Why do men cheat

“My husband cheated on me means he doesn’t love anymore! ” – this is how most women reason. However, for half of men, love and fidelity are not the same thing at all. They can be very fond of their spouse, but for many reasons they have a mistress. Why? Let’s figure it out.

5 types of men who cheat most often:

  • adventurers and players;

  • narcissistic narcissists;

  • amorous natures;

  • insecure men in their thirties;

  • disliked»Husbands

Top 10 reasons that push husbands to cheat

one. The most common reason is of course new love

Fresh feeling, alluring forbidden fruit – and a man in love by all means strives to win the heart of a beautiful lady. The hunter’s instinct turns on. Excitement and pheromones make it possible to feel alive, young, attractive again. If she reciprocates, nothing will keep him from the temptation to enter into a relationship with his beloved.

2. Very often they push for treason complexes… Uncertainty in their masculinity and potency. When sex life with his wife has become boring (after years he simply cannot want a wife, as before) and annoying fiasco occurs in his bed more and more often, a man needs to assert himself on the side. With an attractive young mistress, he again feels like a “man”.

3. Treason like pursuit of adventure in the style of the addictive spy game “Catch Me If You Can”. Secret meetings under fictitious pretexts, travel and vacation romances a great way to feel like the hero of a novel.

4. Many change from despair… Just as some people seize depression or drink alcohol over failure, others seek solace in sex. Often, due to character or upbringing, a wife cannot give her husband what he needs so much. For example, a man needs warmth, attention, sympathy. If the wife does not satisfy these needs, he is drawn to the one “that will understand and love.”

And some husbands are embarrassed to embody their secret (and shameful, as they think) fantasies with their wife. And with a strange woman, whose opinion does not bother them, or even a prostitute – easily.

five. Husbands are cheating when love died, only habit, a sense of duty and obligation (children, mortgages, common property) remained. Often in such formal unions, people have been pulling the web of relationships for many years, not wanting public condemnation, fearing the changes and difficulties that follow the divorce. It happens that the spouses live in different rooms, like neighbors, and hardly communicate. But the need for love and sex does not go away, and you have to look for them on the side.

6. Bad example an authoritative person for her husband. For example, if the father cheated on his mother all his life. Or the best friend is dating two women in parallel and does not consider it shameful.

7. Loyalty and strong relationships are not in vogue. today. We are broadcast from screens, published in glossy and fashionable books: “a man is as good as the number of women he had”, “an alpha male fertilizes the maximum number of females”, “men are polygamous.” And it’s hard to feel cool if, for example, your wife the first and only woman with whom you had something. Over time, I want to know more and more, but what about others.

eight. Often the husband begins to cheat when the wife grew cold to him. It is not necessary that she herself slept with someone. A person also feels spiritual betrayal and does not want to measure up with it, because men are terrible owners. The thought that you love your spouse, and she is no longer you, is unbearable. Sometimes it seems like the only way to deal with the pain take revenge on her with the other.

nine. Total control and excessive jealousy of the wife will make the husband ultimately cheat out of spite. In order not to suffer from unfair accusations. At least there will be something to receive!

10. When a wife clings too much to her husband, the man feels it. He knows that she loves much more, and begins to take advantage of it. Especially if he has already been convicted of treason and forgiven – which means that he can do it again without serious consequences.

Why does a man cheat, but does not leave

Why leave? Most men do not like change, preferring stability and comfort. If for a wife cheating on her husband this is a tragedy, a spit in the soul and a terrible betrayal, then a man can perceive this as a completely natural part of life. Everyone lives like that. Wife in the end the closest relative, the mother of my children, we ate a pound of salt together. And the mistress like an exciting trip to get some rest from the routine. What is the point of turning a mistress into a wife if in the end it will be the same with her and all the charm of such a relationship will disappear?

What to do

The problem of treason, in my opinion, is not in the very fact of having a relationship with another woman, but in the undermining of trust and spiritual intimacy between spouses. No wonder some couples agree on an open relationship. This is one of the options for the peaceful resolution of the conflict, but only very few people suit it.

Dear women, if you find out about your husband’s betrayal: it’s up to you whether to forgive him or not. You have the right to both, and you should not care about the opinion of others on this matter.

In any case, you should not suffer in silence. But, if you want to save the marriage, refrain from telling your husband what he is … (here are obscene words). This is not constructive. Better tell us about your feelings. What pain this news has caused you, how unhappy you are, and what a deceived fool you feel. Among men, there are few notorious scoundrels who want to humiliate their wife with treason, instill in her a bunch of complexes and make her suffer. More often than not, when the truth is revealed, they themselves feel very bad.

If your husband does not want to reckon with your feelings, you have every right to break off the relationship.

And if you are both ready for a dialogue and want to solve the problem, it is best to turn to a psychologist. Do not involve family and friends, their opinion will be subjective and unlikely to help. You need an independent arbitrator.

Some couples, after a serious test of betrayal, leave, even enter into new relationships, but … after a while they converge again, realizing that they have no one more dear to each other. And then a new round of relations begins, contributing to the spiritual growth and closeness of the couple.

Alexey Afanasov,
psychologist, leading practice and trainings

Why do women agree to relationships with those who do not value them?

I was motivated to write this article by a certain number of similar stories of my clients and friends.

Why does a woman endure when she is cheated on, not appreciated and for years not called to marry?

And at the same time, she continues to love, care and wait for him to make up his mind and make a choice to be with her.

Very often the reason is a woman’s low self-esteem, she herself does not even understand how beautiful, intelligent, interesting and deserves a different attitude towards herself!
Therefore, she agrees to such an unhealthy relationship where she is not appreciated and respected. Where you can forget to congratulate on the holiday, show up for your birthday later than everyone else or without a gift at all, change, do not spend the night, and so on.

The question is – why put up with all this? What hole inside ourselves do we close with the help of such men? And the hole is still the same – dislike from childhood and self-doubt, but at least someone is nearby and there is still a wild fear that he will leave, give up and you will be left alone.

