I have talked more than once about the benefits of self-sufficiency and the loss of attachment. This article is a bit of a disclaimer. Seekers who are passionate about psychology and esotericism often elevate self-sufficiency to the rank of indispensable for achieving the ideal, and perceive attachment as a lousy flaw. And behind this maneuver usually lies the justification of their own social phobia (fear of society).
Next, I will talk about the importance of society for an individual. I ll start a little from afar.
Since time immemorial, individuals prone to solitude have been torn away from the herd, so they survived and reproduced worse. As a result, their genes, containing self-sufficiency and fearlessness, did not have time to pass on to descendants.
Individuals not indifferent to relationships multiplied more actively, and inherited their fear of loneliness to future generations. The successors filtered fear with their psyche in a new circle: the genes of individuals torn from the herd were filtered out, and the legacy of individuals tied to the company was consolidated.
Imagine an island with inhabitants. Some of the islanders want to leave the island, while others want to stay on it. The rest give birth to offspring on the island – children who inherit the genes of their parents, and in the same family spirit cling to the familiar space. After a dozen generations, no one wants to leave the island, because all its population is the heirs of ancestors who wished to stay.
Now imagine that the island is life on earth. Inhabitants who tend to start relationships and reproduce remain here and pass on their genotype.
The thirst for relationships, passing through thousands of generations, was fixed again and again, intensified and acquired a rich palette of new shades. We call them in general terms “loveâ€.
Now remember what effect “love” has on everything, everything in life. Look inside yourself. Your mind is the pinnacle of crystallized instincts for survival and reproduction. Everything you feel is a select heritage of antiquity.
In modern man, love and fear have become the central stimuli of the soul. They are so deeply entrenched that the intention to surpass them is more often than not arrogant naivety; and the ultimate spiritualized self-sufficiency is a beautiful fantastic ideal.
We are the descendants of the ancient “islanders”.
Social phobia
A direct encounter with loneliness is a challenge for the strong in spirit. It s easier to cover up this fear by communicating with friends and family. It s naturally. But the soul does not rest on this; it “requires” from the individual and coping with loneliness, and communication skills at the same time.
Otherwise, if the challenge of loneliness is not accepted, any possible relationship is poisoned by this fear. And if the challenge of society is not accepted, an alarming background of such an unpleasant truth is strengthened in the soul that solitude is not at all a conscious choice, but a forced flight from the world because of its failure in relations with it.
Self-sufficiency, fueled by social phobia, is just a beautiful mask, but in fact – turned inside out, a thirst for society.
Sociophobia is not a fear of society itself, but the fear of being worthless in its eyes, rejected by social “natural selectionâ€. Alone with himself, the recluse can think of himself, whatever. And a collision with people threatens him with unflattering doubts about himself. As a result, it is easier to continue to close.
Fear of the stage, new acquaintances and unfamiliar conditions – all this is the avoidance of checking one s self-esteem in action. And the more compact life is, the easier it is to imagine yourself special in it.
The root of insecurity is an unstable opinion about yourself and your real qualities. Fluctuating self-esteem, inclined to fall into low ratings, is the main reason for vulnerability and subsequent cramped life, where only one can maintain a sense of self-importance. On progressman.ru a whole section is devoted to this topic.
Sociophobia is treated by self-knowledge with the help of sensitive introspection and in the “field” conditions of live communication, when fear is met face to face.
Experienced islanders
Only a person who is confidently in contact with society can be independent of it. An experienced fisherman does not worry about the fish that has fallen off the hook – he knows that he will catch more. A successfully communicating person does not worry about broken ties – he knows that he will establish new ones.
Therefore, it is important for social confidence to ascertain your ability to make and build new connections (with friends and loved ones). Otherwise, any possible relationship becomes toxic from the fear of being unnecessary to anyone (insignificance).
A strong personality knows how to arrange joys on their own: to collect loved ones and create a sphere for joint leisure. Of course, this is not Buddha s self-sufficiency. But, if you like, a necessary step to it. At this stage, the fear of loneliness recedes noticeably.
In a previous article, I suggested visualizing a life without fear. Here s another one:
Imagine what your happiness could be in real life. Take a moment to fantasize. In such a life, there may be, for example, material well-being and a big house with friends of your level of development, where warmth and understanding reigns.
Do you become motivated to move towards the desired life? If not, then calmly admit that today s conditions are fine.
Smart people are faced with the temptation to feed from the trough of mocking cynicism, where the joyous and the light is devalued – another way to justify the fear of their “unworthiness” of the desired (society).
Social networks are wandering, allegedly information from “The Washington Post»About the importance of friendship. They say that it is more important for health and longevity than diets and physical activities. And friendship has a real healing effect only through personal contact. Online communication doesn t work.
Even if this information is a news duck, it is still not devoid of truth. The psyche from the depths of the soul rejoices in the society of its peers. It doesn t matter why – a tribute to instincts, or high love; the main thing is that it works. And the psychosomatic influence of the soul on the body is already a scientific fact.
Therefore, no matter how simple it may sound, take care of each other.
© Igor Satorin
Other articles on similar topics:
- Boredom and fear
- Society stereotypes and personal freedom
- To begin a new life
- Confidence and self-doubt
- “I”, “It” and “Super-I”, or “Psychoanalysis for Dummies”
For reference:
Sociophobia is, to put it simply, the fear of society and its attention to itself. Do not confuse with misanthropy – hostile opposition to society.
In contrast to social phobia and misanthropy, humanism is distinguished – this is, in simple terms, love for people; or rather, such a position in life where a person with his nature is presented as the highest value. During the Renaissance, this worldview was something of a protest against church despotism in relation to the individual.
P.S.
I am not suggesting that natural selection and genes are the only cause of innate traits. I fully admit that everyone has their own “karma” and life lessons that are compulsory for passing.