Domestic husbands: from macho to nag

Every woman dreams of a strong, confident man. Warrior, hunter. Well, you understand. With this, it is not scary to build a house and have children.

And so she chooses a fearless climber, or a courageous fighter, or, at worst, a cheerful and companionable ringleader, with whom it is never boring.

Why, after several years of marriage, does she find herself next to another “couch” specimen: dull eyes, beer belly, no goals in life? Such a spouse no longer arouses any desire in her … except to send for bread.

How husbands are “domesticated”

Often, a woman herself clips the wings of her beloved. And he does it out of the best intentions.

Before the wedding, the daredevil delighted his beloved with motorcycle races. Or was the star of kayaking, fearlessly overcoming steep rapids. But after Mendelssohn’s march, such dangerous activities are no longer approved by the wife. After all, the father of the family should not take risks. “You’ll fall off your cliff, but what about me? You do not love me at all…” – she pulls sadly.

If a man often hears such whining, soon his favorite pastime ceases to give him pleasure. Instead of being inspired by a hobby, he feels guilty. Caring for the peace of his wife, he eventually sacrifices his interests “for the sake of the family” and refuses all aggressive and dangerous hobbies.

His life loses its former poignancy, and it seems that he is not interested in anything else, except football on TV … and beer. Even so, he can relax, distract from work and family troubles.

“What if they take you away?”

Here is a man living life to the fullest. He breaks off on a weekend kayaking trip, is fond of mountaineering and leaves with friends on a hunt 200 km from home. He is strong, attractive, active. His circle of contacts is wide and is not limited to his home, dacha, work. “And this is fraught,” the jealous wife thinks. – A lot of them will fly to snuggle up to a strong shoulder. What if they take you away? ” And she sees only one way out: to tie her husband to her, not to let him out of the house, to come up with a lot of assignments so that “the man is busy and does not think about nonsense.”

“Why work on yourself, let him change”

A man, from whom the energy of a real male emanates, is, of course, more difficult to keep by his side. For this, a woman will have to constantly work on herself. You need to try to be an interesting companion and an attractive companion for your protector.

In addition, a strong man will certainly want to make important decisions himself, and his wife’s voice will be rather deliberative. One must be able to adapt to a man-leader, to yield to him the leadership.

But many women, although they dream of a husband, with whom they are like behind a stone wall, are not ready to change themselves.

And they do what is much easier: they begin to change the man and challenge his primacy in the house.

They grimace at the sight of his friends, limiting their social circle to “proven” and positive friends from all sides. And it would be better if he spent time with the husbands of his friends. Or accompanied his wife on shopping trips.

Convenience or respect?

Of course, it is convenient to have a husband-friend close at hand, who meekly drags a bag after his wife while she chooses her shoes or lipstick. It is comfortable when the spouse washes the dishes and scrubs the sink and floors without talking. But somehow … it becomes boring with him.

He – sad and submissive – has no spark in his eyes. Well, that strong and slightly dangerous male energy, which attracted you before, does not come from him. And where does she come from if all male occupations are forbidden to him?

And most importantly, a woman ceases to feel protected. Can this house husband, doomedly driving a vacuum cleaner across the carpet, bang his hand on the table, defending his position? No. And to protect from hooligans on a deserted night street? Once he definitely could, but boxing gloves have been sold for four years now, and football boots are gathering dust on the mezzanine. Became a rag, in a word.

Let him be a man

In order for a spouse to preserve and increase his primordial male energy in marriage, a woman needs to accept his natural masculinity, muscles, passion and aggression. And do not try to remake your husband for yourself.

What qualities would you like to see in your husband in reality? Strength, responsibility, sense of duty, firmness and reliability. All this is not given to the boy from the very beginning. A man develops these qualities in himself during his life. Don’t hinder him. And don’t judge your spouse by yourself. After all, male and female responsibility are different. A woman is more responsible for life within the family, the atmosphere in the house; and the man’s responsibility is directed towards the outside world. It is the husband who gives the family a certain social status and security.


Instead of forcing your husband to scrub dried food off the plates, ask him to buy you a dishwasher.

Do not forbid your spouse from going out with friends or to a football match.

And if you already married this person, be ready to trust him, respect his decisions.

Think about parenting! Let the father show his son how to become a real man. And she will give her daughter protection and care, so that in the future she will look for her husband as a defender, strong and courageous like a dad.

And yes, you have to work hard to be interesting to your husband. But you know what? Next to such a person, you will always feel like a Woman. So relax and have fun.

Lyudmila Ivanovskaya,
psychologist, trainer, specialist in the field of relations
and family constellations


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