Isn’t it too high a price to endure such an attitude towards yourself, to understand that you are not loved and appreciated, but it is just so convenient for him, but yes, there is sex, and the food is not bad – beauty. Well, let him show neither love nor tenderness and you have nothing to talk about, but he is near and I am not alone.
Somehow it’s not healthy, don’t you think? And not about such a relationship you dreamed of, but just got it!

What to do, you ask? Probably, first take off your rose-colored glasses, that he will change and you will deserve his Love). Love cannot be earned – it is either there or not! And there are men who are not able to love and give, they can only take and be where it is convenient for them.

But is it convenient for you next to him, this is a question …


Life is yours and you have only one and you decide – to be happy or to plug the hole and pretend that everything is fine with you, although your soul is empty and painful that they treat you that way.
Open your eyes, love yourself and be happy!

Margarita Mikhaleva,

certified trainer for Radical Forgiveness,

was trained by the author of the method – Colin Tipping,
Institute for Radical Forgiveness (UK)

Two dozen rules of etiquette that it is better not to break

Reading time 6 minutes

Etiquette is a sign of good parenting. Many centuries ago, some dogmas were created that characterize an educated person. Now these dogmas have been improved for the current era and the development of culture. But even in the modern world, not many can show signs of good taste. Therefore, we decided to talk about the most basic rules of etiquette that must not be violated.

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Continue reading “Two dozen rules of etiquette that it is better not to break”

Lucky!

Today I want to touch upon such a topic as “Someone was lucky!”

She or he was lucky in something in life, for example, in a relationship – “well, lucky!”

Here the couple has a happy marriage, an excellent relationship. Yes, there are couples who met at the institute, got married and everything is so easy and understandable, complete harmony, three or four children. And they have been married for twenty years, love each other, rest together, and every year love grows and grows stronger.

For some, it’s the other way around – it doesn’t work out for a long time, then in one partner something doesn’t suit, then in the other everything is not right, but not so.

And thoughts arise – well, why is someone lucky, but I’m still so unlucky?

And the question is not that someone is lucky and others are not, the question is that everyone has their own destiny, karma. Yes, it is karma – someone deserved just such a scenario of relations – happy, prosperous, from an early age of twenty years to meet your man, when everything is clear and easy. This is their Destiny.

But there are other people who have a different Destiny, different tasks, this does not mean that they are unlucky. They just need to go through some experience, perhaps through several painful relationships, in order to understand something, change in themselves, see, accept themselves first, so that later it would be easier to accept the other as he is – to grow up, wisdom.

We never meet someone by chance, we always meet exactly the person who corresponds to us, who reflects us, corresponds to our level, understanding of some things.
And if you don’t like your reflection, see what you can change in it. But change in yourself, and not in another!

Therefore, the question is not who was lucky, but who came with what?
Who came here with what tasks. For some, everything is very easy, while others have to work a lot on themselves, change something in themselves – grow wiser, grow up. To be ready for high-level relationships – conscious, mature, adult!

Therefore, the position “someone was lucky” is a losing one in advance.

We are all lucky – to be born, to live, to follow the Path that we ourselves have chosen for ourselves.

And to fulfill your task, mission and yes it is not always easy, sometimes you want to give up everything, but if you have a goal, then there is no point in feeling sorry for yourself and saying that you were unlucky.
After all, our happiness is in our hands!

Margarita Mikhaleva,

certified trainer for Radical Forgiveness,

astropsychologist, numerologist

Is friendship between a man and a woman possible?

Reading time 8 minutes

The psychology of friendship between a man and a woman is the most mysterious question, for many years psychologists have been trying to determine whether such a friendship exists. Let’s take a closer look at the features of heterosexual friendship, how to establish such friendly relations and save them? Why do friendly feelings arise between a man and a woman, which contributes to their creation?

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Features of friendship between men and women

Friendship of a man and a woman causes conflicting opinions, some people believe in its possibility, others do not, and girls are more inclined to such a relationship, and the guys understand that it is difficult to maintain such a friendship, the emergence of love is likely.

friendship

Why do girls like to be friends with guys, what are the benefits of such communication?

  1. Men think substantively, they can help with advice in solving the situation.
  2. Men are sincere in their manifestations, trustworthy, not inclined to compete with women.
  3. Guys are always attentive and courteous with girls, let them be the center of attention.
  4. Reliable in friendship – obligatory, always ready to help, aimed more at action than reasoning.
  5. Friendly communication helps in the future in building love relationships, promotes self-knowledge and understanding of the opposite sex, characteristics, differences.
  6. A good friend can give advice from a male point of view, help to look at the situation differently.
  7. Men are more truthful in their assessments, do not show envy, they can sincerely rejoice at their achievements, appreciate a new outfit, and give a compliment.
  8. For a young girl, communication with the guys is of great importance, it contributes to the growth of self-esteem.
  9. Communication with men is more interesting – it allows you to look at the world differently, new topics for conversation arise, and the range of interests expands.

Consequently, for girls and women, friendly relations with the opposite sex carry a lot of positive things, while it is worth being confident in choosing friends and being careful in choosing a company.

What are the reasons for friendship between guys and girls?

  1. In adolescence, the influence of hormonal levels increases, interest in the opposite sex, unconscious attraction appears.
  2. Girls are empathetic, can understand, show attention, care.
  3. It is pleasant to be in the company of girls, men like to feel the attention of women, support, positive assessments.
  4. Desire to impress the opposite sex.
  5. The desire to know the girls, the peculiarities of their behavior, thoughts, the desire to receive friendly advice from them.

friendship and sex

Usually, guys prefer male companies for friendship, but during adolescence, more often female and male groups intersect, mixed ones are formed. There is more and more interest in each other. At this stage, friendship is more of a preparation for love.

Are there any friendly feelings without intimate coloring? The psychology of friendship between a man and a woman endows such a friendship with a special status – it is not just friendship and not love, but rather an average. When people just make friends, communicate, there is a feeling who it is – a girl or a man, which causes special feelings. We are opposite in our inner essence, like fire and water, earth and sky, it is the differences that cause a strong attraction between men and women.

