Falling in love, we seem to flutter over the earth, see good signs everywhere and sacredly believe that this person was sent to us from above. At this moment, we do not think that our couple can face a test and, perhaps, the relationship will have to be saved.
When the first charm of lovers has passed, it s time to work on the relationship.
1. Give up the competition
Yes, it is necessary to inspire a loved one for development, but only unobtrusively, without a victorious cry “I am ahead again!” Don t emphasize that you are better at something. But if you really want to – talk about it jokingly.
Save the competition for work. Remember, persistently proving your intellectual or physical superiority to your partner will only irritate and humiliate him, not stimulate him to pull up to your level.
2. Make a compromise
Leave youthful maximalism and tough defending your point of view in the past.
Of course, you shouldn t give in in everything! But mature relationships require partners to be flexible and willing to compromise. Learn to look for a solution that works for both.
Remember, your partner is a mature personality with their own worldview. Leave him the right to make the final decisions that he (she) believes to be correct, even if you would have acted differently.
3. Learn to listen
Learn active listening techniques. Two lines are not enough here. Much has been written about him, it is a really useful thing.
The main thing is that active listening relieves emerging conflicts and tension, establishes contact, creates a warm, trusting atmosphere. Try it!
4. Pause your quarrels
And in the most friendly family, quarrels occur from time to time. There is no need to be afraid of this. Thanks to quarrels, we can express long-standing resentments and experiences. Such a showdown is beneficial to the couple: we begin to take care of each other s feelings.
It s another matter if soon everything comes to open insults and accusations of each other for all past and future sins. Simply put – you are about to quarrel to smithereens!
As they say, the word is not a sparrow, if it flies out, you won t catch it! Therefore, take the command “time out!” If the fight goes too far, either of you can say “stop” and step aside to give both of you a little time to cool down and reflect on what is happening. This will save you from words spoken in the heat of the moment that your loved one is unlikely to be able to forget.
5. Be honest with each other
Small lies breed big ones. And then you either “pierce” yourself, or somewhere the sixth sense of a partner will work, and the intuition of a loving person is a powerful radar! Do not lie even on trifles. Choose a trusting, intimate relationship.
6. Let s be alone
We all need to be alone with ourselves sometimes. If a partner needs therapeutic solitude, give him that opportunity, do not bother or interrogate him, just be nearby.
Reasonable freedom and intelligent care are the foundation of a happy relationship.
Lyudmila Ivanovskaya,
psychologist, trainer, specialist in the field of relations
and family constellations