Is jealous – that means he loves?

– He is jealous of me even for a chair!

Happy! So he loves!

Each of us has come across jealous people at least once in our lives. For someone, to be jealous, you need a serious reason, and someone is ready to explode from scratch because of their own conjectures and fantasies. Today we will consider just such unreasonable, pathological jealousy.

Jealousy and love – is it possible to put an equal sign here? Of course not. There can be no love without trust, and a pathological jealous person not only does not trust, but constantly humiliates and offends his partner with offensive suspicions.

The main fears of jealous people:

  • Fear of loneliness – a person is afraid of betrayal of a partner, because after the breakup, he will have to rebuild his life.

  • A blow to the image – cheating, as it seems to a jealous person, will cause irreparable damage to his reputation, make others think of the cuckold as a sexually insolvent or unattractive partner.

  • “Stigma in the gun” – often without any reason the one who, without a twinge of conscience, cheats on a partner is jealous. That is why the jealous person is sure that everyone, like him, is preoccupied with finding sex on the side.

As you can see, all of the above motives have nothing to do with love.

What is the reason?

When it comes to morbid jealousy, it does not matter at all whether the partner on whom suspicions fall is faithful.

The trust of a jealous person cannot be earned in principle.

No matter how you try to take care of the feelings of a loved one and not cause jealousy in him, this will not help.

Such people have catastrophically low self-esteem. A jealous person does not love and does not respect himself, does not believe in his own solvency and attractiveness. In this situation, respect for your partner is also out of the question.

A striking feature of a pathologically jealous person is the panic fear of loneliness. Jealous people are emotionally dependent on a partner and constantly demand proof of love, arrange scandals and tantrums, while holding a loved one with a stranglehold – after all, deep down they are sure that they will not find a worthy replacement for their partner.

Pathological jealousy implies total control. This is manipulation, the desire to control a loved one by any means and to be always right, towering over a partner. But overcontrol kills love.

You cannot make a person love you the way you want them to.
You cannot force someone to be faithful to you.


Jealousy (and I repeat, we are here talking about its pathological form, without a real reason) does not carry anything positive. This is only a displacement on the other of the accumulated anger, disappointment, anger, resentment, insecurity and self-pity. And does anyone really think that love can grow from this bouquet? No and no again!

Jealousy does not create anything, but it can easily destroy a relationship. And the only way out for a jealous person is to begin to understand oneself for a long time and painstakingly, to work with one’s fears and grievances, to learn to love and respect oneself. Learn to trust your partner.

Lyudmila Ivanovskaya,
psychologist, trainer, specialist in the field of relations
and family constellations

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