What shouldn’t be done on the first date?

What shouldn’t be done on the first date?

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Margarita Lopukhova

Expert
– Margarita Lopukhova

Family psychologist. For 8 years now I have been saving “family units” from disintegration. I help couples to find love and understanding again.

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  • 3 min.

intrigue.dating

107258, Russia, Moscow, Pogonny proezd, 14с1

[email protected]

a girl and a guy in nature

The moment of acquaintance is the foundation of future relationships. One wrong move and the first impression will be hopelessly ruined. What should you never do on your first date? Let’s take a look at a few simple things that often derail dating.

So, when meeting a man, you cannot:

  1. Judged by appearance. Dirty clothes, unpleasant smell, unkempt appearance are a clear signal that you have to run. However, if the interlocutor looks neat, even if he is not dressed in expensive things, he is worthy of your attention.
  2. Communicate with formulaic phrases. “Tell me about yourself” is the worst thing you can say to a man when you meet him. Don’t turn a date into an interview. Behave naturally and do not fall into a stupor – this is just a meeting with a man!
  3. Tell everything about yourself at once. Even if you are a very sociable and interesting person, a man only has to find out in the process of further communication. Leave at least some secrets for the next meetings, otherwise there will be nothing to talk about later.
  1. Play hard to get. If you want a man to seek you, you need to interest him in something, and not just play the role of Princess Nesmeyana.
  2. To teach. Perhaps a man himself copes well with his life, if he can exist on his own and even go on dates with girls. And he definitely does not need moralizing in communication.
  3. Complain. Even if you have a black streak in your life, at the first meeting the interlocutor does not need to know this. You will still have plenty of opportunities to cry on the guy’s shoulder.
a girl and a guy in nature

  1. To criticize his sense of humor. This quality cannot be changed, and even if the man’s jokes do not make you laugh, he still will not start joking in a different way. It is possible that you just haven’t figured out the direction of his humor just yet.
  2. Do not offer to split the bill. This is elementary politeness, and the guy will most likely refuse. However, this way you will let him know that you did not go on a date with him for selfish purposes.
  3. Pressing too hard on him. “When we meet again”, “what will we call our future children”, “what color will our cat be” is a taboo. Don’t force events!
  4. Consider in advance that all is lost. Even if the men you met earlier were all but one goat, it is not at all necessary that the new acquaintance will turn out to be the same.

TOP 10 mistakes on the first date

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The first date is the foundation for future relationships.

Each of us knows very well how exciting the first date is. You spend so much time and effort to choose a suitable outfit, and uninvited thoughts come into your head: “What if I’ll blurt out something stupid? What if you don’t like me? And the first date will be the last … “

What should be remembered in order to a) win over a person, b) evaluate the prospect of further relationships, c) enjoy the time spent together? Here are some tips.

Relax!

When you are relaxed, you are natural, open; you feel calm, in harmony with yourself and others.

“It’s not that easy,” you say. “How can I reach the state of Zen when I am burning with excitement?” There is a good way.

Just keep the thought in mind: in the end, either the person likes you or not.

This rule works both at the physiological and subconscious levels.

You can spend a lot of time on your hair, choosing shoes or the perfect shirt – and the brain signals him (or her) “no”, because, you see, the pheromones are not the right ones.

In addition, each of us has an ideal image of a partner. And at the first meeting, whether we like it or not, we project it onto a real person. If there is a deep dissonance – alas: “Thank you for a great evening, but we are very different.”

So, everything is simple, we repeat: either you like it or not. Everything! So relax and have fun. Great wine, isn’t it? That’s the same.

Ask the right questions

Do you want to unobtrusively understand whether this person is “your”? Here’s a quick three-question cheat sheet to help you learn more about him and assess the prospects for a relationship:

  • Does he have friends and how long have they been friends? (That is, whether he knows how to maintain a long-term relationship and compromise.)

  • Who are his friends? (We determine the circle of friends, life values.)

  • How does he see his future, say, in 5 years? (Well, what have we got here with goals and ideals?)

In general, we probe the soil, but so that it does not resemble an interview, or even more so an interrogation. It is worth asking such questions not in a row with a machine-gun burst, but from time to time during a date. Plus, each question will give impetus to a new round of an exciting and useful conversation.

Be kind to your partner

Pleasant disposition to a person, but not choking delight. The wild admiration seems to be fake. But adequate sympathy – it just creates an aura of trust.

One more nuance is important here. There are no ideal people. Everyone has small flaws, and this makes us human.

So show your partner that you see his imperfection and … do not attach much importance to it. Then he will see that he is accepted for who he is, and will relax, return to his comfort zone.

