How and what to hook a man with: what to do and what not

How to take a married man out of the family and is it worth doing

Many girls, in addition to wanting to be stunningly beautiful and make a dizzying career, consider it necessary to successfully marry. Especially zealous “hunters” for men are provincial girls with a bunch of ambitions, who come to a big city and want to get all the pleasures of life quickly and with the least difficulty.

Also trying to “pick up” a man, making it the goal of his whole life, not only from other cities, but also just not very hardworking, accustomed to living at the expense of a man, women (not always difficult behavior).

Moreover, at the moment of search, the above-mentioned women are not even stopped by the fact that the object of desire sometimes turns out to be married. They reason like this: “If you liked it and more or less corresponds to the ideals loaded into your head since childhood, this is HE, therefore it will certainly be mine.” And they begin to use different methods of “conquering” the object of desire.

If you understand the psychology of female “hunters” and try to understand why they think and act this way, you can identify several reasons for this behavior:

  • Lack of male attention in childhood. For example, a girl grew up without a father, or he paid little attention to her. The young lady fantasizes, drawing in her dreams the ideal one who will pay special attention to her, solve all her problems and bring everything she needs on a silver platter.
  • On the contrary – an overabundance of male attention. The girl’s father made many gifts, pampered her, arranged and, as best he could, made her life easier. And therefore, from childhood, a potential woman develops a stereotype that a man should do everything and shoulder the difficulties of life only on himself.
  • Upbringing. Many mothers drive into their daughter’s heads that the chosen one must fully and completely provide for her material and other (here, how lucky) well-being. It doesn’t matter if he is married or not. Often, the mother herself had problems with her personal life: an unsuccessful marriage, life mistakes, broken ideals. But she continues to stubbornly believe in the correctness of her position, actively and aggressively imposing it on her daughter.
  • An example from the outside. The girl, having watched how other women act with men and what is required of them, asks the question: “Why should they be allowed, but not for me? I also have the right! ” etc.
  • The need to assert oneself, which grows as a result of humiliation or reproaches. A woman wants to show and prove to others (and herself) that she has abilities in life, even for such an ugly act.
Thus, when looking for men, a woman-“hunter” is always guided by some ideal, which is firmly entrenched in her imagination. And married men are often suitable for such an ideal.

Places and situations in which “hunters” become active

  • Most of these women “hunt” in the workplace.… Of course, a man may just be liked, i.e. the desire to possess it will leap up at the level of hormones and other biological chemistry. But more often men are “caught” for career purposes: in order to receive a lot of money later, and even better – not to work at all. Do you want a quick vertical upward career advancement? The ideal option is to “grease” the director or his deputy, who, as a rule, are married. And the proposal of his person begins inside and out in all angles. Of course, there are options for successfully combining business with pleasure: love has come, and there is a real opportunity to advance in the service. But, as a rule, the initial main goal for “hunters” is to gain a foothold in a “warm” profitable place plus career growth. And it doesn’t matter that the children will be left without a father, that the wife will be stressed and colleagues, to put it mildly, will not approve of such behavior. After all, the goal must be achieved in any way, even by destroying the formed cell of society.
  • Desperate Woman’s Situation… When a lady is already over thirty-odd, she worries about her failed personal life and / or an unsuccessful marriage (or perhaps the absence of one). She is always looking for the ideal, but the men who come across her life path, alas and ah, are far from him. And suddenly she finds the perfect, but married. And I want to give birth to a child, I’m tired of being lonely. The unhappy woman begins to act actively. Again, not really thinking about the consequences.
  • The so-called “troubled” women… Poverty is their karma. They constantly find themselves in situations in which the average woman, even with a great desire, will not be able to please, they are always looking for something, not knowing what, they run away from somewhere and no one knows why. The train of thought comes down to one question, to which they always answer positively for themselves: “Why not try?” It is the same with regard to the decision to conquer a married man.
Conclusion: whatever the motives and situations, the instilled upbringing and moral norms, the main driving force of a woman who beats off someone else’s husband is selfishness.

But if women behave this way, successfully taking away even quite decent husbands from the family, then the question arises: maybe men allow themselves to be taken away from the family and they are satisfied with this state of affairs? Some are just waiting for an accessible woman to turn up for them.

Many high-ranking male officials even issue an ultimatum to a woman: if she slept, there will be career growth, if she has not slept, she will not see promotion as her ears. Yes, it is disgusting and low, but, unfortunately, this is the truth of life. And one more thing: if a woman herself hangs around her neck, why not sleep with her? And sometimes husbands get tired of family life, they need thrills. So they change it recklessly.

How do “hunters” take a married man away?

There are several ways and options:

  • Expose your dignity to a frank display. Including sexual ones. Somehow to convince that it is better than a wife. Sometimes it works. Sometimes not.
  • Rubbing into trust. It is longer, but more effective. You can combine this item with the previous one.
  • Blackmail. This is a tough method, but effective. True, happiness after such an act is unlikely to be.
  • Close joint passion for something. For example, alcohol. Drinking companions often converge.
  • Men who are tired and emotionally exhausted from family, work and other nervous conditions are more easily influenced from outside and, accordingly, taken away.

The only thing that women-“hunters” should remember: sex with a boss does not always mean a career takeoff. And even more so, sex with a married man does not always mean a quick wedding. It is immoral to destroy a family and break someone’s destiny.… Yes, there are different situations, but to beat off a married man only for the purpose of career growth or for self-affirmation is low.

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  • Male psychology

The essence of love

I was thinking of making an article that would summarize what I think about love as such in its various silhouettes. Moreover, the article was planned to be practical, without the lyrical digressions inherent in the topic – like material from a good textbook. But love theme a priori is largely abstract, if not transcendental. And it is logically understandable that we can only talk about indirect laws accompanying this topic. In general, they will be discussed today. The article turned out not so much about neurotic attachment that is relevant for the majority, but about why unconditional love becomes such.

Inner Light

I believe that every person has his own path, his own psychic hell and paradise, his own lessons and achievements. All this is already there – in the unconscious layers of the psyche. Therefore, self-development is reduced to self-knowledge. We do not invent something new, but allow what is already there to open up. Here I just want to remind you that our experiences are only our experiences, and not some external events and objects. We just release our way from within. And here it is worthwhile to understand and understand by what principle some people are indifferent to us, while others, on the contrary, cause lively and “juicy” mental reactions.

There was already an article on the site where I called falling in love my own inner beauty of a lover – a kind of inner diamond that he projects onto another person. This psychic diamond is blocked by various fears, but under certain conditions it can quickly awaken and shine, making the attention enthusiastically active, as if something extremely important is happening at this moment. And indeed it is. A very important thing happens – a witness of the life happening to us wakes up inside us, that very psychic “contraption” thanks to which we feel alive. Her awakening is the true goal of all spiritual seekers who squander years in contemplative meditation precisely in order to push their mind out of sleep and activate this silent spectator.

But the man in the street, eternally inclined to self-deception and mental manipulation, mistakenly takes his inner light for the outer one, and begins to believe that it comes from external forms in the presence of which it manifested itself. This is how our favorite things and loved ones appear in our lives.

The light of the psychic diamond is, without exaggeration, the light of life itself within us. This is the “sensation” of being, in which all phenomena occur. On this topic, already has a number of articles under the tag “Atman”.

