The most common myths about men

Why do men come back after breaking up

Any person in his life passed such a test as parting with a loved one. It is very offensive and sad when you are abandoned, and you are deprived of those feelings that you had for a person.

But in order to better survive the moment of parting, there should be friends nearby who will calm down in difficult times and always support. Many ladies say: “do not worry, walk up and come back.” And in fact, in most cases it happens that way. The man leaves the girl, and then realizes that he loves her and therefore returns.

Reasons for leaving

In fact, there are many reasons why a guy can leave and leave a girl. In some cases, the girl herself is to blame, sometimes it happens on the initiative of the guy. So, the reasons that induce a man to end a relationship are rooted in the following:

  • Bored with everyday relationships.
  • The guy found himself another.
  • He no longer likes his companion and the passion has faded.
  • The man realized that it was love.
  • A man cannot support such a woman.
  • The man realized that he did not want to live a long life with you, you are not his person.
  • Your partner is scared by your family or friends.

Many women, after parting, begin to blame themselves for misbehaving. But you should not only blame yourself for parting, most often both partners are to blame for this.

What you need to do to get a man back

Very often it depends on the woman’s behavior whether the man will return to her or not. A woman herself should push her chosen one to reconsider whether he really wants to continue the relationship. But in order to return the relationship, you need to act competently, calculating every step and action.

To return a man to the family, you need to listen to the following recommendations:

  • After parting, you need to find a reason and meet a man. But only the meeting should take place in a positive way, from which only positive emotions should remain. You can remember joint pleasant moments and stories from life. You need to open up to a man from the other side, so that he falls in love with you again and wants to continue the relationship.
  • A woman should show a man how beautiful she is and whom he has lost. To do this, you need to change your image and buy new clothes.
  • If after parting a man is alone, then you need to provide him with warmth and tenderness, which he lacks so much.

But if a man went to another woman, then it is unlikely that he will be returnedb. You just need to come to terms with it and understand that this is fate, and it is better for you if you break up with a man now.

Why do men come back

Life is difficult and situations can be different. And when a man returns after parting, the woman begins to puzzle over the questions: why did he return? Is it worth it or not to take him to the family?

Common reasons why a man returns to his family will be described below:

  • Having lived alone, a man realizes that it is hard for him without his woman, and therefore, having weighed all the pros and cons, he nevertheless decides to return all relations.
  • If a man left you just because of boredom, when he starts dating his mistress, he begins to compare two women. And when he realizes that the one he left is better, he leaves his mistress and returns to his beloved and unique.
  • If, after parting, a man finds out that someone has appeared with his ex, he will want to return to her and win the lady’s favor, since he understands what kind of woman he missed.
  • Men may return out of curiosity to see how their former companion lives. Usually, such a relationship does not last long.
  • It is rare, but still possible, when a man realizes that he has made a mistake, and wants to return all the previous relationship and correct mistakes.
  • If a man loves you very much, then after parting he will want to return to you, and he simply cannot imagine life without you.

Whether or not to accept a former life partner is up to every woman to decide. You need to understand what kind of relationship you will have after the breakup. In general, everything depends on the specific situation and the behavior of the partners in it. The reason for the separation of the beloved must also be taken into account.

Relationship after the return of a loved one

If you do accept back the man who abandoned you, you need to prepare for the fact that your relationship may be somewhat different than those that proceeded before the breakup. But a woman must show her wisdom in order not to admit the same mistakes.

Before accepting a loved one, you need to answer the following questions:

  1. Do you really love your partner.
  2. Are you confusing pity with love.
  3. You definitely need a person who once left you.
  4. Are you ready to change yourself and learn to find compromises.
  5. Are you confident in your partner.
It must be borne in mind that for a good relationship you need to work on yourself and change so that the man does not have the desire to leave you again.

In order for the relationship to be perfect, you need to adhere to the following tips:

  • There is no need to complain about your problems so as not to become boring for your partner.
  • You don’t need to argue with your partners often and annoy him.
  • You need to be restrained and learn to be silent at the right moments.
  • You need to be sexy and satisfy your partner in order for him to feel good next to you.

First of all, a woman should love and respect her partner, only in this way the union will be long and strong.

There are situations when a man leaves forever, but you should not worry about this. You need to be glad that fate has taken you away from such a person and wait for a meeting with a partner worthy of you. There is no need to dwell on one person, maybe he is not as good as you think. You need to reconsider your attitude towards your partner and understand that he is simply not worthy of you.

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About breaking boundaries in pairs

Many problems in a pair can be avoided if the boundaries are right. To do this, you must clearly define how you can not be dealt with under any circumstances.

It is important to set boundaries at the very beginning of communication. And then make sure that they are strictly observed. What kind of partner’s behavior can be safely called unacceptable?