Friendship or love?

Psychology of love, love – friendship, how to distinguish friendship from falling in love? – a question that haunts many young people. Communication can be enjoyable, but where is the line symbolizing falling in love?

Let’s try to identify the main differences:

  • love arises, like a flash of lightning, a discovery, a sudden feeling, and a friendly attitude is the result of long communication, a series of meetings, joint activities;
  • love does not have special levels, it exists as a given, it is difficult not to notice, friendly affection has different levels – weak, strong, there may be acquaintances or real friends;
  • love – this is passion, and therefore suffering, presupposes ecstasy and high joy from meetings, but also the torment of parting and experiences. Friendly feelings are not associated with experiences, but rather aimed at the joy of communication;
  • love it is one-sided without an answer, and friendly interaction is usually a reciprocal process – communication, mutual sympathy, the desire to help in difficult situations;
  • love inclined to idealization, a person is real and at the same time becomes special, the best in the world, in friendship we really appreciate a friend, we see objectively;
  • in friendship it is important to feel the understanding of a friend and to feel the similarity of views; in love, a person is constantly looking for answers – is there reciprocity or not, whether they love me;
  • friendship fair and demanding to a lesser extent, love is insanity, constant anxiety, thoughts, even finding reciprocity, a person often feels ups and downs of joy and downsides of mood in moments of separation, experiences.

Friendship or love

The psychology of friendship between a man and a woman makes it possible to understand that friendly feelings are more humane, tuned in to the mutual joy of communication, and are useful for both men and women, but we remember about nature. If you want to maintain friendship and not go to the stage of love, you should adhere to the recommendations of psychologists:

  • Remind you periodically that you are just friends.

    I share sports. Companionship of different sexes has its advantages and disadvantages. The main question is: how do people perceive these relationships, what do they invest in them, see each other as friends, or hope for more?

  • Do not use flirting in communication, transparent hints of a close relationship.
  • Do not play with a person in the family – joint purchases, repairs and other similar matters.
  • Trying to keep your distance, too active communication can turn on other mechanisms.
  • Report that you are not looking for love or – a place in the heart is taken.

The psychology of friendship between a man and a woman determines: such friendly feelings arise as a result of joint activities – common work, team, hobbies, pursuits of interests. You can go to courses, learn foreign languages, play sports together. Companionship of different sexes has its advantages and disadvantages. The main question is: how do people perceive these relationships, what do they invest in them, see each other as friends, or hope for more?

Friendship and sex

The modern world has become more pragmatic, not everyone needs real feelings, there are young people who are just interested in a partner for a relationship. The expression “friendship sex” also appeared. What does this mean and is such interaction possible without a feeling of love? Initially, friendly communication excludes intimacy, and its presence indicates greater intimacy. How should this trend be perceived?

There are 3 options for the development of events:

  1. casual sex with a friend – booze, party, got carried away and here’s the result. What to do next? Forget and remain friends or become a couple, move to the next level of close communication;
  2. friendship for sex – this is a search for a temporary partner to enjoy life, people often feel uncomfortable alone, and this is a simplified version of meetings without obligations;
  3. friendship + sex – friendly feelings are at the heart of the relationship, however, there is also a conscious desire to receive physical relaxation, the rules of the game are established – no obligations, dating continues until the moment of meeting true love, according to observations, it can last up to 10 meetings, then falling in love occurs or one of the partners leaves for to another person.

relationships and sex

Of course, such relationships seem cynical or vulgar, less sublime than love, but they take place in the modern world, while “sex for friendship” is a big risk – it is difficult to meet a real friend, and close intimate communication can ruin a wonderful friendship. It all depends on people, moral principles, life values, priorities.

Friendship between a man and a woman is a reality

Psychologists have established that friendship between a man and a woman exists, which is also confirmed by social polls among the population – 61% of respondents believe in heterosexual friendship, 31% do not. However, the line is rather shaky and friendly communication is possible under certain circumstances:

  • friends have partners, lovers;
  • there is no intimate interest, there has already been an affair, there are friendly feelings;
    communication with married couples.
  • there is a mutual desire to maintain communication at the level of friendship;
  • friendly communication with married couples.

How to perceive when there is a friendship between a man and a married woman or a girl with a married man? Of course, not all spouses approve of friends of the opposite sex for fear of losing loved ones. The crux of the matter goes deeper – when a close friend, other than a spouse, appears, there is a high probability that there is no spiritual closeness and understanding in the family, which creates the basis for friendly relations.

A friend compensates for the lack of communication, mutual understanding, playing the role of a close-minded, dear person. Such attachments often arise on the basis of common interests – music, literature, foreign languages. People are united by common views on life, values, worldview.

It is worth remembering that if a person is sociable and wants to communicate with a large circle of friends, this is normal, but a close friend is an alarming sign for a couple. Such interaction in the event of difficulties with a loved one can become an order of magnitude closer. Often there is sympathy between friends, but they try to keep their distance, keeping the boundaries of independence from feelings.

Love after friendship

Love after friendship

The psychology of friendship between men and women pays special attention to the issue of friendship transformation. Love after friendship is a fairly common scenario. Friendly feelings imply trust, respect, and mutual assistance. The stage of friendship can be a preparation for love, it serves as an excellent foundation for establishing strong family relationships. Indeed, to create a lasting union, you need friendship, love, passion, respect, understanding. A close friend can know a person quite well and understand perfectly. Often, close friends can be a great couple, but they are afraid to upset the existing balance.

As you can see, love after friendship is quite possible and develops perfectly on the basis of friendly feelings, the main thing is that it should be mutual and desired, then there is a high probability of a successful development of events.