In everyday life, we can state the manifestation of this light by the level of our spontaneous awareness. The intensity of awareness of life here and now depends on the degree of blocking of the psychic diamond. It already exists in our psyche in an integral form, but it is blocked by those experiences that in everyday life we ​​refuse to accept. Most often these experiences are contradictory and painful. And when the inner light shines brighter, along with it “suppressed material” rises to the surface, through which the brilliance of a diamond breaks through. Therefore, self-knowledge is a difficult path, associated with the inevitable cleansing of consciousness from the dump of internal contradictions.

You may have already guessed what I mean by the essence of love. Unconditional love is pure acceptance, a contemplative consciousness that freely conducts all impressions through itself. The psychic diamond is the “territory” of acceptance deeply “inside” our psychic environment.

Dependency of conditional love

loveAnd love becomes concrete and conditional from the prism of projections, from the prism of those blocks through which it shines. Therefore, love for the homeland is so dreary, for lovers – weary, for the weak – compassionate (the swype of the android suggested “dollar”), and for entertainment – intoxicating. In this sense, omitting ceremonies, falling in love is mental masturbation.

A typical lover is, in fact, such a vulnerable drug addict, always dependent on the conditions in which he has a high inside. He is like a blind donkey, mechanically following a carrot suspended from his head – only instead of a carrot he has a brain, from the compartments of which he by all means fishes out the eternally desired multiple orgasms.

We are all like that – we are engaged in self-satisfaction, we use each other to open specific lockers of our own psyche. We’re all here making love to our own brains. We are all hooked on scenarios in which such a high acceptance happens to us, like the enlightened ones … Therefore, we miss our beloved people and beautiful things. Beauty is the same diamond inside … “The Kingdom of God is within us …”

We yearn for beauty, because beauty prompts us to be the partakers, the accepting of life in the here and now. Beautiful forms in themselves are just lines, impersonal outlines, the magic of which attracts attention and makes it continuous. At the same time, looking at beauty, something inside opens up and stops blocking the flow of sensations. That is why ascetics spend years in contemplation – simply to learn to let reality pass through themselves regardless of conditions, without resistance, without choice and without doubt. Acceptance is the essence of love.

Inaccessible beauty is painful because it is like a desirable dish that a starving poor man is allowed to breathe without being allowed to taste. The lover feels a hint of freedom and bliss, but much more clearly feels the pain of how this bliss is suppressed inside him. That’s how we working off negative karma we are cleared. At the same time, the desired “dishes” and suffering over their inaccessibility are pure projections of one’s own inability to accept oneself at the current moment of life.

The enlightened, as far as I can tell, love unconditionally, that is, always and everywhere. Love is the essence of enlightenment.

And we – the commoners, made dependent on the eternally stubborn pleasant conditions, are very picky when it comes to our affections. To love ourselves, we use other people, we try to rise and assert ourselves in their eyes, so that, thanks to their love for us, we accept ourselves, feel the buzz – be ourselves … Inner Light”. So we find ourselves in a painful dependence on someone else’s opinion.

In The Mechanical God, I deliberately devote several chapters to this topic. Here are some excerpts:

“I touch her breast, and bliss, piercing my palm, spreads throughout the body, simply because at this very moment my hand is the very acceptance. At this moment, I understand better than anyone else in the world why women hide their beautiful charms – because touching the forbidden fruit raises me above all mortals. To make me feel this divine gift – her power over me. I stroke her body, and I understand why such a titanic cascade of contradictory projections is heaped up around love. “

“… if I accept the person with all her shadows exactly as she is, being accepted in such an all-encompassing way, she can finally relax.”

“When you see a beautiful person, you want to believe that inside he does not have flesh and blood, but a concentrate of divine ambrosia. All of this rests on faith. Falling in love is pure projection, illusion and self-deception, which rests on children’s naive fantasies. With the same success, you can get excited at the sight of a washing machine … Attraction to a living person – self-esteem in its purest form … “

The maturity of unconditional love

By and large, all life’s difficulties come down to the fact that we are here and now resisting our position in reality, and strive for something else, for something that will make life pleasant – that is, suitable for acceptance. This is literally exactly what happens. In some part of the body, almost every person has a continuous “walking” suffering, expressed in dull, and sometimes acute discontent with what is happening.

We do not accept our being in this reality that is happening to us right now, and therefore we strive for the so-called “best”, which, with the power of our hope, looms on the closure of the mind with an orgasmic hint of possible happiness.

And love … love in its very essence is not some sacred “pleasure”, but simple resignation with the very moment in which this life is happening right now. And the fact is that even while loving, we continue to resist life. A specific conditioned kind of love demonstrates exactly where and how we do not accept life, blocking the flow of impressions with those nuances that make unconditional love concrete, aimed at sacrifice object of this our affection “Love”.

The manifestation of unconditional love is a certain kind of maturity of consciousness, capable of accepting what is happening without violence, without trying to remake it, changing it for itself. In this life, it is impossible to master everything, therefore, deep resignation with oneself without beautiful illusions – although not easy, but perhaps the only way to satisfaction with what is happening, does not depend on any conditions.

© Igor Satorin

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The most common myths about men

Married lover – relationship features

Husbands cheat, and women fall in love, disappearing in the most dangerous embrace of a married man. It is beautiful, romantic, festive, with ghostly prospects – for her, for him – a new sexual adventure, in most cases, but only for a few – an understanding and inspiring woman, next to whom you want to live, develop and everything is only for her and for her sake. her.

Why do women fall in love with married people

Relationships with married men arise due to different circumstances and reasons, but they are all connected by one thing: both were initially in search, often unconscious, and the case necessarily collides with a fateful wave. What kind of women throw themselves into the arms of married lovers?

  • Married womenlooking for a romantic relationship without commitment. Family routine often does not contribute to advancement, personal development, the light goes out inside, you need to start the life “engine” again. And such relationships give a taste for life, inspiration appears as passion ignites or even without it. Healthy sex with a man who probably will not lose his head from a relationship suits both, gives everyone a recharge and, having received their own, such couples often part without regrets, good friends.
  • The second category of women who fall in love with married men young girls who do not yet know about love, about life and about themselves… The inexperienced are captivated by the admiration for her of a mature (noble) man, they surrender without a trace, flying in the most romantic illusions of love and fidelity. As the relationship develops, the woman makes plans for the future, dreams of starting a family with him, extending his lineage, building a nest. Dreamily he listens to “fairy tales” that he has finally found the one that he has been looking for all his life, that his family life has practically ended, that he and his wife have not been together for a long time and that it is now that he is really happy. Inspired by the meeting with the man of her dreams – who understands, guesses all her desires, surrounded by male care and attention – she is happy, because she is his true love. And this period is the most dangerous for a man, because the instinct to give birth to a beloved child turns her into an impatient migrant, constantly talking about divorce, about a bad wife, about the future. A relationship like this tests a man’s patience until then. while he will restrain his beloved in her zeal to create a full-fledged official family with him. If a woman does not calm down, then an inevitable heartbreaking parting or a lot of partings follows, each of which is followed by a stormy reunion, which gives her hope, and he again has awesome sex with a woman in love with him.
  • The third type of women who deliberately associate with married men is hunters… Their victims are respectable “married women” who have not only a good house, car, children, dacha, business, but also free capital for reproduction and for keeping mistresses. These hunters deliberately enter into a relationship with the chosen man, tie him to themselves with sex, the correct behavior of an exemplary mistress, and then begin to blackmail them in order to obtain all kinds of benefits for themselves, threatening to tell his wife everything about their relationship. These dangerous temptresses often get what they demand, mainly an apartment, a car, a trip, a fur coat, a bank account, a small business, and everything like that. Women of the second type who are offended and offended by the attitude of their lovers can be attributed to the same type. They take revenge, spoil his career, making a full profit at the same time. There are famous examples of this in history: Monica Lewinsky, Edwina Curry (mistress of the British Prime Minister J. Major).

