In the last article we talked about male manipulation. But women also skillfully use the weak points of men to get their way.
Frankly, we all sometimes use manipulative techniques. The kid cries, begging for a toy, and his mother says that he will get the toy only if he eats all the porridge; a girl at work pretends to be a “stupid blonde”, counting on the help of a colleague … Often we do this unconsciously, but for some ladies manipulations become a lifestyle.
Female manipulation and ways to protect against them
“I ll leave you!”
(A more insidious option: “I’ll file for divorce and take the children!â€) Read: if you don’t do what I need, you will be left alone. And the fear of loneliness is among the most powerful and widespread, it is so easy to play on it.
What to do? Accept that your relationship may actually end someday. Stop being afraid of it.
“You should!”
“A man must take care of a woman!” This postulate has been hammered into the heads of both girls and boys since childhood and works one hundred percent! “If you love me, then you must …” With the help of a simple combination “loves – must” a woman achieves everything she needs.
And now the man begins to confuse his own needs with family needs. And the needs of the family are often just the whim of the capricious wife.
What to do? Include healthy selfishness, do not sacrifice your own interests for the sake of loved ones. Learn to distinguish what is important to you personally and what is important to your family.
“You are guilty!”
One of the simplest and most effective manipulations. The husband is accused of all family problems without trial or investigation. And the louder and more emotional the “sentence” sounds, the better! The situation has already been escalated to the utmost, and the guilty person is ready to do anything to stop the flurry of reproaches, then the “victim” finally offers options on how to “make amends” …
What to do? Have your own point of view “what is good and what is bad.” And learn to honestly answer the question: Am I really screwed up or am I just being used?
“A real man”
This image of a woman is used simply masterly! Even when you are still “baby, pants with shoulder strapsâ€, mothers and grandmothers are already suggesting that you are a future man and should do this and that. He did what we, weak women, are comfortable with – well done, a real man. As a result, the following ideal is formed: “a real man” – the one who unquestioningly fulfills all women s desires, sensitively listens to her priceless instructions, and, of course, takes all responsibility upon himself!
What to do? Don t give a damn if you don t fit someone s idea of ??a “real man.”
Flattery
Female flattery is capable of twisting ropes from men! It s so nice to feel like a hero. And having become so – to correspond and not to disappoint your loved one. But flattery is precisely aimed at making a man lose his sense of reality. A woman praises not your real qualities, but those that she wants to see in you … And if you do something in your own way, you often hear: “Oh, I thought you were like that, and you are so!â€.
What to do? Assess yourself objectively. Learn to recognize flattery. If you hear compliments for those qualities that you clearly do not have, or for those actions that are unusual for you, the conclusion is simple – they are trying to manipulate you.
“You are so good!”
(Or: “So kind, generous, magnanimous. Can you help? ..” – familiar words, right? And if you are really kind and generous, you will endlessly help, save, forgive, receiving nothing in return – after all, you are good , not she …
What to do? If you like to share everything with your beloved and not receive anything in return – great! If not, step on the throat of your own song and accept only an equal exchange of resources, do not let yourself be used.
“Poor sheep”
Weakness, defenselessness, touching helplessness – all these qualities often become powerful weapons in female manipulation. “Ah, I don’t understand anything at all! Oh, I can t do it, I m just a weak woman! ” – and now the protector and assistant diligently does everything that the lady asks for. As a result, a “weak and stupid” woman is content to watch you solve a bunch of her problems that you shouldn t care about at all.
What to do? Learn to refuse if in this case you do not want to help, because your beloved may well cope on her own.
“I m offended!”
One of the favorite female manipulations. Do you want to do this and that? Excellent! A whole “bouquet” awaits you – scandals, tears, boycott, refusal to have sex. As soon as you fulfill the whim of your “princess”, peace and harmony will come again in the relationship. True, not for long – until the next whim …
What to do? We ll have to figure out – where the female resentment has a real reason, and where is just a way to force you to do what is beneficial to her.
“Is it weak?”
Of course, a man never wants to look like a coward, a rag, a layman or an indecisive “mama s boy” in the eyes of those around him. And here is just a freedom for manipulation. The challenge is great leverage. “Prove that you can! Prove that you are cool! Or weak? ” – and you are ready to move mountains!
What to do? The word “weak” naturally hurts your ambitions, makes you want to prove something. Just think, do you need to prove something to someone? If not, do as you see fit.
Conclusion: if you want to protect yourself from someone else s influence, analyze your own behavior, find your weaknesses. These will be the very “hooks” on which the lady-manipulator hooks you. Work on yourself, strive for independence, and then no one will ever force you to be a pawn in their game.
A more radical option is to end the relationship with this woman and put yourself differently in the new relationship from the very beginning. You decide.
Lyudmila Ivanovskaya,
psychologist, trainer, specialist in the field of relations
and family constellations