Benefits of love after friendship

  • lovers never get bored, have a great time together, have common interests;
  • the partner knows secrets, perfectly feels and understands the loved one;
  • the beloved is already familiar to friends and family, so those around them perfectly perceive the newly created couple, usually support and rejoice;
  • the beloved knows the positive and negative sides of the partner, calmly refers to the shortcomings;
  • a person perceives a partner naturally, there is no need to embellish himself externally or ascribe special qualities;
  • such couples easily find a common language, have an excellent level of mutual understanding.

love

Negative points

  • if the connection is broken, there is a high probability of losing a friend,
  • it will be extremely difficult to return to the previous level;
  • a person knows everything too much, it is impossible to hide something.

So, friendly relations can perfectly develop to the level of love and bring happiness to lovers, unite hearts, create families.

But the maintenance of friendly feelings after love is rather a myth, because it is difficult for a person to lose love, he prefers to hate or not see, than to be friends, to suffer. Meetings with a former love bring pain and smell of bitterness, it is better to minimize them. Someone will definitely continue to love and experience torment.

But small novels can eventually descend to the level of friendly feelings, people continue to communicate calmly, it all depends on the degree of immersion in a person, was there true love or just passion?

The psychology of friendship between a man and a woman is a rather complex and controversial topic, there are many options for relationships, and friendly feelings can be the beginning and put the development of further love or the end of other hobbies. The main thing is that heterosexual friendship exists if there is a mutual desire to maintain and maintain its fragile balance. And mutual communication, respect, help allows people to develop morally, to better understand the representatives of the opposite sex.

Friendly feelings are even more common than love, they are more disinterested, do not put forward constant demands, give more freedom and trust to friends.

Each independently determines the name of the relationship in which he is and sets the rules of the game.

We wish you all true and loyal friends!

The first date is the foundation for future relationships.

Each of us knows very well how exciting the first date is. You spend so much time and effort to choose a suitable outfit, and uninvited thoughts come into your head: “What if I’ll blurt out something stupid? What if you don’t like me? And the first date will be the last … “

What should be remembered in order to a) win over a person, b) evaluate the prospect of further relationships, c) enjoy the time spent together? Here are some tips.

Relax!

When you are relaxed, you are natural, open; you feel calm, in harmony with yourself and others.

“It’s not that easy,” you say. “How can I reach the state of Zen when I am burning with excitement?” There is a good way.

Just keep the thought in mind: in the end, either the person likes you or not.

This rule works both at the physiological and subconscious levels.

You can spend a lot of time on your hair, choosing shoes or the perfect shirt – and the brain signals him (or her) “no”, because, you see, the pheromones are not the right ones.

In addition, each of us has an ideal image of a partner. And at the first meeting, whether we like it or not, we project it onto a real person. If there is a deep dissonance – alas: “Thank you for a great evening, but we are very different.”

So, everything is simple, we repeat: either you like it or not. Everything! So relax and have fun. Great wine, isn’t it? That’s the same.

Ask the right questions

Do you want to unobtrusively understand whether this person is “your”? Here’s a quick three-question cheat sheet to help you learn more about him and assess the prospects for a relationship:

  • Does he have friends and how long have they been friends? (That is, whether he knows how to maintain a long-term relationship and compromise.)

  • Who are his friends? (We determine the circle of friends, life values.)

  • How does he see his future, say, in 5 years? (Well, what have we got here with goals and ideals?)

In general, we probe the soil, but so that it does not resemble an interview, or even more so an interrogation. It is worth asking such questions not in a row with a machine-gun burst, but from time to time during a date. Plus, each question will give impetus to a new round of an exciting and useful conversation.

Be kind to your partner

Pleasant disposition to a person, but not choking delight. The wild admiration seems to be fake. But adequate sympathy – it just creates an aura of trust.

One more nuance is important here. There are no ideal people. Everyone has small flaws, and this makes us human.

So show your partner that you see his imperfection and … do not attach much importance to it. Then he will see that he is accepted for who he is, and will relax, return to his comfort zone.

Don’t be afraid of your own imperfection

On the contrary, use it as leverage to lure your partner over to your side.

Did you accidentally knock over a glass of wine at dinner in a cafe?

“Well, I keep dropping something all the time. It’s good that now it’s just a glass, and not a bank card in a street drain, like a couple of days ago. ”

Everything, the bridge is built! The partner will either remember a similar story, or sympathize. In any case, the disadvantage will paradoxically be ranked among … your merits. Some absent-mindedness and awkwardness is so cute.

A person who sees his shortcomings and knows how to laugh at himself makes it clear: he is confident in himself and at the same time evaluates himself soberly. Frankness and light self-irony make a person desirable and attractive.


On the first date, both should not be shy, hide their flaws and show only one, advantageous, side. And who wants to turn their three-dimensional personality into a flat cardboard character?

The first date is a great start for a close and honest relationship built on trust and acceptance of each other with all the flaws.

Alexey Afanasov,
psychologist, leading practice and trainings

The virtual and real world in the life of a modern person

Reading time 8 minutes

The role of the Internet in human life is becoming more and more important, part of life takes place in the virtual space – social networks, instant messengers, websites, games. Life is constantly evolving, new technologies and achievements greatly simplify communication and provide more opportunities for obtaining information.

How to learn how to properly use the resources that the era of the Internet gives? What are the advantages and disadvantages of the virtual world? In the article, we will consider in order all the topical issues.

The role of the Internet in the life of a modern person

virtual world

The virtual and real world in a person’s life is now polarizing, there is an imbalance, there is a departure from reality, a large stay in the Internet. Someone learned to find a balance and use the Internet to achieve goals, advertise, promote a business or communicate with friends, find new acquaintances, for someone it becomes a substitute for real life, and not a means for realizing life plans.

The role of the Internet in a person’s life depends on a certain personality, the ability to allocate time resources, to make the necessary accents.