Features of the relationship

The conflict arises from the mismatch of the goals of both. The goal of a man is to take a break from his family, enjoy society and sex with a woman he likes.… The goal of most women in a situation like this is to start a family with the man she is in love with.

A man’s initial role as a mistress does not usually change to that of a wife. Second wife – yes, but not officially married.

An experienced man specifically warms up a woman with stories about a failed marriage, routine, cold relationship with his wife. With such stories, he fuels the imagination of a woman, counting on her ardor and willingness to do anything for the sake of a future with him.

Even if a man expects to maintain a long-term relationship with a woman, he has no goal of marrying her. His desire to stay with her for a long time lies in the banal – he feels good with her, he doesn’t need more.

A man gets a mistress outside the family, he will not create another family with one of his beloved. He has already created a well-established life, children, this is his family foundation, he does not need a second one like that.

Psychologists say that relationships with a married man end in marriage only in 5% of 100% of such couples.

How to be now

At all times, the role of the king’s mistress was almost official, this “position” was called – the king’s favorite. Marriages were concluded only for political purposes, so the queens only cared about the continuation of the royal family and interfered little in the course of events in history. Another thing is a favorite, that is, a mistress. They took advantage of their position 100%. They were often educated ladies, but usually with a bad reputation. They influenced their king in all matters, even international ones. promoted their relatives to high positions (often wrongly). And the offer to be a mistress was not comparable to the role of a girl for one night.

The king’s mistress was given a high status, appropriate gifts, it was charged to accompany the king on his travels. It was very honorable to be his mistress, and if the mistress became pregnant, then the son was also given a name, title, estates. Of the famous mistresses who are not burdened by their position, the Marquise de Pompadour (the indefatigable mistress of the French king Louis 15), Inessa Armand (mistress of V.I.Lenin), Lilya Brik (mistress of V. Mayakovsky), Anne Penzho (mistress of the French politician) are known.

Modern married lovers are not always attracted to kings. But the secondary role of the mistress was determined by the society. Falling in love with a married woman, the woman has already gone against social dogmas, so on and you need to go, not fearing the path, as it is sung in the song. It is important to survive, take and give everything that this situation presents. If you fall in love and the situation no longer satisfies, but only infuriates with its static character from month to month, year to year: came, cuddled (restaurant, shop), ate and drank, left. then it is necessary to break off the relationship, finally rewarding yourself for the gift that the man was gifted with. If the character allows – ask for a significant gift and let go, move on.

It is necessary to understand that even if he marries, these festive meetings will end and family everyday life will come again, from which your beloved will again run away. This is nature, you have to take it for granted.

If you want to fight for him to the end, be sure to do it, but only on the condition that he does not have young children with his wife, that he earns enough money to support both families later, that he really does not love his wife and does not see support in her. that your situation is not a repeat of your parents’ situation. In the absence of other moral barriers, fight if you love, especially if you have given birth to a child from him and he spends more time with you than with his family, involving you in his affairs, business, joint work or projects.

PS The author of the article was the mistress of a married man for 7 years, it all started with a joint business project. During these years, 2 children were born, he divorced and has been married for a year. The first family has a 17-year-old son.

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Conflict cannot be negotiated

How often in life it all depends on where we choose to put the comma. All people are different. Everyone has their own interests and views. When two people defend their interests, they have, to put it simply, two ways out of the situation: either to agree, or to enter into a conflict and unleash a miniature “war”.

It can be difficult to come to an agreement, because in practice, finding a solution from which everyone will benefit is obtained in rare successful cases. Therefore, accommodating opponents have to become wiser: to compromise, bend and sacrifice something – you cannot get out of it. And such a balancing of interests is given the more difficult, the stronger the person is confident in his righteousness. Selfishness in such a situation can become a hopeless eyesore. A person who is confident in his righteousness does not comprehend that his opponent can be confident in his own with the same force. The interlocutors selflessly scroll the following ego songs:

My anger is the righteous defense of truth and justice, and the anger of others is a demoniac selfish evil.
I give out smug advice like an all-knowing Guru to show other ignoramuses how tall I am and how low they are with their low-grade experiences.
If a person dares not to meet my expectations, he must pay justly by enduring all the beatings necessary for this procedure, which will pay off my “holy” torments.
I certainly know the truth, and other people’s opinions are just a bulge of their egos.
In a dispute, I expect support from others so that and others confirmed my superiority over my opponent truth and justice have triumphed!
Other people’s ideas and opinions that do not coincide with my deeply advanced and lofty spiritualized worldview are just idiotic illusions.
I prove myself right to protect your greatness the truth.

In other words, a person stubbornly defending his position often does not understand that his opponent is in the same situation. He may believe that he is fighting for justice, while the opponent, on the contrary, is fighting for personal selfish needs. And this state of affairs may metaphorically resemble a picture of two bulls who, having met somewhere on a bridge over an abyss, cannot disperse in any way. And if they cannot agree, the ending of this situation may turn out to be very deplorable: a fight, a duel, a war, and other varieties of infantile idiocy. People sometimes do not understand how fragile physical bodies are. The payback for the dubious high of self-affirmation of pride can be catastrophically disproportionate.

"Justice" per "Justice"

A stubborn person seems to expect that by unleashing a war, he will certainly win, gain the glory of a great and just conqueror-commander, and receive a fashionable order for the defense of universal justice. Everyone will bow to him and honor him, because he furiously heroically defended your selfish opinion great truth! Sometimes, having met such idiot “Hero” on the way, it is more productive to retreat. If you cannot retreat, then the acquisition of wisdom begins when there is an urgent need for intuitive awareness in order to be able to find the right words and agree.

I AM!!!And it is necessary to negotiate, because in fact, blind donkey obstinacy inevitably leads to destruction. After all, life is not a cake that is sweet for everything, but a set of different-sized conditions, sometimes smooth, sometimes angular and rough, bursting into which with unrestrained conviction that we are right, we inevitably stumble upon these very corners and roughnesses. So life polishes us, with detached indifference chopping off our sharpest and most inelegantly protruding thorns – those very blind beliefs where we believed that the universe was wrong, and it should have already agreed with us, to accept the position of our little infantile personality.

This is how we grow up – more and more subtly distinguishing the nuances of the conditions “here and now”, we adapt to them not only morally and socially tested, but also taking into account more subtle psychological, karmic and other circumstances in the lotus position. There are already a number of articles on this topic on under the tag “sensitivity”.

Stubbornness is useful in endeavors, not in relationships. Donkey stubbornness becomes a golden quality when we give up addictions, maintain a healthy lifestyle, work and do not give up what we started halfway, but bring our valiant deeds to the end! And in a relationship, in order to maintain universal harmony, it is necessary not to measure with fangs, but to hear, understand each other and negotiate.

© Igor Satorin

Continuing the theme: “Serious relationship”

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Married lover - relationship features

How and what to hook a man: what to do and what not

Attracting a man who likes it is the result of a quality hunt. Someone can easily master this art or technology. But some have difficulty.

The reasons may be different: stupidity of the female sex, appearance or even insufficient knowledge in men, lack of experience. This article focuses on tips and tricks for quick male hooks.