Unsolicited criticism

Veronica could change several outfits before getting her husband’s approval. The husband criticized everything. The skirt is too short (“I don’t want my wife to be like a prostitute”), then too long (“Are you going to the porch?”). The varnish chosen by the girl turned out to be “Vulgar”and the bag is “Cheap”… As a result, Veronica stopped buying clothes herself. Having come to a psychologist, the girl complained of self-doubt.

Unsolicited negative judgments about figure, clothing, or image are boundary violations. The partner should also not be allowed to call names or devalue you (“You drive like a chicken!”, “Who will take you to work like that!”). The critic puts himself in the position of an adult. He allows himself disapproving remarks, automatically assigning another person the place of an unintelligent child who needs constant control and guidance. But for a harmonious and healthy relationship in a couple, communication should take place on an equal footing. Remember that you and your partner are both adults.


Cyril was constantly late. At a friendly party, an important business meeting or his sister’s anniversary – everywhere he invariably came later than everyone else. True, his wife Alina was always to blame. After all, it was she “his shoes were doing somewhere”, “she did not let him go to bed on time,” “she did not warn that the clock was being set.” When Alina went on a week-long business trip, Kirill was late, because Alina “called him at the wrong time.”

If a person is not able to take responsibility for his own actions, he has a great temptation to shift responsibility to another. This is how the mechanism that psychologists call projection works. A person sees his negative qualities or mistakes in his partner. If this happens in your relationship, it is a sign of blurry personal boundaries.

The control

Alla and Nikolay seem to be a wonderful prosperous family. Nikolay works a lot and with enthusiasm, and Alla runs the household, providing her husband with the “rear”. But behind this facade, Nikolai is gasping for breath. Nikolai’s salary card is with Alla, and his wife gives her husband money for gasoline and lunches in the office. Alla took over the family shopping and makes almost all important decisions: where and when to go to rest, whether you need a loan for a new car. Even in those areas where Nikolai could choose himself, he acts at the behest of his wife. Alla advises Nikolai to ask for a salary increase or offers to fire his secretary. Nikolai is grateful to his wife for her care. But at times he feels that he is living “some kind of a life that is not his.

This stifling concern is a controlling behavior. Often the one for whom decisions are made does not himself notice how his boundaries are violated more and more. Such distortions do not lead to family happiness. Indeed, in a healthy couple, each partner should bear his part of the responsibility for the relationship, without pulling the blanket over himself.


Katya had long wanted a fur coat, but she understood that her husband would not approve of the purchase. Victor is thrifty, and Katya already has a solid winter coat and a sheepskin coat. Then the woman convinced her husband that it was high time for him to update his wardrobe. Victor’s winter jacket is frayed, and he deserves much better. Victor protested, but Katya bought him several expensive things with assurances that she did not feel sorry for anything for her beloved. When soon Katya raised the issue of a mink coat, Victor had no choice but to agree to a purchase. Otherwise, he would look callous and ungrateful in relation to a caring and loving wife.

By communicating, we constantly influence others, and they influence us, whether we like it or not. But when one person quietly and deftly achieves his own benefit at the expense of a partner, regardless of his interests and desires, this is already a real manipulation. The victim does not realize that she is being manipulated, so she cannot fight back.

Threats and coercion

Alexander has been living with his unloved wife for many years and is burdened by this. But he cannot part with his wife. Lyudmila has a weak heart. If Alexander is not caring enough, his wife turns pale, suffocates and asks to urgently bring medicine. Lyudmila often tells her husband that she will not survive the divorce. And if she ends up in the hospital, she will tell everyone she knows who brought her to this state.

Unlike stifling control and unsolicited advice, threats and coercion are most often perceived by the participants in the relationship as pressure. However, having got used to living with blurred boundaries for years, people no longer know how to change the situation for the better.

If you realize that your boundaries in a couple are being violated, then it’s time to start rebuilding your personal space. The good news is that you are the person who has to show your partner where your boundaries lie. This means that the ball is on your side.

To build boundaries, you yourself need to clearly understand what is acceptable to you and what is not (for example, you cannot be beaten or you cannot be deceived). You need to rigorously require others to respect your boundaries. Always, and not from time to time, otherwise these are not boundaries, but whims that no one will take seriously.

For your boundaries to be strong, you yourself must not do what you consider unacceptable to others. For example, if you can’t stand yelling, never yell at your partner.

When you try to establish tighter personal boundaries after breaking them for years, those around you are likely to be very surprised. Indeed, everything was fine before, but now you are changing the rules. Be calm, firm, and consistent. Then your loved ones will receive a clear signal and will accept new rules for interacting with you.

It’s never too late to start building boundaries.

Good personal boundaries are the key to harmonious relationships and good mental health.

Lyudmila Ivanovskaya,
psychologist, trainer, specialist in the field of relations
and family constellations