Inflated self-esteem: should we fight it?

We honor everyone with zeros
And in units – yourself.
We all look at Napoleons,
There are millions of two-legged creatures
For us, the tool is one.
Original Russian Text © A.S. Pushkin “Eugene Onegin”

A huge number of all kinds of articles, dissertations and scientific works were devoted to the study of the problem of lowered human self-esteem – it was studied through the prism of psychology and psychiatry, methods were created to deal with this problem, which is more relevant than ever in the rhythm of modern life. But by the way, quite a few began to forget about the opposite problem, which also exists now and which to deal with is much more difficult and more difficult than with the first – this is the problem of too high self-esteem. Is the narcissistic person a mental disorder or a congenital trait?

The ability to love, as well as to accept all of your essence is very commendable, the only thing you need to be able to do is not to cross that fine line between a sober assessment of yourself and unreasonable exaltation over others. How can this problem be identified? What are its main symptoms, as well as what needs to be done to “descend from heaven” to earth “- all of this will be the subject of this text.

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daffodil man – who is this

The problem of an overestimated level of self-esteem was known long before the onset of the modern era – many of people living now are accustomed to naively believing that the problems of the inner “I” – its acceptance along with assessment – is a problem of the 21st century, which appeared due to the excessive aspiration of people getting better in all directions. However, everyone should be assured that this is not the case.

Examples of problematic, as well as distorted personal perception, both in individual directions and in their complete totality, were known back in ancient times – remember the myth of Narcissus – about a young man who could not love anyone, because he considered himself the crown of creation. The end of this myth is sad, as the main character dies, turning into a beautiful flower that bears his name.

A narcissist is a person who greatly exaggerates his own strength and significantly underestimates others. There is a kind of dissonance: I am better than everyone else, and everything is worse than me. There are no exceptions and there cannot be.

Signs of inadequate self-perception

Before you deal with high self-esteem – first you need to understand whether you need it – whether you actually have a problem of this kind. It is very easy to do this, since the signs by which you can understand this are very easy to notice and recognize in yourself.

Here are the most common ones:

• There is only one correct point of view – your own. No one else can be right if they disagree with you, because only you know how to do it right. In fact, the inability to agree with other people s arguments and admit one s own wrong is one of the clearest signs that the human ability to evaluate oneself is somehow deformed.
• Excessive self-confidence – you can understand this, using a fairly simple example. So, imagine that you have been asked to participate in a very important project at work. However, for a number of reasons, for example, such as: lack of qualifications and lack of the necessary experience, on your part, can completely fail this project. What a person who adequately evaluates his strength will do – will refuse, and what a narcissistic Narcissus will do – agree. And it does not matter that he cannot cope – his excessive narcissism does not even allow us to assume this kind of outcome of the event.
• Self-development – why? – indeed, why – after all, I know everything, I can do everything, and in general – I am the best, I am the best. Something like this thinks, a person who needs to begin to struggle with high self-esteem. He does not seek to develop, learns or master something new only because of one argument – I KNOW EVERYTHING WITHOUT YOU. It is with such capital letters that this thought is highlighted in his head when he is offered to learn something.
• The impossibility of accepting criticism – starting to criticize a person with too high self-esteem – be sure that a tsunami of indignation will fall on you, combined with a pronounced, as well as overt aggression. “How dare you criticize me ?! Who you are?! Who gave you the right to do this ?! ” – Rest assured, proposals of this kind will immediately begin to flow in your direction. If you begin to notice this kind of thing behind yourself, this is a reason for you to think about yourself.

In fact, there are a lot of similar signs and it took more than one hour to list them. However, the above are the most noticeable ones that others pay attention to.

The danger of such manifestations

People with high self-esteem, on statements from the category “High self-esteem is a problem,” will only shrug their shoulders condescendingly, not believing that such a statement is true. However, it is worth noting that excessively (precisely excessively, including undeservedly) overestimating yourself, you may begin to have acute social conflicts with others. What, in fact, is quite logical – judge for yourself, who will like that they are condescended to from Olympus of their own pride?

It is one thing if such an assessment is deserved – a person is successful in his industry or is a kind of genius – then, though reluctantly, people understand the reason for this behavior, which allows them to close their eyes to it. But even in this case, it is still necessary to fight against overestimated self-esteem.

What to say if all of the above is clearly not about you? For example, is a person an ordinary clerk with average income and intelligence? Be sure, such behavior will never be forgiven, on the contrary – conditions will be created that resemble a trap, from which it will be very difficult to get out. So is it worth it, to turn everyone around against yourself, just in order to amuse your ego? Is this sacrifice justified? This answer must be given first of all to yourself.