Ways to seduce men

  1. Compliments exist not only for women (men are very responsive to all tender and affectionate words. Therefore, emphasize your words on the merits of the male sex, decide on the dose of compliment and the degree for literal melting of a partner).
  2. What he says will be prescribed by law (make it clear that the most correct decision is only his. For example, it is not difficult to agree with the choice of a dish in a restaurant, do not take an opinion unpleasant to you with hostility, otherwise a dispute may arise).
  3. Sexual play (accidentally touching him or undoing a button on his shirt, but don’t overdo it).
  4. Spontaneity (men love unforgettable impressions and sudden adventures, risk. All this is inherent in them).
  5. Advice (ask to deal with the problem or confusing situation).
  6. Horoscope (study the man’s horoscope sign, find out his character and preferences).

You can hook a man according to a certain type:

  • Sentimental appearance – touch, tactile contact matters.
  • Realistic appearance – appearance matters.
  • Classic look – prefers to talk a lot.
  • To determine the type, you need to ask a question about the description of something. The sentimentalists will describe the form, the realists will describe the color scheme, and the classicists will find it difficult to answer.

    Tips on how to hook a man

    • Explore the field of activity, hobbies and interests;
    • Change something in your appearance to distinguish yourself from others (hair should lie neat and beautiful, natural and shiny, emphasizing the shape of the face).
    • Develop your knowledge of football.
    • Ability to find a common language.
    • Adequate response to words and deeds.
    • Answer the questions specifically, not in a general sense.
    • Ability to listen carefully and understand.
    • Seductive flirtation.
    • Accidental body contact.
    • Undistracted look.
    • Don’t stand on ceremony and change the subject.
    • Don’t be annoying with questions.
    • Don’t be pessimistic.

    Men love with their eyes, beautiful and revealing outfits will not leave them indifferent… Of course, they won’t like a girl who can’t keep up the conversation. You need to be interested in the guy’s life, just don’t interrogate; Common interests such as football, theater, or even horse riding are great things to talk about. Show yourself as a person, know your worth, know how to be different: be modest, then active. Any man likes this. Positiveness is just as important: be cheerful and kind towards a man. Don’t be sour and don’t blame everyone for your problems – the guy will run away from you.

    What absolutely must not be done

    • Don’t worry at all. This is not an exam and no one grades you a five or two. Be natural;
    • Do not ask too often and annoyingly. This is not an interrogation, and you are not an investigator.
    • Don’t embellish yourself and your dignity. Don’t make yourself miss the universe.
    • When you are silent, you do not need to look him in the eye.
    • Don’t build hard-to-reach, but be inaccessible.
    • Don’t be too active about your feelings and emotions. Guys do not tolerate clowns, tantrums and inadequacy.
    • Don’t be annoyed and unbalanced.
    • You should not treat his jokes inadequately.
    • Don’t command a man. He will always be the head, this is his work by nature. Better be a cute girl.

    Thus, attracting a man who you like is not the most difficult stage in a relationship. The ability to preserve and warm up feelings is more important.… If you are wrong about something, the relationship may not start or even end after the first meeting. The key place is occupied by the impression of a person in building a relationship. Therefore, pay special attention to arousing interest in the male sex.

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Serious relationship

The closeness and stability that results from grinding in, when partners, overcoming a number of joint difficulties, and getting to know each other better, are dealing not with a beautiful mask, but with a real person, gives the relationship “seriousness”. But now it is not so much about how to start a serious relationship, but about how not to go too far with this “sinister” seriousness in them. Quite recently, there was a short article on the site under the heading “Conflict can not be negotiated”, where it was a topical situation for most people, when your and your partner’s interests diverge. As a conclusion of the article and a way out of the situation, possible solutions were proposed: to escape, start a war with a partner, or still go along the most difficult and reasonable path – go to the stage of negotiations and resolve the issue peacefully. But what if the situation seems hopeless? What if the partner does not want to negotiate, but you no longer want to conflict, and do not intend to leave either? This is indeed a difficult situation. And it is not easy because it seems like a dead end and hopelessness, but because it inevitably leads to your growth – and this is almost always a painful process. In order not to be unfounded, I will try to decipher what kind of “growth” I am talking about.

The Energy of Serious Relationships

serious relationshipAlmost all scandals in relationships with loved ones are actually not arranged at all because of material objects. The things we argue about are just an excuse to sort things out. That is, in fact, it is not things that are important to us, but how our partner reacts to us – sensitively, friendly, courteously, seriously, or disregardingly utilitarian and despotic. In relationships, it is not so much the subject of discussion that is important as the form of expressions and the energy of intonations in which this subject is discussed.

The main problem in conflict situations is mechanical reactions. For example, a loved one asked you to clean up your things in a near-order tone. It seems to be nothing special – the usual “little things in life.” And, it would seem, how silly because of them to quarrel and make scandals. But as it was said above, the point is not at all tidied things up. Yes, for the sake of a loved one, you can simply throw them away! And nothing terrible will happen. But you yourself do not notice how you start to get angry. And not because you were asked to clean up, but because in an orderly tone you were actually asked to obey, to become a weak-willed rag about which it is convenient to wipe your feet. I am deliberately exaggerating so that the subtle becomes obvious.

The topic of requests and orders on the site has already been touched upon. Here I want to go further and consider a “hopeless” situation – one where it seems that there are simply no solutions, and hands give up. It can happen in a relationship with any person – not only with a partner, but, for example, in a relationship with a child, colleague, friend, anyone. Circumstances are different, but such a situation is always a painful suspension, when it is no longer possible to stay put in the usual conditions, and making decisions and changing something is even more terrible. To bend is humiliating, and to fight is dangerous. As a result, any consequences for our self-esteem seem devastating.

When you feel that it is inappropriate to develop a conflict, and it is impossible to negotiate, because the person does not listen to you, then it begins working off karma personal growth. In such a situation, you may finally have a serious motive – to pay attention to your own wagons of logs “in the eye” mechanical reactions.

Most likely, when you tried to negotiate with your partner, and explain something about your situation with him, then, as often happens, you were looking for a veiled way to blame all responsibility for a mutual conflict on your partner, and shield yourself as an innocent victim , which is almost always and almost everywhere right. This, you know, is the reckless norm that most people follow.

In other words, when negotiations do not bear fruit and the person does not hear you, perhaps he really is not ready to hear, and you should choose another moment for the conversation. Or maybe your manner of presentation simply does not suit your partner. Remember? Not the words are important, but the presentation … the way you speak, what you put on your gaze – in violent “righteous” anger and the imposition of your “truth”, or a sincere aspiration for peace.

The person next to you is alive. It is as difficult for him to change his views and admit that he is wrong, as it is for you. It is important to remember this. And if, as is usually the case, you are trying to prove that your partner is wrong and you are right, what do you actually expect? That your partner will be surprised at your great wisdom, will immediately understand everything and come to his senses? Probably it happens … in fairy tales. And in life in such a serious relationship, the partner is almost inevitably on the defensive. After all, you, in fact, prove to him that he is wrong in his wrong and should go through the procedure of correcting the “factory defect”.

And change isn’t easy. Living people do not have magic buttons, by clicking on which they change for the better for us. Personal change is always breaking. And of course, “it would be better” if others break, and not we … – it’s easier for us. And the partner, a shameless impudent person, is protected from such encroachments on his personality. Nobody likes this kind of change. Everyone is afraid of them, because change is fraught with the loss of the usual supports. There was also a separate article about this conservatism of the ego on

And after all, no one in this life is obliged to change at our will. The desire to remake another person is our problem, not his. And who will give one hundred percent guarantee that our truth is true, and the truth of our partner is a lie? And how sometimes we naively rejoice when our opinion is supported by someone else, someone else. Then we feel as if we have won the battle, because now it is much further for our partner to continue to insist on his own, when others admit that he is a dissenting “unfaithful” …

Consciousness in Serious Relationships

Indeed, it all comes down to awareness, to our own maturity in our serious relationship. Mechanical reactions often lead to violence because they drive living people into limited patterns. In every informal situation, a sensitive, intuitive approach is important. And there is no unequivocal panacea. However, one interesting practice that I advise my clients to do can help: before you react in any way, try to feel where it will lead. Think about how the person will respond to your reaction, and you will be surprised how well your everyday intuition really is. We always somewhere latently feel others, especially close ones.

