Have you ever heard the saying “jealousy is the salt of love� And no one disputes that a drop of jealousy gives a taste to feelings. Only jealousy in feelings, like salt in a dish, should be a pinch! Otherwise, both good food and high feelings simply fly into the trash!
Both men and women are jealous equally often. However, the nature of jealousy, oddly enough, has gender differences.
Woman most often regards real or perceived betrayal as betrayal by the closest person, and the physical side of the issue is of secondary importance (“What difference does it make – slept or not slept, if you think about her, you want to be with her!” etc.). A man, first of all, suffers from physical betrayal. That is, male jealousy in most cases is based on sex, while female jealousy is based on emotions.
We will return to the issue of female jealousy in the next article, and today our goal is to deal with the jealousy of the strong half.
Let s start, as they say, ab ovo – “from the egg,†that is, from childhood. Any baby, regardless of gender, is jealous of the mother.
A grown-up jealous person will unleash his resentment, anger and disappointment on the woman, and the opponent will get only crumbs of emotions.
Let s remember the classics:
Othello strangles Desdemona with his own hands, and entrusts his rival, Cassio, to his friend Iago (in the end, Desdemona is dead, Cassio is alive).
Karandyshev in “Bridannytsya” with a shout “So don t get it to anyone!” kills Larisa, but he has no idea to deal with Paratov or whoever he suspects there.
Rogozhin in the immortal “Idiot” stabs Nastasya Filippovna (well, here, of course, jealousy for the whole world, not only for Prince Myshkin, but no one except his beloved is killed in the end!), And a short time later he sheds tears for your great love.
As the saying goes – that s all you need to know about male jealousy (just kidding!).
In male jealousy, the sexual principle always dominates. It is physical betrayal that hurts a man the most! If a woman has moved away, emotionally attached to another, yes, in the end, she directly speaks of love for another, but without physical betrayal, this almost justifies her in the eyes of her beloved.
The man is terribly afraid of becoming a cuckold. This is the fear of being humiliated by another man, being an insolvent lover, being funny in the eyes of others …
Moreover, in most cases, a man blames not himself for real or perceived betrayal, but the woman or others. And the biggest jealous people are self-centered egoists.
Some types of male jealousy
Jealous owner
“My woman is my property!” Since patriarchal times, a man has become accustomed to absolute power over a woman. Total control and restriction of freedom make it possible to reduce the number of potential rivals to almost zero. Needless to say, the life of a woman with such a partner is just hell! Any little thing – bright makeup, a five-minute delay, coffee gatherings with a friend (and if, God forbid, it won t be coffee, but wine) – can provoke a multi-day conflict.
Abandoned man
Such a person is afraid to step on a familiar rake. He has already been abandoned for the sake of another, and he is maniacally looking for signs of impending (or happened) betrayal. In this situation, you can understand a jealous person, but it will take a long time and painstakingly to deal with his fears, and both …
Jealous Manipulator
For many men, jealousy is also a method of manipulation. The man is the head, the owner, the breadwinner. But if you can t match these statuses, you can improve your self-esteem at the expense of the woman. After all, constant suspicions sooner or later develop in the “victim” a sense of guilt. And a partner who feels guilty in front of you is so easy to manipulate!
Pathological, off-scale jealousy has not brought peace and harmony to anyone else. But there are many couples destroyed by jealousy.
Advice! Limit your alcohol intake.
It is under “wine pairs” that a man is inclined to bring his own speculations to the point of absurdity. And it even happens to instill decency in his half with the help of fists.
Sometimes a man himself is not happy to live in the role of Othello, every minute expecting to earn the title of “cuckold”. But how to deal with yourself? Of course, the best and most effective way is to see a psychologist. But … To admit to oneself in one s own problems is the lot of a very strong personality. Not everyone is ready to take such a decisive step. OK. Try to start small. Read the literature on this topic, analyze your behavior and consider your own perspectives, can you cope with your jealousy on your own?
3 Reasons to Cure Jealousy:
1. Medical statistics
Research data clearly show that jealous people are more likely to have heart and vascular problems. But if you are not sorry for 10-15 years of your life – then, of course, keep playing Othello.
2. Frightening prospects
Think about what the future holds for you. Are you sure that your half will withstand constant suspicion and nagging? Hardly. As a result, on the verge of old age, you will find yourself alone.
And, by the way, children in pairs, where the husband terrorizes his wife, is almost always on the mother s side, and communication with the father is minimized. How do you like this prospect?
3. A beautiful woman is not part of your image
If you regard your soul mate as a good investment, a beautiful rim of a successful man, like an expensive watch or a yacht, be prepared that your environment will look at it the same way (while it is logical to assume that such value would be nice to have).
If your woman is dear to you not only as a beautiful wrapper, show respect for her.
Male jealousy is an obsession with infidelity, a painful expectation that a loved one will find better, more beautiful, sexier. This is a constant fear of what others will say and think, the fear of being funny.
It is clear that one cannot build any bright future with such baggage. Simply because in a relationship there is no place for the main things – trust and respect.
It s better to learn to trust and respect your loved one than to purposefully kill love, isn t it?
Lyudmila Ivanovskaya,
psychologist, trainer, specialist in the field of relations
and family constellations