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Pros of virtual reality

pros and cons of virtual life

  • access to a huge amount of information – virtual libraries, scientific articles, reports, educational materials, trainings. Allows you to quickly find information on any topic, helps in obtaining new knowledge;
  • chatting with friends, finding new acquaintances – it’s amazing when, after years, people find each other on the network (classmates, classmates, distant relatives, childhood friends). Social networks and messengers make it possible to communicate with people located in different parts of the world;
  • exchange of files, information – the presence of e-mail, virtual disks has greatly simplified the transfer of information, letters, now within a few seconds you can send letters, the necessary files. The modern world operates at high speeds, while earlier mail went for months to other countries;
  • virtual cinema – movie lovers can find and download any movie, get acquainted with the latest releases, watch online, an incredible database;
  • virtual love – more recently it looked like a fairy tale, now more and more people find a soul mate through dating sites or social networks. The reason is modesty, busyness, more opportunities for communication with our guys, girls and foreigners. There are also dating agencies that help connect hearts in the virtual world. There is a new role for the Internet in human life;
  • sports reviews, broadcasts – For sports fans it is easier to track match statistics, watch recorded games, you can always keep your finger on the pulse. Television did not provide such opportunities;
  • new music, famous hits – there are music sites, portals that allow you to follow the emergence of new music, download tracks, listen to your favorite music online;
  • virtual stores – online – goods are becoming very popular, they minimize the time for shopping, and make life easier. People can buy things, services, both in our and foreign stores, using payment cards, as well as book tickets for transport, going to the cinema or theater.

The role of the Internet in human life is constantly growing, there are quite a few advantages, the world has become different, now it is impossible to imagine the life of a modern person without the Internet (search for recipes, knitting patterns, data on medicines), there is information about everything. Why are psychologists sounding the alarm, what are the disadvantages of the influence of the Internet?

Cons of virtual reality

  • Internet addiction – a person cannot live without a constant stay in social networks, checking mail, loses contact with the real world, leaves current problems, is forgotten, this is found among insecure people, with complexes, and often among representatives of the younger generation who avoid personal communication preferring the virtual.
    In this case, the role of the Internet in human life exceeds the importance of the ordinary world, which loses its meaning, seems gray and uninteresting. In virtual reality, a person can create his own image, image, become whatever he wants, this leads to an internal imbalance. It is better to change real life and engage in self-development than create illusions.
  • Medical problems – frequent use of the Internet leads to a sedentary lifestyle, causing vision diseases, decreased immunity, decreased appetite, disorders in the musculoskeletal system, headaches, heart and vascular disorders are often found.
  • New opportunities for fraudsters – thanks to social networks, a stranger can get a lot of personal information, there are calls to find out the data of payment cards, when they introduce themselves as bank employees, you should not trust such people, most likely they want to write off funds from the card through payments on the Internet. It is also better to buy goods, pay for services on trusted sites.
    The virtual world in a person’s life is becoming irreplaceable, it can provide tremendous help in finding information on any issues (medical, household, scientific), the main thing is to learn how to use it for its intended purpose, aimless wandering in social networks forms addictions and negatively affects the psyche, as well as a hobby for computer games.

The disadvantages of the development of the Internet in people’s lives are mainly associated with psychological addictions and physical inactivity, people communicate less in real life, and the ability to communicate decreases. It is important to find a balance between the virtual and real world.

The role of the Internet in human life has been growing lately, and communication is often reduced to correspondence and chats, it is worth adding variety to life – theaters, cinema, exhibitions, walks also allow you to spend time with good company in a pleasant company.

Research has identified the root causes of youth’s need for the Internet

pros and cons of virtual life

  1. Freedom of choice, freedom of communication, freedom of expression.
  2. Access to new and relevant information (latest news).
  3. A sense of globalization, a person perceives himself as a part of a worldwide network, and not a specific city or country.
  4. Convenience and efficiency in shopping and data exchange, sending photos, files.
  5. Obtaining information in the process of studying at a university, most of the knowledge is drawn from virtual repositories, standard libraries are visited less and less.

Thus, the Internet in human life has its own advantages, how to use the virtual space for self-education correctly?

Internet and self-development

Online world: the importance of the Internet for the development of people is irreplaceable, there are many ways to gain knowledge – virtual and audio books, libraries, video tutorials, training programs.

The role of the Internet in human life is increasingly reduced to obtaining knowledge, information, and necessary data. Indeed, the virtual network gives incredible opportunities to every person, the main thing is to learn how to use them, to discover the necessary methods and resources.

The online world for self-development is used in the following cases:

  • there is a need to master a new specialty, a field of knowledge without visiting an educational institution, everything is possible with aspiration, diligence and self-organization;
  • psychological self-development – a person constantly strives for self-knowledge, development, most of life situations – victories and failures, are associated with the human factor, and not external circumstances. It is worth working on yourself, changing your life. To help a large number of literature, trainings;
  • blogging is one of the ways of self-knowledge, self-expression, transfer of life experience, accumulated information, knowledge to the people around.reality and the internet

The role of the Internet in a person’s life is becoming indispensable in terms of learning, gaining knowledge, there is no longer any need to run around the book market in search of the necessary literature, it is much easier to find and download useful information. With high self-organization, you can achieve brilliant results in the development of any field, profession, foreign languages.

We offer a list of resources that allow you to get valuable knowledge for free

  1. https://www.skillshare.com/- free learning site, lessons on various topics;
  2. https://www.khanacademy.org/ – video tutorials and courses for listeners from all over the world;
  3. https://www.codecademy.com/ – a special site for teaching software development;
  4. http://ffc2016.startupnotes.org/ – a special startup school, many stories of successful people, life experience, practical advice;
  5. http://how.co/ – a platform for business, taught by successful entrepreneurs;
  6. http://startuptalks.tv/ – the site contains information about various business projects, areas of activity;
  7. http://rocketship.fm/ is a weekly training program taught by successful businessmen;
  8. https://ru.coursera.org/ is an international online learning program created by professors at Stanford University (there are Russian subtitles). Contains over a thousand courses.

There are many Russian-language resources that help in self-education and self-development.