By practicing this kind of everyday premonition, you will see that most of the mechanical reactions in living relationships are simply meaningless. And this understanding will open up new dialogue options. You will still feel the urges of mechanical reactions – the very ones that usually led to conflict, but along with them, the voice of rationality will begin to sound.

At first, such practice can lead to a stupor, to the feeling that you no longer understand how to act and what to do, as if you are on a very thin path, and there is an abyss on the sides, and no profitable decisions are being born. And this is a good symptom! It is from here that you can best see how everything really is. Here you can see that the real problem is your own unconsciousness and inability to accept the situation, your own fear of life, hidden from yourself by external discontent.

Again, a partner does not have to match your whims and become your goldfish. Everyone can behave as he wants, and rake the consequences corresponding to their behavior. If you don’t like your partner, do to please. Does not work? Then bear with what you have, or leave. How to make your partner like it? Of course, you can try mental abuse, if your conscience allows, and your partner’s reaction is okay. You can practice humility. You can try to negotiate and find compromises, or even options when both parties benefit. Does not work? Then you can either dump or admit your dependence on your partner, without covering up this weakness with imaginary virtues, and come to terms with it. Otherwise, the same painful suspension remains – passive inaction and empty experiences wrapped around him. Someone should turn this very wheel of samsaric baking until they get bored.

When you have developed a long-term habit of masking your irresponsibility in relationships with external problems, then just such “hopeless” situations demonstrate in the best way that your whole life completely depends on your attitude towards it and your decisions. And the longer you persist, closing your eyes to this truth, the longer the neurotic suspension lasts.

Solutions. Sometimes it’s so difficult to accept them … simply because they have consequences. And these consequences are not some kind of fantasy. The consequences are real and therefore can be seriously intimidating. Life really changes when you make decisions. And therefore, at times, it is easier to hang out and hide in the fantasies of the comfort zone, just not to change, not to lose the support we are used to. But this is the only way we grow – losing support, we take the next step, to the next step, and grow up, and see yesterday’s situation from the outside, with new eyes, and understand what actually happened.

And there is no need to wear a good-looking good-looking mask just to avoid conflicts in our serious relationships with people. By practicing “everyday foreboding,” you understand where your actions can lead and you react sincerely.

Of course, in words everything can be beautiful and smooth, but in life there are thousands of circumstances, which the mind is not able to fully take into account. But once you get the taste of growth, difficult situations really, truly come across as lessons that make you mature. At the same time, somewhere you still continue to hum your favorite songs of the ego, but a conscious particle of the psyche has already turned on, and gradually takes its toll.

Sometimes negotiations really do not make sense and it is appropriate to leave broken relations in the past, or to build them anew, on a more solid foundation. But here it is easy to be deceived, because we are not always able to understand where we leave an exhausted relationship, and where we simply run away from ourselves. No one can guarantee that old mistakes will not be repeated in a new relationship. Breaking ties is much easier than setting up harmoniously. And the joint difficulties overcome by the partners only strengthen their relationship.

It sometimes becomes clear to a conscientious person that there are no right decisions. They all lead to their losses and gains. It just hurts to lose. But life dramas clearly show the prospects for personal growth. The practice of mindfulness gives not so much a feeling of this very awareness, as it allows you to see your own blindness. And the whole choice is to either continue and further indulge in the illusion, or, admitting your ignorance, start moving towards the true light.

© Igor Satorin

Other articles on this topic:

  • Conscious communication in conflict situations
  • Love and relationships
  • Responsibility and irresponsibility
  • The solution to all problems

Your recipes for harmonious relationships in the comments are welcome.

What attracts men in a woman the most?

What attracts men in a woman the most?

Journalist, webwriter, blogger. I tell stories that readers love.

Margarita Lopukhova

– Margarita Lopukhova

Family psychologist. For 8 years now I have been saving “family units” from disintegration. I help couples to find love and understanding again.

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107258, Russia, Moscow, Pogonny proezd, 14с1

[email protected]

girl bites her finger

According to outdated statistics, men were attracted to a woman by a slender figure, lush breasts and an elastic ass. However, numerous studies have been carried out on this topic, and here are the conclusions: appearance has faded into the background and has not aroused the stronger sex for a long time.

The content of the article

  • 1 What attracts men to women

Sexologists, together with psychologists, have compiled an accurate list of female traits that attract men. Details of the research results in the article.

What attracts men to womeni

The way a woman behaves, what scent she exudes, as he says, is considered an important criterion in choosing for a man. But what exactly is so attractive about these fragile creatures? Maybe it’s just a flick of eyelashes …

  • Sense of humor. According to surveys of most men, in a woman they are attracted by the ability to laugh heartily and, in turn, not be afraid to seem funny. Women choose those who can cheer them up and not offend them with “peculiar” humor, and for men it is important that their jokes are laughed at. Here it is – an uncommon and very important key to the heart.
  • Risky hobbies. Let’s talk about not-so-feminine pursuits. A gray mouse is unlikely to make a man admire her, but a lady with an adventurous hobby will arouse obvious interest. This can be swimming, mountain climbing, skiing, tennis or simple cycling. Such activities bring together and awaken the desire to teach a woman something special.
elegant blonde

However, you should be careful. If a hobby involves discomfort or danger, then it is better to tactfully refuse it. Sexuality, then, should not outweigh.

  • Independence. Men like to look after a woman, to feel that she, in some way, is dependent on him, but they find great attraction in emancipated women. Such people are confident in themselves, they firmly know what they want and how to achieve it. For such men will be ready to do anything. But here’s the bad luck. As soon as a woman begins to ask for help, the desire to provide it begins to evaporate. A man is a conqueror by nature and does not like being asked for something. Such is the system.
  • Emancipation. Men are attracted to moderately open and liberated women. However, this does not mean at all that you need to reveal all your cards and show your true nature in the first minutes. Mysteriousness should be combined with minimal relaxedness. Such a combination will play into the hands of any woman and will endear the opposite sex to her.
  • Education. It is not necessary to understand higher mathematics and have a Nobel Prize in biology. It is enough to get carried away with your favorite business and be able to maintain a conversation. Intelligence will always be in vogue, and smart girls are all the more attractive.
cute girl

  • Kindness and responsibility. You don’t have to be blunt and blunt to attract a man to your camp. Thought: “Will love and such” rarely works. A woman who knows how to find the right approach and smoothly direct the situation in the right direction is appreciated by men in a special way. Kindness shows a woman on the good side, and responsibility signals that in difficult times one can expect support, help and seriousness to the situation.
  • Mature appearance. It seems that a man should be annoyed by rare gray hair, early wrinkles, “adult” makeup. However, no. A lot of people really like the maturity of the image. Research shows that men born to women over the age of 30 tend to choose older women for long-term relationships. This gives confidence in the future, which allows you to create a strong family.
  • Beautiful hair. It is worth noting that healthy and shiny hair is the main attraction for men. The length is not so important in this case. You can make a beautiful styling with a short haircut. Many men prefer a woman to wear her hair down. But there are those who like messy buns on their heads.

