“Love for all ages!” Is an old truth that is not in doubt. Nevertheless, couples with a large age difference are still scrutinized by society under a magnifying glass.

And if a man is ten years older than his beloved, this is already familiar to the eye, then the union of a young man and an adult lady is an endless topic for discussion.

Despite this, young men are increasingly trying to build relationships with mature women, and successful ladies choose young boyfriends as companions. What drives both sides? Let s take a look and define the pros and cons of such a relationship for everyone.

5 pluses for a woman

  • Self-esteem. When a young man looks at a woman with adoring eyes, she feels like a real beauty.
  • Eternal youth. As the French say: “A woman is as old as her lover.” Therefore, an adult lady always has an incentive to keep herself in shape. And the vivid emotions that a young lover gives make a woman psychologically younger.
  • Live today and now! An adult and wise woman knows perfectly well what she wants from this relationship. In addition, she understands that love and passion are not eternal. Therefore, such relationships are often emotionally saturated, but without unnecessary drama.
  • No baggage of the past. The young partner does not have a heavy burden of former relationships behind him, less cynicism and bachelor habits acquired over the years. The experience of past relationships, which often complicates the life of a couple, is borne only by a woman. And this is half the risk!
  • Sex. The young partner has a temperament that often became just a memory for her peers. Therefore, couples with a large age difference often have complete compatibility in sex.

5 pluses for a man

  • Personal growth. As a rule, a confident, accomplished woman chooses a young life partner. Next to such a lady, a young man feels special, grows up in his own eyes and, accordingly, tries to be worthy of his girlfriend in everything.
  • Rare conflicts. An intelligent woman (namely, such – smart and beautiful – as a rule, young people choose as companions) appreciates a comfortable existence. Thanks to a wise friend, conflicts and quarrels cost “little blood”, if at all. And it is this quality that men value in such a relationship above all else.
  • Independence and personal space. The young boyfriend has much more freedom in such a relationship. And he understands that such freedom is not a sign of indifference, but mutual respect for each other s personal boundaries.
  • Variety in sex. Girls are inexperienced, and most expect cinematic romance from a partner. An adult woman thinks about how much pleasure she can give herself and her partner, and truly appreciates the joy of sex. It is not surprising that, first of all, young people dream of an older friend precisely in anticipation of luxurious sex. And, as a rule, they are not disappointed in this aspect of the relationship.
  • Friend and mentor. An adult lover has much more experience in all areas, she can give valuable life advice, support in difficult times, talk without hesitation on any topic, direct the aspirations of a young friend in the right direction.


A wonderful picture is taking shape, isn t it? Well, now let s see what pitfalls await a couple in this world of wisdom, harmony, eternal youth and sex.

  • Who is the head in this house? If a man, despite his young age, has leadership qualities, he will strive for leadership in relationships. And here for a wise woman (despite her greater life experience), the only option is to yield. If she is not ready for this, the relationship will quickly fizzle out.
  • Plans for the future. Huge difficulties await a couple if they have a different outlook on a joint future. For example, a woman dreams of living with a young friend in a quiet family harbor, surrounded by happy children, but the young friend is not yet ready for this. He, of course, does not mind, but in ten years, and for his girlfriend, time is ticking rapidly …

Or, on the contrary, a young man wants to become a father, and his beloved has children of the same age as her boyfriend, and she is not ready to go through the joys of motherhood again …
The only option is to honestly discuss all the nuances in order to know exactly what the partner expects from the relationship.

  • Jealousy. This monster awaits lovers on both sides. Over the years, a woman may lose her former confidence and begin daily counting wrinkles, and a young man, due to his young temperament, will suspect his beloved of endless adultery – he thinks that such a queen will easily find a replacement for him, especially in bed …
  • Disappointment. If a man does not grow, does not develop, he may simply bore his older girlfriend.

And a man may eventually become disappointed (after all, young people are such maximalists!) If he initially idealized his beautiful lady and their great love too much.

  • Money. Differences in financial position can become a global problem. As a rule, if a woman is ten to twenty years older, she earns much more. There are many scenarios here:

– the guy suffers from the fact that he cannot provide his beloved with the standard of living to which she is accustomed;

– the boyfriend happily accepts any help, and in the end the woman sees in front of her not the beloved, but the banal gigolo;

– the couple is trying to find a compromise, but good intentions are broken on reality (what to do if she is used to flying business class, and he prefers to hitchhike?).

Happiness, as you know, is not about money, but often it is they who can destroy it …

Do unequal couples have a future?

As you can see, there are approximately equal pluses and minuses in a union where the woman is older. You can give examples of both long and harmonious relationships, and short passionate novels. But the main feature of such an alliance (we are now deliberately not talking about great love) is that this relationship is convenient. Comfortable for both a young man and a woman. This means that such an alliance has long-term prospects.

Lyudmila Ivanovskaya,
psychologist, trainer, specialist in the field of relations

and family constellations

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