  1. https://postnauka.ru/ – a site for fans of news in the field of science, the latest research, ideas, discoveries, first-hand information, articles by famous scientists;
  2. http://arzamas.academy/ – this platform assumes the format of humanitarian serials “, helps to remember the forgotten and learn new things about art, literature, philosophy;
  3. https://thequestion.ru/ru/feed – a site for all people striving for knowledge, built on the principle of questions and answers, you can participate in discussions, get new information;
  4. https://www.lektorium.tv/ – a site for schoolchildren and university students, contains video courses on various subjects;
  5. http://www.teachvideo.ru/ – a resource for studying it-technologies, various computer programs;
  6. http://elementy.ru/ – the site is dedicated to popular science topics, new reviews, articles, discoveries, questions and answers;
  7. https://lingvist.com/ru/ – free study of foreign languages ​​(English, French).

Special interactive program

how to deal with internet addiction

YuoTube plays a huge help in learning and obtaining information, which has become indispensable for listening to courses, lectures, video lessons on various topics.

The special role of the Internet in human life is no longer in doubt, the virtual network becomes an assistant in the development of new knowledge, obtaining information from professionals in various fields. Self-improvement is an endless process, the main thing is to set goals and constantly develop, whoever seeks will always find ways.

People are mistaken who believe that it is enough to get an education at a university, the modern world is developing rapidly and in order to keep up with it, you need to be aware of current trends in the right areas, receive new information, and master new approaches.

The space of virtual reality often becomes the second educational institution, giving chances for self-development, education in almost all industries, specializations, and there are a large number of free educational platforms and libraries. The most popular libraries are – https://4brain.ru, http://www.koob.ru).

Thus, the Internet in the life of a modern person has a multifunctional meaning, promotes communication, exchange of information, self-education. It is worth getting the maximum benefit and minimizing harmful effects. Any discovery of science and technology can be both beneficial and harmful, it all depends on the ways of application and the tasks that people set themselves.

The role of the Internet in human life cannot be called unambiguously positive or negative, it all depends on the context and the use of the possibilities of the virtual world, a lot of opportunities have opened up for many people: online professions, online stores, access to the knowledge of international universities. Each person discovers something of his own, special, by connecting to

For the Internet, it is important to be aware of what is useful and what is a waste of time, a leak of a valuable resource.

We wish to find our own ways of self-development, including using a virtual network!

The idealization of falling in love and the joy of love

One of the most beloved stories of Hollywood cinema, in various variations, describes a situation where a callous father forces his creative, freedom-loving son to settle down and become a lawyer – that is, to push his desires further and satisfy his father’s claims. American idealism draws its own natural happy ending, in which the son proves to everyone what a fine fellow he is, that he bravely followed his heart and achieved happiness, and did not fall for his father’s direction. And such a contrasting confrontation of personal will against someone else’s clearly reflects the conflict in the minds of most people, where their own insides hysterically bend under the pressure of external ideals.

If the will of ideals wins, a person languishes from meaninglessness and longing for the unrealizable – something important, but long forgotten in his gray everyday life. If the gut wins, the person faces the threat of being a lonely black sheep, kicked out of the social “matrix” for his otherness.

To fully accept such a challenge and feel deprived of public support for a formed personality, by virtue of its nature, is like death. Therefore, there remains a golden mean, where a person, at least, understands the social “language” and forms qualities useful for society.

In this sense, it would be possible to be one hundred percent yourself only in some kind of magical vacuum, where all desires are realized by a wave of thought without any annoying obstacles. And in our “angular” world we have to live with an eye on the conditions and really available opportunities. Otherwise, the world “punishes”. That is, we ourselves, acting carelessly, punish ourselves, running into these very “conditions”. I’m not talking about physical reality with its clearly solid objects, but about that fuzzy world where the personality resides – the world of ideas.

The ideas that a healthy person operates with are realistic – they express what is happening. If the personality does not satisfy the ideas about what is happening, it plunges into a personal psychic cinema, where he draws himself a performance of his own Napoleonic scale. The deeper this immersion, the weaker the contact with the “real”. The weaker the contact with the real, the more intense the internal conflict between the desired and the actual.

I’m not talking here about some mentally ill asocial personalities. It’s about all of us. Everyone, to varying degrees, rushes between love for real life and falling in love with what they want. In essence, this is the difference between love and being in love.

Idealization in a relationship

Idealization in a relationshipTo put it simply, love is when you like what is. And falling in love is when something that is not like it, but somewhere “out there”, on the backs of the mind, an “ideal” goal appears, designed to change what is, bending it to its ideal standards. In this sense, falling in love is the opposite of love – it does not accept the present, but denies it for the sake of a goal.

Therefore, lovers are always waiting for something: changes, special attention and care, so that their rosy ideals are satisfied. That is, a lover does not love a real person at all. Blinded by anticipation, he does not even notice who is in front of him, whimsically toils and waits for the chosen one to fulfill his dream – to become the “right” loved one in accordance with the ideal format.

The feelings and desires of the object of love are not taken into account – they are just absurd obstacles on the way to the goal. Falling in love does not allow objections to its ideal. And when a real person begins to hinder the realization of the expectations imposed on him, resentments and accusations of the poor quality of reciprocal feelings fall in his direction.

And it is surprising to the lover that the beloved does not understand that “everything is so simple, and you just need to meet“ love ”- so important and“ bright ”that it is not even possible to admit its falsity. In fact, the “bright” feelings of a lover are a capricious, childishly naive anticipation of the realization of their most coveted fantasies.

Therefore, in other respects, such a paradoxical situation occurs when a partner who is really loving is perceived as cold and callous, but a lover with his variegated emotions in fact does not even notice a real person, and, rather, on the contrary, does not love, that is why he remakes with intoxicated captiousness …

As always, I deliberately exaggerate and exaggerate in order to emphasize the implicit.

Impenetrability

BlindnessFalling in love acts similarly to a drug – it allows you to cover up the inner emptiness – the fear of life without ideal supports, and causes severe withdrawal when the “drug” leaves the zone of access. But the lover refuses to acknowledge the reality until the very end, because his hopes are so grandiose, and his feelings are so “holy” … Until reality pushes them through and through, bringing down merciless facts on fabulous dreams.

