ability will be useful to you not only for the first meeting, but also for the continuation of the relationship.
To develop your communication skills, get to know more people of both sexes just like that, without serious goals and plans for the future. You need to practice this skill without unnecessary stress.
And with the person you like, you can strike up a conversation with some innocent phrase like: “How to get to the metro?” The girl will not refuse to answer. Feel free to compliment women. Even if nothing follows after this, you will endear the girl to yourself, and she will react aggressively to your courtesy. And then everything depends on you. It will be sincere and everything will work out.
Imagine the ultimate goal
Acquaintance is only the first step to achieving what you want. Think about how you will be together: doing what you love, traveling, walking, etc. The stimulus will give you energy, and the path to reward will not be so difficult and thorny.
It is a big misconception that real men always and everywhere take the initiative and decisively make contact. Men are people too, and they tend, like women, to be shy and afraid.
But getting to know a girl is not as scary as you think. Treat it like a game, excessive seriousness and stress are only harmful. And the first negative reaction of the chosen one is not a reason for despair, perhaps you just need to go from the other side. So away with doubts and fears, it s time to act!
Alexey Afanasov,
psychologist, leading practice and trainings