It is also noteworthy that the list of unattractive things includes: dyed in an unnatural color, oily and too short hair. Such an image will clearly not be to the liking of the stronger sex.

elegant girl in dress

  • Bright lipstick, clothes. The favorite of men is red. Weakness and strength for a man rolled into one. It symbolizes passion, desire, love and fire in relationships. It is believed that the red color is exciting (resembles the shade of the labia and vagina). But research shows the opposite: it’s all about attracting attention with brightness and originality.
  • Makeup. The makeup story is the opposite. Men prefer a light accent on the lips and eyes. Mascara, glitter and blush are a favorite basic set.
  • Aroma. The delicate fragrant aroma of the perfume, combined with the natural scent of a clean body, captivates the minds of men and makes them trail behind a woman like they are kittens. Light floral or citrus scents are the best options. A sharp negative is caused by bright “grandmothers” or cheap perfumes.

Well-known brands today create lines of unique perfumes “For Him” ​​and “For Her”, bringing together and exciting the mind.

  • Well-groomed nails. A modest manicure and neatly trimmed nails, along with a beautiful styling, defeat men. Despite the fact that the ladies are trying, for the most part, to build up their nails as long as possible, the stronger sex is not happy with this. If the composition of “vampire claws” is complemented by peeling varnish, then there is no need to wait for approval and admiration from a man.
surprised girl

Also, men like it when women with short fingers get longer nails. It gives femininity and charm.

  • Ability to cook. The old adage that “the way to a man’s heart is through the stomach” is still relevant to this day. For men, it is extremely important that their chosen one knows how to cook and can please with a delicious dinner. Cooking is the best indicator of caring and love.
  • The ability to create beauty. If a woman loves to decorate her house, create something with her own hands, be it clothes or interior items, and also come up with unique images for herself, then she will be incredibly interesting to a man. The stronger sex has always been attracted by creative beauties with many ideas for arranging their home and a desire to transform the old into the new.
  • Maternal care. The overwhelming majority of women have a pronounced maternal instinct. They are drawn to take care of children, take care of them and spend almost all their time with them. This behavior is very attractive for men, as it shows the reliability of a woman and her desire to have children, which promises the creation of a strong and healthy family.
beautiful blonde in the kitchen

  • Voice. Men like to be spoken to in a half-whisper. But this tactic is much more intimate, and at first they are attracted by a confident, sensual and melodic voice. Especially if it is combined with an expressive look and a gentle smile.

Now, having figured out which traits are attracting the stronger sex, women may not wonder how to behave in order to please the man of their dreams. Sincerity, naturalness and simplicity are the priorities today. As you can see, it takes a little for magic. However, it can do incredible things too.

Margarita Lopukhova

Margarita Lopukhova


Family psychologist. For 8 years now I have been saving “family units” from disintegration. I help couples to find love and understanding again.

In the modern couple, gender roles have become a very vague concept. Having said that “a man should” or “a woman should”, you can hear a flurry of negativity in your address. Today, no one owes anything to anyone. Men are attracted to a woman by the ability to be independent and self-reliant – the guys no longer want the girl to sit at home and deal exclusively with cooking and children. In turn, women do not expect from guys that they will provide them “from” and “to”. Girls have their own source of income and prefer to remain independent. Everything is changing, and these are definitely positive changes on the path to gender equality.

What kind of women do men like? Relationship between man and woman | Yaroslav Samoilov

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  1. avatar

    Long thin legs cling to me in a girl. I really like tall girls. I try to meet only with them.

  2. avatar

    Appearance plays an important role in making a guy like him, but if her character is not very good and she is too arrogant, then the guy will not stay long.

  3. avatar

    Guys have so many requirements for a girl, but they themselves are very lazy to take care of themselves. Many people find it difficult to get their hair cut once a month.

  4. avatar

    If a girl does not take care of herself, then it is unlikely that anyone will like her at all with her inner rich world.

  5. avatar

    There are no perfect people. Therefore, there is in every person some peculiarity that catches a person. It is this feature that the guy likes.

  6. avatar

    A girl should combine everything: beauty, intelligence, intelligence, kindness. Then you can definitely hook a man.

  7. avatar

    That’s for sure, some girls go too far when they behave too vulgarly. Then such a girl who is too open just wants to spend the night, but no more …

  8. avatar

    A slender figure certainly attracts. First of all, you pay attention to the appearance, and then to the inner qualities of the girl.

  9. avatar

    And it seems to me that men really like it when girls behave like defenseless and they need the help of a particular man. When they feel that they are strong with this girl, then consider that you have already conquered him)

  10. avatar

    But I like natural girls. Who do not wear short skirts and do not radically change their appearance with makeup. Sportswear and basic makeup. It’s enough)

  11. avatar

    Men are hunters by nature, that’s why they like the smells, voice, appearance of the girl.

  12. avatar

    Men really like strong girls, but it gives them more pleasure to win this strong girl. That they conquered her and now she is with this guy.

  13. avatar

    Of course, I appreciate her kindness and responsiveness in a girl, but if she looks like Freddy Krueger, I will never be with her, and I will not pay attention to her. The girl should take care of herself at least a little.

  14. avatar

    Bright clothes certainly attract attention, but I really don’t like it. When a girl dresses brightly, it means she wants to attract attention to herself, which is more repulsive.

  15. avatar

    I am amazed by men who like a girl to have well-groomed nails, but nevertheless do not pay attention to a new manicure. And in general, they do not pay attention to many things.

  16. avatar

    Men like to be snoozed with like little children. They then become kinder and want to snuggle closer to the chest))

  17. avatar

    I am most attracted by the girl’s long hair. I love when they are loose, well-groomed and natural in color. I also like their smell.

  18. Open comments

Why guys don't like shy girls

Why does a guy ignore a girl he likes

Very often the following situation happens: when a man likes a girl, and he is ready to date her, but for some reason unknown to women, he begins to ignore the girl. It is in this question that we will try to figure it out in this article.

Women think it’s them, but in fact a man doesn’t behave this way because of the woman or because of her behavior. Everything seems to be fine – partners like each other, but for no apparent reason, the partner begins to ignore the girl – who is very upset by this factor.

But sometimes the girls themselves make mistakes and are perplexed because of their mistakes. Very often, a girl thinks that the guy likes it, but in fact he does not feel any feelings for her and does not know how to get rid of her, and therefore ignores her. First of all, you need to understand if your partner really likes you., and only then look for answers to your questions.

The following will describe why a guy can ignore a girl he likes.

Unpreparedness for a serious relationship

One of the common reasons is that the guy is not ready for a serious relationship and therefore ignores the girl. After all, a man understands that if he begins to actively show his feelings towards you, then all this will drag on for a long time and a serious relationship cannot be avoided.

After all, a man is not a little boy, he understands that if he wants a serious relationship, then this will be his only companion who does not need to be changed. Many men are afraid of losing their freedom.

Yes, of course a man wants a serious relationship, but not now. After all, every man wants a family, but, unfortunately, they grow up later than women. It is for this reason that unions are very frequent when a man is a couple of years older than a woman.

Thinks a woman is good for him

One of the reasons why a man ignores a woman is that he believes that he is not worthy of her, since she is too good for him. Also, a man may be afraid that he will not be able to provide for a woman, since her requests are not combined with his earnings.

A man may also be afraid to speak directly about his sympathy only because he is afraid that his feelings will be rejected. After all, men are stronger than women are experiencing a rebuff of feelings.