However, the collapse of unrealistic hopes does not allow everyone to draw constructive conclusions. The unlucky lover begins to think that the whole point is in the injustice of life, which has coldly deprived the dream of relying on. Or an inferiority complex enters into force, and then a person bends over from a feeling of his unworthiness, they say, he simply did not deserve happiness due to his innate mental defect.

Almost no one succeeds in taking and dealing with their idealism. This mechanism seems to be deeply rooted in the psyche of literally everyone. And the degree of realism, where a person does not chase rainbow chimeras, but looks closely at life, even among the most adequate people is very relative.

And love … There is nothing transcendent in it. This is a real pleasure, without any embellishments and painful expectations. No pathos and pathos.

But ask the layman about the difference between love and being in love, and in response they will say that love is one for life, inexorable and eternal, and there are many in love. That is, they say, as a rule, everything is about the same blind idealization, but raised to a superlative degree.

But we can also love what we have very conditionally. On progressman.ru, a number of articles are devoted to the topic of mental projections. Let me remind you briefly that life as we know it is a set of subjective understandings. Therefore, love happens to a person when her picture of the world resonates in accordance with what is happening. A person is able to love when, with all his aspirations, he calms down and quietly allows everything to be as it is.

Love is acceptance of what is happening. Falling in love is compensation for dissatisfaction with what is happening. Love agrees, love demands.

Idealization in business

Up! Roughly the same mechanisms, at times, act no less dramatically in all spheres of life. In this sense, two types of social activity can be distinguished. The first is motivated by the improvement of the current situation. The second is the joy of the very process of activity. For example, one artist is an idealist and paints to achieve perfection. The second works by vocation, and draws, because drawing is high for him.

And if the “future artist” is still dreaming of devoting himself to creativity, postponing the initiation again and again indefinitely, we can safely state the initial degree of “falling in love” – that is, idealism that requires achieving beautiful goals without taking into account the real inclination to achieve them.

Wanting to become strong, learn useful skills, move, win, bet on the future and do nothing for years … Sound familiar? To varying degrees, such a pseudo-love for their undertakings is familiar to everyone.

An artist by vocation does not dream of anything like that. He just draws because he loves to draw. And that’s all. He does not need any rosy fantasies about future glory and laurels for this. In reality, of course, everything is multifacetedly intertwined, and the joy of the process can easily be mixed with idealistic goals.

Similar “motives” can be traced in the religiosity of the East and West. Eastern teachings encourage you to pay attention to the processes, without being distracted by the mind by hallucinations of future goals. Western religiosity is closer to blind moralization – a pointer to ideals that are supposed to be aligned. And if it doesn’t work out, you are supposed to repent of your sinfulness.

Dissatisfaction with oneself is the “fuel” of the neurotic in the pursuit of phantom happiness. The advantageous side of the approach is the sweet taste of hope, and some kind of activity fueled by this hope. And there is a whole arsenal of negative sides. Failure to conform to ideals results in self-flagellation, hope turns into hopelessness and disappointment, and the picture of a wonderful future turns to dust every now and then.

Therefore, it is not so important what to do, as long as the process itself is satisfying. And if an occupation is frankly unpleasant and is used as a forced means to an end, no peace of mind can be seen.

“The Shawshank Redemption”

Escape from the ShawshenkoDissatisfaction with what is happening and striving for future goals can spur to movement. But such a movement is inevitably filled with resistance, the insides, due to suppressed desires, turn stale, and the hands drop. It seems that I want to go, but the path is painful and tortured.

The exceptions are goals, which, like acute falling in love, are idealized, charged with impenetrable hope. And in some situations, this approach is quite justified. Literary examples: The Count of Monte Cristo, The Shawshank Redemption. The main characters of these books, overcoming the hardships of imprisonment, lived for the sake of future freedom and wealth – a kind of crown of idealization.

Workaholics-careerists, perfectionists, all kinds of admirers of spiritual and worldly teachings, representatives of MLM business and other fanatical dreamers are addicted to a similar type of “fuel”.

Stable hope feeds their path to the future “light” and at the same time encourages them to start from realities, as if from yesterday’s step, overgrown with meaninglessness. And now, if the path leads to a dead end, the fanatic feels as if he is stuck, as in prison, in his ordinary life, devalued by colorful ideals. A rollback into despair and depression is the threat of this stage.

Such, similar to the acute stage of falling in love, idealization in business is rather an exception. Most often they move to the “better” sluggishly, make a forced step forward, get tired quickly, try to get down to business again, and retreat with rejection. Then, they begin to humiliate themselves again for evading the “right” deeds, in order to take another forced step out of a sense of guilt.

And after all, no one gives guarantees of achieving the “ideal”, and most importantly – the predicted happiness from its acquisition. Therefore, chronic disappointments along this path are included by default.

IdealizationIdealization is an ambiguous matter. Like a deal with the evil one, it encourages “to sell the soul” in exchange for blissful anticipation. And in some cases, the deal seems to burn out when the idealist achieves outward success. But happiness from him lasts, as a rule, in the region of five minutes. Further, either disappointment, or new ideals.

The idealist believed that success would allow him to finally begin to live, enjoying the process of being. But it is not possible to guarantee oneself a love of life after reaching the next buoy. Therefore, it is easier, and maybe wiser, to pay attention to affairs and hobbies that bring joy in the present.

But what about a Shawshank prisoner? Passively resign or hammer the tunnel to freedom? Personally, I do not see an unequivocal answer to this question. In extreme situations, any clue, any meaning that gives support, can turn out to be a thread to salvation.

But sometimes it is worth loosening the grip of ideals, and suddenly it turns out that there is no confinement: “devastation is not in the closets, but in the heads”, but in life – “everything in its right place.” Otherwise, continuing the metaphor, one has to sympathize with the rich with suicidal tendencies.

All this, of course, is a very simplified description, from which many exceptions can be deduced if desired.

