How I lost myself in a relationship …

Fall in love, forget about everything, completely dissolve in your chosen one! It would seem, what could be more beautiful? But at a certain moment you suddenly notice that you have not been living your own life for a long time … You are bored of going to your favorite job before – after all, he is not there. You are not interested in old hobbies – because he does not share them. Your whole life is focused only on meeting his expectations. And you feel that you have turned into some kind of appendage of your beloved man.

If you are still determined to preserve your own I, it is time to change something. Let’s figure it out: how did you set foot on this path and how to get off it as soon as possible? ..

Signs that you are losing yourself as a person

  • “I am much worse than a loved one.” You constantly compare yourself with the chosen one and understand that you are simply no one next to such a person.

  • “He’s the best at everything.” You are clearly idealizing your beloved. You attribute to him the virtues that you yourself invented – intelligence, courage, reliability, numerous talents …

  • “I will be what he wants.” You have completely ceased to be yourself, playing the role of the ideal woman in an attempt to please your loved one.

  • “I myself am to blame for everything.” You push your own feelings away and endure everything from your man: rudeness, disrespect and even violence. At the same time, blame only yourself for everything: I don’t care much about him, I try badly, I don’t love so much. Trust me, your partner honestly tests the limits of your patience … and is pleased to find out that you are ready to forgive everything!

  • “The meaning of life is he.” If your partner does not share what is dear to you – career, self-development, sports, creativity – and does not accept friends and family, this also ceases to interest you. You have become just a shadow of a loved one, invisible and uninteresting to anyone, and first of all to yourself.

When at least one sign is present in your relationship – it’s time to sound the alarm!

Psychologists say: the hardest thing is to admit to yourself in the problem. If you’ve gotten over it, it’s time to change your life.

Here are some tips:

  • Do what pleases you. Don’t try to please your man in everything. Take care of yourself and learn to enjoy everything you do for yourself.

  • Never Show Your Addiction from a partner. Live by the principle: I feel good with you, but I will live fine without you.

  • Live your own life. Enjoy your own emotions, develop as a person. You will become interesting to your chosen one only if you value yourself.

  • Don’t become a victim. If it seems to you that your partner was disrespectful or rude, do not excuse him or take the blame on yourself – be sure to explain to your man that talking to you in such a tone is unacceptable.


The best thing a person can do for the world is to become happy. The happiness of others is their own task.

Lyudmila Ivanovskaya,
psychologist, trainer, specialist in the field of relations

and family constellations

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *