Active and passive men in relationships

There are specific traits of an attractive male that some active males successfully imitate, thus demonstrating their relevance. Even if a man is not handsome or rich, he can be sexually attractive if he feels how these signs work. To do this, a man must demonstrate to a woman his active “beginning”, prove to her that he is an alpha male, while allowing the woman to remain passive. And for this a man does not need mountains of “gold”, but needs external confidence and activity, which he positions the woman.

Even when not the cutest guy acts confidently, gives flowers, sweets, invites to the cinema, a woman feels like a woman. She senses the active masculine yang doing cognitive massage to her feminine yin. The woman remains passive, she is sought, influenced, possessed.

As the Russian sociologist I. Kon said: “A man is a violinist, and a woman is a violin, from which he, thanks to his talent and skill, with the help of his bow, extracts enchanting sounds“. This is what makes a woman feminine. A woman is turned on by an active, confident man, because next to him, she can afford to remain weak and passive. At this time, she feels protected and can open up to what is happening with confidence.

And how sometimes “passivity” does not suit a man in the eyes of a woman! Here, the polarity of passivity and activity is simplified as the ability to defend and the need for protection: you are either a defender, or you are looking for a place behind the defender’s shield.

“Legs” of this phenomenon grow from early childhood. The child feels protected, “like a stone wall” next to his parents. Adults take care of the child, take responsibility for his actions, help out, help in everything and teach life. It is not easy for young people to grow up and part with this “protection”. Therefore, such concern for the mentally youthful easily turns into what psychologists call overprotection. a kind of concern that becomes one big “disservice” for a growing person an eternal crutch on an independent path through life.

Being under guardianship, a person is relieved of the burden of responsibility for his actions, he does not have the need to grow up, and then the temptation is great to remain an infantile, weak and passive person who is not ready to meet and overcome life’s difficulties. A separate article is devoted to the topic of responsibility on progressman.ru.

Many young people carry over the need for “parents” into adulthood. Then the man, for example, is inclined to look for the “analogue” of the mother in the person of his wife. And the wife can perceive the husband as a caring father, especially when they have a noticeable age difference. To some extent, the bosses at work, an older friend, a brother – any person on whom it turns out to be dumped with care and responsibility for their lives, becomes a substitute for parents for the wards.

Some couples are quite satisfied with this situation when a man – under the heel behind the shield of a woman. Introverts are especially prone to passivity. It is psychologically easier for them to remain in the shadows and humbly accept circumstances than to take the initiative into their own hands. This is not a rule, but a pattern.

extraversion introversionHere I want to make an important reservation. It may seem that extraversion is a sign of a strong and courageous person who, overcoming fear, has learned to act. In fact, the real challenge for an extrovert is a solitary immersion in his inner world, from which he diligently hides in events, meetings, companies and other vanity. An extrovert fears loneliness as much as an introvert fears active public participation in public events. The extrovert is forgotten in the movement of physical reality, so as not to feel their fears.

A “refined” extrovert may appear active and courageous, but at the same time remain very superficial in his feelings. This is how a strong man feels like a schoolboy when it comes to his feelings.

An introvert can appear deep, thoughtful, and choosy when it comes to intuition, creativity, relationships, and expressing feelings. But he often has difficulties in terms of “real” actions. For example, asking a girl out on a date for a passive introvert can turn out to be a whole event filled with vivid experiences, fears and expectations. An extrovert also knows how to worry. But for him, experiences are practically inseparable from actions.

Roughly speaking, introverts sometimes bother too much – they complicate events with their experiences, spin thoughts and emotions around simple actions to the extreme. Extroverts, on the other hand, are too easy on certain events, acting like an elephant in a china shop where sensitivity and legibility are required.

At the same time, not every man who is passive in a relationship is necessarily an introvert. Extroverts feel more confident in the field of action as such, but they may be shy and afraid of new steps in narrow, concrete, emotionally charged areas where fear of rejection is triggered. Likewise, not every active man in a relationship is necessarily an extrovert. Introverts are able to act confidently when they know exactly what they want.

In general, we can say that extroverts are active at the event level and remain constrained and timid in the sphere of their own inner world. Introverts, on the other hand, know themselves much better, but are poorly oriented in the external environment. To grow mentally, it is important to be able to take responsibility and take at least small conscious steps outside your comfort zone. Extroverts – in their inner world, introverts – in the outside.

© Igor Satorin

Other articles on this topic:

  • Arrogance and self-doubt
  • Virtues or – what to strive for
  • “Safe” sex and self-importance

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