© Igor Satorin

Other articles on this topic:

  • How to love yourself
  • How to motivate yourself to do something
  • Fear of mistakes, fear of the future
  • Love and relationships: on the surface in depth

P.S.
Anyone who has not seen the adaptation of The Shawshank Redemption, I recommend it. The film is on the 1st place in the rating of “KinoPoisk”.

P.P.S.
By the way about the leisurely contemplation of the East. Two years ago I went to visit friends living in Bangkok. I was surprised how leisurely and calm life the metropolis is. People are walking to work. And for all the time I saw only one irritated person – some European was talking on the phone, apparently with another European.

Relations between men and women in the Middle Ages

We say “Middle Ages” and mentally add “gloomy”. Indeed, the Inquisition, witch hunts and various epidemics were not the most joyful reality.

How did the history of relations between a man and a woman unfold against this background?

The marriage was concluded very early: the girls were married from the age of twelve, the young man was supposed to be fourteen. Of course, there was no question of feelings. Parents were engaged in the selection of a partner, and they were pursuing property or political interests.

Pre-Christian era

At that time, forms of cohabitation were popular in Europe, which had nothing to do with church marriage. Men and women simply “entered into” a more or less long-term sexual union, and the “family”, in addition to the couple and their common children, also included temporary concubines of the husband. At the same time, women had almost no rights and were considered property.

Early middle ages

In the 7th – 12th centuries, the family model began to change. The ideal, of course, was the Church, which extended its influence on the relationship between a man and a woman.

Christ is the head of the Church; the husband is the head of the family. Sex is a priori sinful, but in marriage this sin became “forgivable”, because it served for the birth of children. Of course, sexual intercourse for pleasure was considered a disgusting fornication.

The woman, in general, remained in the same position: an almost powerless creature, sinful in nature. The only way to get rid of this sin is to diligently bear children, obey your husband, be submissive and silent. As one nobleman wrote boastfully, “if the husband teaches [читай: поколачивает] wife, then she must accept it humbly, like a dog, at which the owner throws stones, and she wags her tail and runs after him. ”

By the way, reading books and, in general, self-education for women was considered disagreeable. Only nuns or relatively independent noble ladies could get a more or less tolerable education.

Late middle ages

In the XII-XIV centuries, the institution of marriage was developed and regulated by the Church to the slightest nuance. It became one of the Sacraments and was declared sacred.

This is a time of paradoxes. Despite the fact that adultery was considered a grave sin and was punishable by church courts (including the death penalty), only women were punished.

And the husbands? But among husbands, every third had mistresses and bastards (illegitimate children. – Note. ed.). In cities and large villages, brothels existed completely legally. Moreover, their owners could well have been important nobles and clergy.

Visiting prostitutes was not condemned by anyone. On the contrary, if a young man did not visit the brothel, they would gossip about him and suspect of impotence.

The Cult of the Beautiful Lady

Oh, this ideal was worshiped by every self-respecting knight! But the lady was usually chosen from among the married, so that she was both beautiful and inaccessible. The canzons and the Albs were really dedicated to her, they fought in tournaments in her honor and went on a crusade, etc. That did not prevent the noble knight from raising his hand against his lawful wife or exiling her to a monastery.


In general, one can only sympathize with the women who lived in those days, and rejoice at the present freedom, and if not absolute, but still the equality of the sexes.

The relationship between a man and a woman in Islam

Islam is a strict religion. But do not forget that its founder, the Prophet Muhammad, lived at a time when slavery, drunkenness and promiscuous sexual relations flourished, which led to the degeneration of the Arab tribes.

So, the strict rules of Islam became a pillar for a society of a new type, which to this day strictly observes its laws.

These are the main traditions of the relationship between a man and a woman in Islam.


1. A man and a woman cannot communicate freely!

Meetings and conversations of heterosexual company for the sake of pleasure are prohibited.

Communication between a man and a woman is possible only if it pursues important and legitimate goals, that is, it occurs within the framework of a work, professional or educational need.

A sympathy has arisen between the young man and the girl, which can develop into something more? Okay, but let their meetings take place under the supervision of their elders, so that everything is decent, modest, without flirting and, therefore, without unnecessary temptations.

What did Muhammad say about this?

One who believes in Allah should not be alone with a woman except in the presence of her mahram. [мужчина из числа ближайших родственников женщины. — Примеч. ред.]for satan will be the third“.

2. A woman must ascend to the marriage bed as a virgin

Islam mandates a man to be extremely delicate with his virgin wife, taking care of her psychological and physical well-being.

This rather harsh law has only one relaxation: a Muslim can marry a woman (and more than one) who was previously married. It is known that Muhammad himself did this when he married widows to give them protection and patronage.

3. Modesty, humility, and again humility

Islam initially tried to curb the powerful energy of sexuality, which is able to subdue a person and control his life. It is believed that sexual attraction, not limited by strict laws, will certainly go beyond what is permissible and wreak havoc in the community.

Hence, there are different departments for men and women in public transport, colleges, schools, mosques, hospitals, and even in homes.

Houses, by the way, are often built in such a way that a male visitor never intersects with women living in their own half – and vice versa.

4. A Muslim woman should dress extremely restrained and strict.

In some countries of the East, this is the niqab and abaya, hiding both the figure and the face; somewhere a woman is limited to a hijab and a dress with long sleeves and a hem. The bottom line is: in front of strangers, on the street, a Muslim woman should be dressed so as not to arouse sexual desire in men. By this, she shows that she should be appreciated for her character, good deeds and to see in her a person, and not a sexual object.

A respectable Muslim woman, dressed femininely and modestly, deserves every respect.

At the same time, Islam encourages a woman to decorate herself when she is at home, because her beauty is for her husband! She can also do this in the company of other Muslim women. Expensive jewelry (which her husband regularly gives her), exquisite outfits, cosmetics – all this is readily worn at home.


So, the status of a woman in Islam is determined not by her external attractiveness and active participation in the affairs of society on an equal basis with a man, but by piety, personal qualities and the desire to preserve her sexuality and charm for the only one with whom she is married.