We open our souls to the person whom we consider the closest, but sometimes this openness turns against us, and the beloved hurts to the very heart.
It’s not easy to forget the betrayal of our exes. Mental wounds take a long time to heal. Entering into a new relationship, we are no longer in a hurry to carry our heart in the palm of our hand. Now we are over-cautious and distrustful …
Why is the trust of partners so valuable?
In a pair where there is no trust between partners, a kind of cold war occurs: each army carefully guards its borders and secrets – after all, any information will be used against it. If help is needed, the warring parties will ask friends or relatives for it – just not from a partner.
Imagine that a person who has lost confidence in people has a hole in his soul, and this is fertile soil on which fears, complexes, doubts bloom over time. Gradually, the unfortunate person falls into depression. He is constantly waiting for a trick from a partner, and any of his steps seems suspicious to a jealous person.
But if, despite the pain and disappointment, you still plan to find your happiness, and not shoot back all your life from potential enemies and sit in a trench of salutary loneliness, you will have to learn to trust people again.
5 practices to restore trust in your partner
1. Analyze your fears carefully.
What prevents you from trusting this person? After all, you yourself let him into your life. Are there any real reasons for caution, or is the painful experience of the past telling in you? Work with your fears on your own or see a counselor. As a result, you will understand that the reason is not in your partner and not in universal injustice – the reason is in you. Uncertainty, dissatisfaction with yourself, unwillingness to take responsibility for your life – these are the possible roots of your fears that interfere with your relationship.
2. Drive away negative attitudes
Perhaps the elders have drummed into you life “wisdom” since childhood: “You cannot trust anyone!”, “All men are goats!” or “All women are bitches!” Try to get this heresy out of your head. Start small – look around, look at your family, friends, acquaintances. Is there really no one to trust? Are there really no happy couples in your environment that arouse admiration? If they find their happiness, then you can. So stop listening to whiners and pessimists, learn to think positively!
3. Build your self-esteem
Trust problems very often start with low self-esteem. Do you not believe in your own worth, in the fact that you really deserve the best? Perhaps, deep down, you are even convinced that deceiving and betraying you is in the order of things, because you are far from ideal? Forget about it! You are the most precious thing you have! And they are worthy of all earthly blessings, including true love!
4. Be honest with your partner
It is impossible to build strong relationships on lies and deceit. Learn to be honest about your fears, needs, and dreams. And ask for the same openness from your partner.
5. Do not criticize your loved one
A person will not be sincere and open with someone who is looking for punctures and shortcomings in everything – constantly clinging to words and accusing him of far-fetched misconduct. If, for no reason to suspect a partner of treason, he really wants to go to the left (how long can you tolerate your attacks for nothing?).
Do the exercise with your partner “Falling for Trust”…
One of you will fall, the other will catch. Stand with your back to the catcher. He should be somewhere a meter behind you, you can bend or sit down a little. Now, without bending your legs or turning, fall back, trying not to insure yourself. The partner’s task is to catch you without letting you hit the floor.
Then switch places. Scary the first time, but worth it! You will make sure that you can rely on each other.
I propose not to look back at past experiences and, if necessary, work hard on yourself in order to stop living in anxiety and re-open to your loved one.
To tell the truth, we spend too much energy to prevent something terrible that actually does not depend on us, or may not happen at all. You cannot insure yourself in everything, accept it. Why not just enjoy life?
Learn to treat negative experiences philosophically as well. Don’t be afraid to try, failure is essential to our spiritual growth. Do not believe in far-fetched patterns and bad fate, by this you only lay negative attitudes.
And remember that you have countless attempts to build a relationship with this or another partner. You will definitely become happy if you strive for this.
psychologist, trainer, specialist in the field of relations
and family constellations