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How to get out of depression after a breakup? This question is faced by those who have recently lost their soul mate. A certain chain of events leads to the end of the relationship. The person experiences melancholy, apathy, internal discomfort. The soul suffers from attachment to a person who irrevocably disappears from life. Next, let’s figure out how to continue to live and build new relationships.
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Post-breakup depression: what it is
Everyone knows about alcohol, tobacco and drug addiction. By analogy with them, there is dependence in relation to a loved one. The fear of loss is comparable to death. To liberate oneself from a state of oppressed feeling, one needs a strong desire, a desire to achieve a result and an unshakable will.
Coping with depression after a breakup is difficult, but possible. As soon as the awareness of the need to be with someone, to show love and care comes, there will be an understanding of oneself. It is important to start by realizing that loving and being loved is a basic human need.
If a man who loves her disappears from a woman’s life or the opposite situation occurs, then the consciousness does not believe in the event to the last. It tries to live in the past or moves in the present with great difficulty. Pleasant and joyful memories fall into the category of unbearable thoughts, sometimes they plunge a person into a state of depression. As soon as the pain rolls in with renewed vigor, the situation is further aggravated. Therefore, it is important to get out of depression as quickly as possible after breaking up.
To get out of a depressive state, you need to deal with its main components, which are included in emotional attachment.
There are the following stages of this feeling:
Attraction is described as a powerful emotion. It has to do with both the mental and the physical state of a person. Falling in love means the perception of events in pink, the partner seems to be the best and ideal. During attachment, a deep and lasting bond is established between two loving people.
Hormones or love
Understanding how chemicals are created that affect positive emotions can help relieve depression after a breakup. During falling in love, a person produces endocrine glands. These include endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin. Such elements are found in the body of drug addicts. They constantly need the next dose, which helps to provoke the release of the listed substances.
Romantic love usually ends because of biochemistry. The body is simply not able to constantly maintain the release of a large amount of hormones, over time, a strong attraction to a partner becomes less and less.
After about three years, disappointment sets in, falling in love passes, the relationship breaks down. Depression can go away only after a person clarifies to himself the essence of the chemical processes in the body. The depressive state with this kind of parting does not last long. Confirmation of this is the statistics of divorces, especially in the first years of family life.
How to get out of depression after breaking up and not be addicted to love? It is important to understand that sad feelings overwhelm a person rather not because of the departed partner, but rather because of their state of loneliness and melancholy. It turns out that the individual is deprived of love for some time. Wish they never ended. Usually such a desire is characteristic of egoists. It happens that a loved one or a loved one leaves, it’s hard to put up with it.
Phases of the disease
Depression after breaking up with a partner has roughly the same scenario for everyone. The stages of the disorder are sequentially included. After a period of separation, there are five phases:
- Shock, numbness, denial.
- Resentment, resentment, aggression.
- Attempts at reconciliation.
- Apathy and depression.
- Awareness, acceptance and adaptation.
During the shock and numb phase there is the first response to the fact that the partner has left. The personality denies such an event. This usually happens when the breakup is unexpected, without good reason. It is difficult to be aware of the choice of a partner and to accept it. The abandoned spouse still has the illusion that the relationship can be restored.
Consciousness does not want to accept the fact of rupture. The brain triggers a defensive reaction. The person still does not think about how to get out of depression after breaking up. He is trying to regain his soul mate. These are defense mechanisms in stressful situations.
Sometimes divorce is planned, mutual, but the spouses still do not accept the fact that they are no longer partners, and do not have a common future. Difficulty in awareness at the level of the psyche, she lives by past events. The shock can last for several months or years, this negatively affects the physical and mental health of the individual.
In the second phase, when resentment and resentment arise, the person begins to realize the gap. Here, the former partner is seen as a tyrant who caused pain, brought mental anguish. It seems that revenge will help get rid of depression after a breakup. Sometimes you want to take revenge by blood. This is how the instinct of self-preservation, inherent at the genetic level, works. If you need to survive, then it is better to attack first.
As soon as the peak of emotional stress is reached, aggression pours out. There may be outbursts of rage that are difficult to control. Partners constantly quarrel, are constantly in the stage of sorting out the relationship. There is a manipulation of children, relatives are involved in the disassembly.
This is followed by an attempt at reconciliation. This is the most difficult period. A person is influenced by negative emotions. Useful neurotransmitters are almost at zero, the brain wants to compensate for the deficiency of the hormones of happiness (dopamine and serotonin). Partners most often seek to revive already faded feelings.