The psychiatric component of high self-esteem

Before you start giving advice on how to do it right, as well as to deal with high self-esteem, you need to understand that this is also a common symptom of a number of mental disorders. For this reason, if, nevertheless, they began to notice the pronounced signs of this problem, it is worth seeking the advice of a doctor. For the category of people who consider all this to be just a waste of time, it is worth noting that with the following psychological disorders, this is one of the key symptoms:

• A narcissistic personality disorder is a disease in which a person considers himself to be overly significant, ascribes to himself various kinds of achievements, even the smallest of which should delight everyone around him.
• Bipolar disorder or manic syndrome – excessive mental activity, the desire to achieve an impossible goal, sudden mood swings due to the fact that he no longer causes that delight among the people around him. Moreover, it does not matter at all whether these people are familiar to him or not.

Thanks to the observation of people suffering in one way or another with similar symptoms, it was possible to qualify two types of people in whom it is inherent:

1. Inadequately or unreasonably high self-esteem – this is often found in people with a complete lack of any life achievements or in adolescents. Moreover, if in the latter case, there is simply a need for a slight adjustment due to improper upbringing by parents and close environment, then in the first, in order to force a person to fight with overestimated self-esteem, you need to sweat a lot, because, thanks to her, he can at least somehow present their own skills along with achievements, even if the latter are practically absent.
2. An adequate overestimated level of self-esteem – this is found mainly in adults, accomplished personalities. They are explained by the fact that against the background of achieving certain successes, as well as successes, the natural reaction will be precisely to demand praise, which is well-deserved. The main thing is not to step over the line, which is distinguished by the desire for well-deserved recognition, with the desire to create a whole cult of one s own personality. In the first case, it is commendable, in the second, it is already condemnatory.

How to effectively deal with high self-esteem: the most effective methods

After a thorough analysis of your own personality, personal circle of friends, and ambitions has been carried out, you can begin to practice on yourself the practical part of cognitive psychotherapy. Do not be intimidated by such complex words – in fact, at first glance, everything is quite simple. The only thing you shouldn t expect right away is instant results. It is also necessary to clarify that it is very difficult to cope with this kind of problem on your own, since you need extraordinary willpower, which will go in symbiosis with the desire to change yourself.

However, if you are confident in your desire to normalize too high self-esteem, you should pay attention to the following methods:

1. To begin to form in oneself the skills, as well as the desire to listen to the opinion of others – the ability to accept and respect them. You also need to understand for yourself that sometimes you can get something new and useful for yourself from other people s thoughts.
2. Self-criticism is a useful quality. Nobody is perfect. Yes, even you. Therefore, you should not panic that something did not work out for you – this is normal. Thus, each of us is improving ourselves.
3. Respect for others – or rather, for their feelings, desires and dreams. You should not ridicule someone s desires or dreams, even if they are primitive and childish (for example, collecting a collection of Barbie dolls from the 1990s). No matter how absurd human striving may seem to you, each of us is obliged to respect it, period.
4. Not giving up help is one of the leading ways on how to deal with high self-esteem. Feel free to ask for help when needed! Understand that it is rare when you can achieve high goals without the help of loved ones or colleagues. Moreover, it is impossible! Thus, you can kill two birds with one stone – you will be able to achieve your goals and also learn to perceive yourself adequately.
5. Ask people close to you to evaluate your demeanor, and then give an adequate description of it – it has already happened that rarely any of us can see the shortcomings in ourselves, which are nevertheless very noticeable to the rest. For this reason, it will still be better to listen to the opinions of those people whom you fully trust. This will make it easier for you to identify the very essence of the problem, which will help to eliminate it faster.
6. Defining new aspirations that are based on a careful analysis of your own strengths – choose goals that are within your reach. This does not mean that you need to give up what you do not have the skills to do. No, just do everything to the best of your ability and skill.

The main thing that needs to be conveyed to you to your surroundings is to stop being secretive in front of you. Yes, you need to talk to people who have a similar problem openly. If you made a mistake or did something wrong, you should be told this frankly, and on your part everything should be perceived bluntly. Of course, it is worth clarifying that all reports must be as correct as possible, without any insults.

Self-love is not always a bad thing.

The desire to fight against overestimated self-esteem is certainly commendable, but do not forget that you still need to soberly evaluate yourself. If you are better at something, for example, at work, then you should not belittle your dignity, just in order to please others. First of all, you are a person who should stand out and be different from the rest. Be yourself, allowing yourself sometimes (but only sometimes) to exalt yourself if there is a good reason for it. In the end, whoever is not you, will be able to study yourself and yourself, and most importantly, accept.