A very common situation is when a girl is beautiful, clever and lives in a decent family. And the guy, in turn, is from a simple family, no different from the gray mass, and then he is simply afraid to invite the girl to meet, since she can make fun of him. Of course, guys fall in love with such girls quickly, and they can’t help themselves, they only have to suffer from unrequited love. But in fact, you need to take a risk by inviting the girl to meet, and perhaps the sympathy will be mutual.

This situation is very common in films where everything ends well. But this is not a film, but life, and therefore you need to treat the situation a little differently. But in life, in general, such a situation is rare, basically all men are arrogant and they will only take advantage of the position of a girl, since every person wants to live beautifully. And if you want to live, be able to spin.

And those men who believe that the girl is really good for them are very rare and most often they have low self-esteem. And with such a man, hardly anyone wants to continue a long relationship.

A responsibility

Sometimes a man begins to ignore a woman, because he is afraid of responsibility and wants her to control all relationships. This is the type of men who are accustomed to playing a female role in a relationship. They are used to being constantly commanded and controlled. A man is more accustomed to seeing a leader as a woman, whom he can follow and be sure of the correctness of his actions.

A man can behave this way for several reasons, for example, because he has seen similar relationships in other families, and they are all satisfied with them, that he could repeat this for his family. If we are talking about such a case, then the guy, as it were, unconsciously shifts the responsibility onto women’s shoulders, he does it as if by accident.

Also a man can take on a female role because of a woman’s behavior… Indeed, very often we have to deal with women who are rude, impudent and used to solving problems themselves. Remember, you should never let your man know that you are in charge of the relationship. When you solve family issues, do not take into account the opinion of your man, those female characteristics that begin with indecision begin to develop in him.

Also, do not overwhelm a person with calls and sms, maybe this is a familiar style of communication for you, and a man does not want to communicate like that at all, but he has to answer your calls. That is, without even knowing it, you can change your man for the worse and harm your relationship.

Special move

Sometimes a man ignores a woman, since this is his move, due to which he attracts the opposite sex. Men want to make it clear to a woman that they don’t really need his attention that much. If women manage to show indifference simply, then this cannot be said about men.

The goal of a man in such a game can be called that he wants you to bring down your own worth. A man wants to be in charge of a relationship., thereby lowering the woman below her level. But not every lady likes this production. You should not be led by a man’s provocations, you need to know your own worth, and not go below your level. Then the man will understand that it is easy to change you and will use it all the time.

But don’t flirt too much. After all, a woman will also not sit and wait for you for a long time, she will simply find another, and a man will suffer from the fact that he has lost such a woman. Of course, in such a situation, self-esteem suffers and the person experiences mental pain. Women, who are also stubborn, want to be difficult for men to reach, want men to seek them out and give gifts. It is necessary to understand that a man should not lower a woman, he himself should become better in order to seem like a real man against her background.

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  • Male psychology

Greed and selfishness in relationships

This article turned out to be more complicated than I thought. Several times he sat down and put it aside. Something inside resisted and raised the topic with a creak, as if not wanting to give up some outdated positions and beliefs about greed and selfishness. Probably, if you ask a layman to describe these phenomena, most likely examples of actions of the type: “selfishness is when …” … As I see it, there is no selfishness or greed. There are only elements that, like pixels on a monitor, create their illusory images. And while we do not distinguish between these constituent particles, the image seems to be complete and real. This metaphor with pixels fits just about any phenomenon. In this article I will try to decompose selfishness and greed into elements.

The fabric of greed and selfishness

At the event level, we consider those people who do not want to share their benefits with us as selfish greedy ones. That is, according to this logic, absolutely any person who refuses to give us their assets – be it money, personal time, or any property – can become a greedy person in our eyes.

And here the right question sounds like this: under what conditions do other people donate their goods to us? When does one person want to give something to another? The answer to this question is as simple as it is unacceptable for the self-esteem of the average person. So, the benefactor donates his goods under such conditions, when he wants to please. That is, if a person wants to look good in our eyes, he will probably be capable of the so-called generosity towards our person.

On the contrary, we consider those people who do not try to please us to be greedy egoists. Why don’t they try? Because the bad ones? We, of course, think so – the most convenient thing. Or maybe because we are bad? This is a double-edged sword. A person does not try to please us when he does not see the reasons for this. We are not saints, and we usually strive to please others when we feel that it is beneficial for us. That is, wanting to look good in someone’s eyes, we somehow expect to get something …

And this is where our long-suffering pride comes into play, on one side of which there is an inferiority complex, and on the other – a sense of self-importance. No wonder they say that pride is the father of all vices.

We feel someone else’s greed when we worry that we are not loved and respected, but only used for our benefits. We crave sincere unconditional love for our own person, which, by and large, only saints and some mothers are capable of in relation to their children. We deceive ourselves into hoping that such love is possible. But in fact, we live in a world of consumer relations, where everyone loves not unconditionally, but for some reason – for specific qualities, traits and properties.

We are all “corrupt creatures”, bribing each other in our relationships, who can do what they can. And when we lack real benefits, we master the art of advertising – positioning illusory images and qualities. We don’t know who we are to earn love and respect with an artificial image. And this is still half the trouble. It would be fine if we did so deliberately. But at some point, we lie so much that we ourselves begin to believe that we really are that very normal good person, whose image we demonstrate to everyone around us. This is how neuroses arise in discord with themselves – psychosomatic ailments that poison our lives.

We become greedy owners when we want to control our relationships with other people. We try to control other people’s feelings when we want to be loved and respected unconditionally – that is, for no reason. Otherwise, we feel false – a humiliating deception, such a disgusting experience, as if a person really does not love us at all, and will throw us out of our existence as soon as we stop sponsoring his presence in our life. But after all, as already mentioned – we are not saints and do not know how to love for nothing!

Even when the so-called “greed” is shown by a stranger whom we have not seen before, we may have a neurotic reaction, because behind someone’s frugality, we find a “disrespectful” attitude towards our person.

In other words, greed and selfishness is a personal fear that we are loved not just like that, but for some reason. Just latently, we feel when they want to make mugs out of us, and as a big and pure love to push through a typical corrupt relationship. And honesty often does not quite suit us either, because we still want to believe in love!

Most of all friendships and friendships also revolve around such mutually beneficial neuroses. And if a person doesn’t want anything from us, our wounded pride can christen him a bastard. But in fact, there is nothing wrong with someone else’s indifference. It’s just that someone seemed uninteresting to someone – maybe the person is tired, he has little time, or he is annoyed by the drawing on our shirt. Everyone has their own preferences. This is fine. But this fact seems all the more humiliating, the more expectations we wind up around the victim of our needs.

The traumatic fact for the layman’s pride in the body of an adult is that no one owes anything to anyone. And if we thought differently, then this is our personal problem.

For personal mental health, it is better to be a conscious gigolo or a prostitute who is aware of his position, rather than a neurotic who expects free “unconditional” love from others.

Motives of greed and selfishness

So it turns out that if a person acts honestly, without covering up his true motives with a noble lie, then he becomes a “bad” greedy and “ruthless” egoist who did not want to stand on ceremony with our neuroses.

Sometimes we think of people who are selfish and take care of their attention and value their personal time. It seems like if a person does not read our useless spam somewhere on VKontakte, it means that he is a cunning egoist who, instead of being imbued with our profound “nonsense”, is engaged in some of his own completely useless affairs for us.

Often, we like to explain our own need for free freebies with someone else’s egoism. After all, it is much easier to lure ready-made benefits from the haves than to earn them yourself. It seems like if a person managed to provide for himself, it would be nice for him to like it, so that now he will provide for our person, since he is so good at it.

