In a recent article “Social phobia and thirst for society” this topic has already been touched upon. Today I will consider it in a practical application. I’m going to talk about how to use dating sites to find serious relationships.
From time to time clients come, suffering from forced loneliness, or the only “salvation” – the same forced destructive relationship, little better than a devastated, lonely life.
If life has become a rut from home to work, it will seem empty and meaningless to anyone. The boundaries of this track may appear to be the limits of the universe until they are explored with meticulous boldness.
Dating sites are a real way to get out of your comfort zone, expand your social circle, and have a serious relationship. But to the majority, it seems inoperative due to stereotypical delusions – most believe that relationships cannot be built artificially, they must be found spontaneously, on dating sites there are only freaks and losers, all men are preoccupied, women are corrupt, and it is impossible to find your man, therefore that in reality everyone turns out to be frustratingly different.
Let’s consider each separately.
Misconception 1: new acquaintances, friendships and relationships – something like a spontaneous fateful grace. It remains for her to humbly wait, as the naive Assol from “Scarlet Sails” waited for her mythical lover for years.
Building relationships on your own from this perspective will seem like an artificial fictitiousness. But you can unsuccessfully wait for your man until old age.
Imagine that you do not choose clothes for yourself, but quietly wait for what God will send you or your friends will donate. Maybe they will really share … something not very necessary.
People can spend hours choosing and trying on clothes, and not hitting their fingers in order to just as diligently approach the choice of a possible partner.
It is possible and necessary to deliberately build friendships and relationships. This is not a gift from heaven, but an independent painstaking work. And doubts about this are a sign of destructive fear-ridden beliefs.
Misconception 2: on dating sites, all men are preoccupied, and women are corrupt.
For a woman, the material security of the chosen one is really important – in the modern world this is how the ancient man’s duty is expressed – to be a breadwinner and protector of the family.
For a man, the first sex is really such a victorious line. But most still want a serious relationship and a family. Therefore, after the first intimacy, the man gradually switches, and pays more and more attention to the compatibility of characters.
Sexuality and social consistency are the “dressing-up” by which the evaluator is greeted. They will “see off” all the same, based on the general impression. I have already talked about this on progressman.ru in the article “Layers of personality”
Misconception 3: on dating sites – only “freaks and losers”, thrown by social natural selection to the sidelines of life.
Dating sites are a reflection of a crowded city street. Most are ordinary people – people who are supplied with the bulk of news, TV series, shows and advertisements. A few percent of the crowd are intellectuals: techies and humanities. Half are introverts, the other half are extroverts. A few percent are gay. The fifth part is fond of esotericism and psychology. One to two percent devote their lives to self-knowledge.
And all are strangers. But among them there is a percentage of potentially their own …
Imagine a junkyard. Around the dirt, garbage, trash, a bunch of bad smells. But you know you can find a diamond here. Therefore, you take a shovel, put on rubber boots, gloves, if necessary – a gas mask – and calmly move, leaving behind everything that did not arouse interest.
If, for example, your “diamond” is a serious relationship and spiritual harmony, and you are clearly being tried on as a means of financial or sexual gratification, then just walk by.
Misconception 4: dating sites do not work, because in real life a person always turns out to be unexpectedly different. So it is – offline all others, but not necessarily “worse”. Having gone to two or three meetings, one cannot rush to conclusions. Unsuccessful first dates are a real pattern. You just don’t have to wait for anything. Each meeting is like watching a movie. We drank tea, got new impressions – and went home. It’s perfectly normal to meet for the first and last time.
First dates, in general, have such a common property as unrequited feelings: either you don’t like you, or you don’t like you. And reciprocity is rare. But not exceptional. Perhaps I will write about this separately somehow – the topic is beyond the scope of the article.
And here I will say this: you need to go through about twenty first dates in order to find your man. Better to get it straight. Every fifth can become a friend, every tenth – a lover, every twentieth – the chosen one for a serious relationship. Indicators are approximate.
Two or three meetings a week – and the whole venture will take a couple of months. In a neglected case – six months. Is it worth it? You do not choose shoes, but the company of your beloved, who, perhaps, will fill you mentally for many years.
© Igor Satorin
Other articles on similar topics:
- Advanced Relationship Rules
- To begin a new life
- Relationships are real and expected
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