How often in life it all depends on where we choose to put the comma. All people are different. Everyone has their own interests and views. When two people defend their interests, they have, to put it simply, two ways out of the situation: either to agree, or to enter into a conflict and unleash a miniature “war”.
It can be difficult to come to an agreement, because in practice, finding a solution from which everyone will benefit is obtained in rare successful cases. Therefore, accommodating opponents have to become wiser: to compromise, bend and sacrifice something – you cannot get out of it. And such a balancing of interests is given the more difficult, the stronger the person is confident in his righteousness. Selfishness in such a situation can become a hopeless eyesore. A person who is confident in his righteousness does not comprehend that his opponent can be confident in his own with the same force. The interlocutors selflessly scroll the following ego songs:
My anger is the righteous defense of truth and justice, and the anger of others is a demoniac selfish evil.
I give out smug advice like an all-knowing Guru to show other ignoramuses how tall I am and how low they are with their low-grade experiences.
If a person dares not to meet my expectations, he must pay justly by enduring all the beatings necessary for this procedure, which will pay off my “holy” torments.
I certainly know the truth, and other people’s opinions are just a bulge of their egos.
In a dispute, I expect support from others so that and others confirmed my superiority over my opponent truth and justice have triumphed!
Other people’s ideas and opinions that do not coincide with my deeply advanced and lofty spiritualized worldview are just idiotic illusions.
I prove myself right to protect your greatness the truth.
In other words, a person stubbornly defending his position often does not understand that his opponent is in the same situation. He may believe that he is fighting for justice, while the opponent, on the contrary, is fighting for personal selfish needs. And this state of affairs may metaphorically resemble a picture of two bulls who, having met somewhere on a bridge over an abyss, cannot disperse in any way. And if they cannot agree, the ending of this situation may turn out to be very deplorable: a fight, a duel, a war, and other varieties of infantile idiocy. People sometimes do not understand how fragile physical bodies are. The payback for the dubious high of self-affirmation of pride can be catastrophically disproportionate.
A stubborn person seems to expect that by unleashing a war, he will certainly win, gain the glory of a great and just conqueror-commander, and receive a fashionable order for the defense of universal justice. Everyone will bow to him and honor him, because he furiously heroically defended your selfish opinion great truth! Sometimes, having met such idiot “Hero” on the way, it is more productive to retreat. If you cannot retreat, then the acquisition of wisdom begins when there is an urgent need for intuitive awareness in order to be able to find the right words and agree.
And it is necessary to negotiate, because in fact, blind donkey obstinacy inevitably leads to destruction. After all, life is not a cake that is sweet for everything, but a set of different-sized conditions, sometimes smooth, sometimes angular and rough, bursting into which with unrestrained conviction that we are right, we inevitably stumble upon these very corners and roughnesses. So life polishes us, with detached indifference chopping off our sharpest and most inelegantly protruding thorns – those very blind beliefs where we believed that the universe was wrong, and it should have already agreed with us, to accept the position of our little infantile personality.
This is how we grow up – more and more subtly distinguishing the nuances of the conditions “here and now”, we adapt to them not only morally and socially tested, but also taking into account more subtle psychological, karmic and other circumstances in the lotus position. There are already a number of articles on this topic on progressman.ru under the tag “sensitivity”.
Stubbornness is useful in endeavors, not in relationships. Donkey stubbornness becomes a golden quality when we give up addictions, maintain a healthy lifestyle, work and do not give up what we started halfway, but bring our valiant deeds to the end! And in a relationship, in order to maintain universal harmony, it is necessary not to measure with fangs, but to hear, understand each other and negotiate.
© Igor Satorin
Continuing the theme: “Serious relationship”
Other articles on this topic:
- Conscious communication in conflict situations
- Reaction to negativity
- Power struggle