Since ancient times, people have made sacrifices to their gods. It just so happened. Higher powers will not be supportive if they are not appeased. And to this day, we carry in ourselves the genetic memory that happiness is a reward for the sacrifice that we brought to our idol… In love relationships and family life, this scheme is still in demand. And more often than not, it is women who bring careers, hobbies and favorite entertainment to the altar of great feelings. But what about? Love requires sacrifice!

Let s see, does a great feeling really need sacrifice? And who really needs self-denial and suffering?

More often than not, sacrifices in the name of love are most needed by the one who makes them. After all, sacrifice is rarely a secret: sooner or later the whole world will know about it. Because sacrificing yourself on the sly, without admiration and sympathy from the outside is somehow meaningless. And how beautiful it sounds: “I sacrificed my career for you!” (or: pilates, raw food, weekly bachelorette parties). And life immediately fills with meaning, and love seems so strong, because “I m ready for anything for him”

At the same time, the man, perhaps, does not even know that his beloved quit smoking for his sake, and not for his own health; that daily coffee in bed for her husband turns out to be a duty, not a pleasure for her; that all the housework that she has taken upon herself, she pulls martyrically, like a heavy cross.

The man is already accustomed to the fact that all this is in the order of things; he has no other way of living together now. But sooner or later reproaches will fly to my husband – “I am for you … and you …” And he didn’t even know that this, it turns out, was the Great Sacrifice on her part!

Most often, such an altar sincerely puts all its strength into a loved one, uses every opportunity to help him realize himself, make a career, and become the best. At the same time, there is neither strength nor time left for oneself. A woman believes with all her heart that the sacrifices she makes will return to her a hundredfold in the future. But often it turns out to be not as rosy as she imagined.

The reason is simple – she invests only in her beloved, she does not make any investments in herself. And over time, her chosen one, who has reached heights, either leaves a bored, uninteresting wife, spitting on all her sacrifices, or stays with her only out of pity: after all, she did so much for him. But he does not love and does not consider her as equal. Sacrifice is not at all attractive and not sexual at all.

What kind of women sacrifice themselves?

  • Insecure – they consider themselves unworthy of love and happiness “just like that”, without sacrifices.

  • Those whose mother behaved in a similar way with dad – they absorb this model from childhood as the only correct one.

  • Those who do not want to take responsibility for their own mistakes and failures (“It was because of him that my life did not work out, I sacrificed everything for him!”).

  • Dependent on the opinions of others – thus they create in the eyes of society the image of the great martyr.

  • Financially dependent on their husbands – they loudly voice to the spouse what sacrifices they make for him, thus trying to keep their “money bag”.

Who ultimately suffers from such sacrifice? And everyone suffers! It is hard and unpleasant for a man to constantly hear that he has ruined his youth, his best years, and the whole life of his beloved woman. It s unpleasant to live with guilt.

Yes, and at some point it becomes clear to the altar: the deity does not answer her, does not repay it with love and care … and, what is even sadder, finally realizes that no one needed these sacrifices at all!

Is true love possible without sacrifice? I am sure that it is possible. But without mutual concessions – no.

It s important to realize that out of line walking the dog, skipping a workout to cook dinner, or watching a soccer game together are the compromises every couple needs. Don t consider them a victim.

But if you feel an urgent need to sacrifice everything for the sake of your beloved, if you certainly want to do something heroic to please your partner, be prepared for the fact that such a feat will cause admiration only for you. And no one will appreciate it.

Love is a bright feeling. She should bring joy and pleasure to both. Don t spoil your life with unnecessary suffering.

Lyudmila Ivanovskaya,
psychologist, trainer, specialist in the field of relations
and family constellations

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