In order for a person to be our debtor, it is not necessary for him to like him. To draw out other people’s benefits, you can flatter, humiliate yourself, appeal to pity, a sense of duty, nobility, superiority, greatness and other signs of a “good” person. Anything will do that will make the “generous” benefactor prove that he is not a greedy or selfish person.

We consider “bad” people to be egoists, whom it is customary to condemn and even punish in some way. In the novel, I vocalized in detail the idea that each person ultimately does everything exclusively for himself. Everyone obeys the law of the carrot and stick. No matter who is in front of us – a hero, a villain, an office worker, a loving mother – no one can do otherwise. We are all Pavlov’s dogs, subject to two basic reflexes of pain and pleasure. Each of us in this life simply avoids pain and chooses the thrill – whoever knows how.

We all wander after the carrot of pleasant sensations. Geniuses, sages and other advanced users are no different from typical outsiders – the same pursuit of highs. The difference between all of us is that everyone has access to their own unique sources of happiness.

Rude people act rudely, ripping off superficial impressions, not because they are “bad”, but because they cannot do otherwise. Exactly so – roughly and superficially accessible at their stage, the thrill pulls the levers of their mind.

Far-sighted “wise men” enjoy life subtly with the least amount of destructive consequences, because they distinguish such threads of happiness, pulling for which they get their own, unattainable for others.

No one can do otherwise. Everyone obeys those impulses that he is able to discern on the periphery of his consciousness. We are all products of inevitable personal experience.

There is a kind of global stereotype that says that the right people should do the right thing. And if you are wrong, but greedy and selfish, then you must experience shame, fear and other unpleasant impulses that should prompt you to correct yourself in order to correspond to this global stereotype.

As a result, our omnipotent mind is pushed around by two additional springs: self-respect and self-flagellation. Following the standards, we respect ourselves, breaking the rules – we gnaw. This is how the global law of the carrot and stick is realized in the social world, prompting us to prove our normality. On this topic, already has a number of articles under the tag “pride”.

All our behavior, all noble intentions and lofty aspirations obey the simple impulses “pleasant” and “unpleasant”. But we do not want to believe that we are so primitive … Therefore, we choose to think that our “right” actions are not at all from the joy of self-affirmation, but a manifestation of some holy magnanimity.

There is no greed or selfishness. There is only our self-esteem, driven by a continuous race of self-assertion, eternally scanning reality in search of love and respect.

And there is nothing wrong with social bartering, where everyone shares what they have. Simply, in order to avoid neurotic fears, when making an exchange, you should not cheat, presenting self-promotion as reality. And then this exchange of “energies” may well be called mutual assistance.

© Igor Satorin

Other articles on this topic:

  • Selfishness as a stage of development
  • Should we love?
  • Self-control, hard work and willpower as selfish fictions in the mind
  • Vanity, pride and humiliation

How and what to get the pen guy interested in

We have all heard the saying that modesty adorns a person, and so it really is, but to what extent does this principle of life apply specifically to communication by correspondence? The first thing that stops many girls is modesty, they are afraid to write the first to some man, because they believe that it is a man who should, as they say, hunt for a girl. And they are right in a way, because every man is a hunter at heart.

In fact, if a girl takes too much initiative, if she tries to get a man, then automatically the man’s interest in this girl fades away. Some girls who are not inherent in excessive modesty, seeing the account of a man they like, overwhelm him with compliments. This is also an extreme that should be avoided, since any man wants a girl to be unavailable at first, he wants to gradually reveal it. That is, if we are talking about a serious relationship, then this process should nevertheless develop gradually. When communicating by correspondence, these two extremes should be avoided.

Work on bugs

The first thing to do if you like a young man is to write to him, and you shouldn’t be afraid to do it first, you just need to do it correctly, avoiding three main mistakes:

  • To give a compliment, that is, you must be inaccessible to your future chosen one, you must be a mystery to him. Giving a man with compliments, a woman, as it were, demonstrates her availability, and a man is already forming a more frivolous attitude towards her.
  • You should not write in the first sentence: “Let’s get to know each other”, this phrase also deprives the acquaintance of riddles and intrigue and looks too straightforward.
  • You should not send a banal message to a man like “Good day”, “Good evening”, “How are you?” All these phrases are too overwritten and for sure the man has already received similar messages from different girls more than once, so most likely he will not even pay attention to such a remark.

Write about what is interesting to him

What is then worth writing in this case? First of all, carefully study the information contained in the account of the man you are interested in… Pay special attention to the “Interests” column. That is, your main task is to choose a specific one among his interests and ask a question about his hobby. That is, if, for example, fishing is among the interests of your potential chosen one, you can ask the question: “What is the largest fish you managed to catch?” At the same time, asking such questions, you do not lose your mystery, and even if the guy does not answer you, this should not hurt or offend you.

What should be your first message?

A few more tips on what the first message should be to a man you like. It should be light, unobtrusive and written without mistakes, because guys pay attention to such nuances and, based on this, begin to form the first impression of you. Before writing something to a young man, you should tidy up your account, namely, delete your photos with your ex-boyfriend, delete other unsuccessful photos, with alcohol, with cigarettes, and others.

When chatting with a man, use all your originality and sense of humor. Do not be afraid to ask questions, as you are the initiator of the conversation and it is you who should conduct it, however, the questions should be superficial, you should not ask him too personal questions. It is unlikely that a young man wants to open his soul to a stranger, but from your side it will look at least tactless.

How and when to end the conversation?

If the guy does not respond to your messages – do not intrude, it is better to try in a couple of days. If you still managed to start a correspondence with a young man, then you should definitely catch the moment when the dialogue is already becoming uninteresting, emotionally meager, then it is better to stop communication in time and say goodbye. because the main thing is to leave this at a height, at the peak, so that later he will have a pleasant memory of you, and he already wants to write to you himself. It turns out that guys have a special relationship with emoticons. They need to be put approximately every 5-7 messages, and the easier they are to start with, the better, it is better to leave all sorts of intricate hearts and kisses for later, and not for the first or even for the second conversation.

Product face

One more thing – on the avatar you should have no one else, namely your photo, because after a successful virtual communication, in a real meeting, a man may be simply disappointed, because a completely different girl will come to meet him, and not that one. that he expected to see. Therefore, if you liked the guy so much that you decided to start a correspondence with him, therefore, for sure in the future you will want to meet with him, so from the very beginning it is better to be yourself.

Phrase that sparks genuine interest

And finally, an example of a specific phrase that will arouse strong interest in a man. To a very stylish, handsome, well-groomed man who is successful and rich, and certainly not deprived of female attention, you can say the following phrase: “I noticed one very interesting quality in you that women usually like very much, but I consider it rather a disadvantage than an advantage”.

To the average man who does not bathe in female compliments, you say the phrase: “You know, I noticed a quality in you that women usually don’t like in men, but I appreciate it.” It does not matter what type of men your potential chosen one belongs to, in any case he will have a great interest, he will begin to interrogate you, what you noticed, because this directly concerns his personality, and nothing is as interesting to a man as he is, it is interesting mysteriously and will surely stir his imagination. And at this moment, the most important thing is not to answer this question. Simply say, “You’ll know when the time is right,” and change the topic of the conversation. If you give an answer to this question – you will ruin everything, let him wait and think about it. Use this trick and you are guaranteed to get the interest you want.

And remember, the important advantages of virtual communication are, firstly, that you have the opportunity to think, so you should never rush to answer, think carefully about your messages, show all your erudition and imagination. And, secondly, another advantage is that while communicating virtually, you feel more relaxed and courageous, so use these privileges and look for your destiny!

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  • Male psychology
  • Psychology of communication