Apathy and depression are the longest and most dangerous stages. Some people go through it for years. If there have been several attempts to return a loved one, then severe depression sets in after parting. The main question is how to get through this period.
Loneliness is especially acute, there is indifference to everything that happens around. There is a feeling of worthlessness and uselessness. It is important not to dwell on this state. The blues easily transform into deep depression, from which it is later difficult to get out without outside help.
It seems to a person that life is continuous pain, there is no longer any meaning in existence, the individual is constantly sad. At times, despair rolls over, the desire to no longer see anyone, including yourself. Here you need a comprehensive psychotherapeutic and drug treatment.
In the final phase of awareness and acceptance, a person begins to adapt to new circumstances. The main thing is to accept the changes as a fait accompli that cannot be changed. The person no longer wants to raise his personal story, there is no point in analyzing the events that led to the breakup. Separation is another step for the formation and development of oneself, a new experience.
At one point, a person may have a strong motivation to act, win, master new skills. It is an incentive to create future happy moments. The hidden reserves of the body help not to get depressed after parting. As soon as the fifth phase comes, the person feels a surge of energy for new relationships.
Each of the described phases depends on a number of factors:
- Individual character trait.
- Self-esteem level.
- The state of the nervous system.
- Stress sensitivity threshold.
Also, an important role is played by the reason for the separation, the age category of each of the partners, the need to resolve property disputes and the lives of children, the significance of the lifestyle after a divorce or breakup. Please note that support from relatives and friends has a positive effect.
How to get out of depression after a breakup? First of all, you need to recognize its presence and find out the main symptoms. The leading signs that may indicate pathology are:
- depressed mood;
- a sharp decrease in the level of performance;
- desires of constant solitude;
- lack of interest in life;
- pessimistic attitude towards the present and the future;
- thinking about death, attempting suicide;
- overestimated and unreasonable attention to their own health.
Additionally, it is important to pay attention to symptoms such as changes in eating habits, difficulty concentrating, insomnia and disturbed sleep patterns, and intermittent sleep patterns.
When answering the question of how to get out of depression after parting, you need to take into account the problems in the formation of alcohol and drug addiction. For some, it becomes a decision to use psychotropic drugs, which harms physical and mental health, causes melancholy, mental pain.
How to cope with depression
First of all, do not get discouraged, as this damages the psyche, which affects all areas of life. There is no need to give up slack, slide into depression, there is a way out of any situations.
Psychologists recommend following these steps:
- Give free rein to emotions. If necessary – scream, cry, let off steam. This is how you can fight depression after a breakup. Once the negative emotions are over, the mood will improve. You don’t need to keep anger and resentment in yourself.
- To distract, if possible, from hopes and thoughts about the future with a loved one, who cannot be returned in practice. Such reflections will not lead to anything good. Instead, the person runs the risk of getting a depressed mood.
- Do not fence yourself off from the outside world. It’s important to keep going about your daily activities as if nothing had happened. So you can get distracted from thoughts that are constantly oppressive.
If there is such a need, then it is better to change something in life. It is allowed to change hairstyles, clothes, place of residence, work, friends – everything that makes a person happy, gives the feeling of a new page.
Psychologists recommend going on a long trip. At the very least, they suggest taking a vacation for a week and leaving for a warm country. There is no better cure for getting out of depression after a breakup other than traveling.
A kind act is another way to get positive emotions. For example, experts advise finding a shelter for a stray animal or going to a charity evening.
The best solution is to simply let go of the situation and forget the person. There is no need to hate him, as this is exhausting, does not give a positive and constructive development. Attempts to return a lover or beloved in most cases do not lead to anything. The departed needs to be released in order to overcome depression after separation.
It is important to continue moving forward, in no case to dwell on events from the past. There are still many happy moments ahead.
Each individual has his own reaction to breaking up with a partner. There are general symptoms that are most commonly manifested:
- activation of old phobias;
- manifestation of irrational fears;
- suicidal thoughts;
- fast fatiguability;
- loss of meaning in life.
One or more signs indicate that a person is overcome by melancholy and blues. How to get out of depression after a breakup? Accept and understand the fact of a break in relations, their irrevocability, try to build a new, more successful and happy union.
In some situations, a person cannot do without additional help. This is especially true of moments when he seeks to commit suicide, suffers from serious nervous disorders. At the very least, you should ask for support from family and friends. It is recommended to visit a psychologist or psychotherapist if possible. Before getting rid of the problem, it is important to acknowledge its existence.