Don’t be afraid of your own imperfection

On the contrary, use it as leverage to lure your partner over to your side.

Did you accidentally knock over a glass of wine at dinner in a cafe?

“Well, I keep dropping something all the time. It’s good that now it’s just a glass, and not a bank card in a street drain, like a couple of days ago. ”

Everything, the bridge is built! The partner will either remember a similar story, or sympathize. In any case, the disadvantage will paradoxically be ranked among … your merits. Some absent-mindedness and awkwardness is so cute.

A person who sees his shortcomings and knows how to laugh at himself makes it clear: he is confident in himself and at the same time evaluates himself soberly. Frankness and light self-irony make a person desirable and attractive.


On the first date, both should not be shy, hide their flaws and show only one, advantageous, side. And who wants to turn their three-dimensional personality into a flat cardboard character?

The first date is a great start for a close and honest relationship built on trust and acceptance of each other with all the flaws.

Alexey Afanasov,
psychologist, leading practice and trainings

TOP of the best places to date with the girl of your dreams

TOP of the best places to date with the girl of your dreams

Journalist, webwriter, blogger. I tell stories that readers love.

Margarita Lopukhova

Expert
– Margarita Lopukhova

Family psychologist. For 8 years now I have been saving “family units” from disintegration. I help couples to find love and understanding again.

  • views 8971
  • comments fourteen
  • 5 minutes.

intrigue.dating

107258, Russia, Moscow, Pogonny proezd, 14с1

[email protected]

date at a restaurant

The very word “date” implies something very romantic. It is very difficult to surprise modern girls: we live in a world of great opportunities, even in small towns various exhibitions, concerts and events are regularly held.

The content of the article

  • one The best options for a date

Moreover, the demands of the opposite sex to each other are also growing by leaps and bounds – and finding themselves alone, two young people are embarrassed and can, at best, sit on a bench in a park or some dull coffee shop. So where do you go on a date so that both are fun and interesting?

You should always have a backup plan. Better yet, two. Life is unpredictable and can make its own adjustments – bad weather, a restaurant that is suddenly closed, or whatever. Be ready for anything and do not take a change in plans as the end of the world.

Be sure to think about how much money you are willing to spend. If this is the first date, it is better not to spend it in an expensive restaurant if you cannot afford it – as a result, you can set a bar for the girl that you will not pull in the future. And in this way it will be possible to immediately weed out a lady pursuing mercantile goals.

The best options for a datei

  • If you are more specific about the choice of places for dates, it is better to start this list with a walk in the fresh air. Comfortable, practical and natural – you will be in a neutral environment and will be able to be yourself. Choose a beautiful park, square or embankment for a walk, where dozens of the same couples in love will walk. Your companion will feel confident and at ease, and you can chat about any topic, have a good time, eat ice cream or have a cup of delicious coffee.
  • Going to the ice rink or rollerblading in the park is a great option. Even if the girl has never skated, you can teach her and act as a real hero. If you also don’t know how to skate – well, there will be an opportunity to learn together, and she will not feel so inept next to you.
  • There is no girl who doesn’t like animals. She may like seals, birds, fish, snakes or even spiders, but it never hurts to look at the animals and diversify her horizons. Therefore, a zoo or animal show is a great choice. Psychologists say that a person’s attitude to animals largely determines his character and temperament in life. You will have a great opportunity not only to have a good time with your companion, but also to get to know her better.
Sarah Jessica Parker

  • Walking on the water is a great pastime even if you are only having a first date with her. Fresh breeze, beautiful landscapes, romantic atmosphere … And until the end of the trip she will definitely not run away from you. The option is not relevant if there are no reservoirs in your city. Then you can replace the ferry ride with a horse ride or, at worst, go to the movies.
  • If you are an active person and cannot sit still, bowling is a great option for a date. Loud music, bright lights, fun entertainment – what could be better if you want to have fun with your lady? Even if you both don’t know how to play, it makes absolutely no difference, because you don’t need any special skills in order to knock down the pins with a ball. Just do not try to pretend to be a super professional and knock out a strike every time – the girl may be offended and quite rightly consider you a narcissist. Move the excitement of gambling to the background and enjoy the company of a beautiful girl.
movie 43 movie

  • If you are going on a date with a girl who loves noisy companies and parties, take her to a bar. Dancing, dim lights, a cheerful atmosphere, a huge cocktail list – most likely, both of you are not shy at all and will have fun with all the heart.
  • Perhaps the most romantic option you can think of is a rooftop date. A surprise played in dozens of films will impress any girl. It is not necessary to have a whole feast – a bottle of champagne and a light snack will be enough. You can do without alcohol at all, so that the girl does not think that you want to drink her. To avoid unpleasant situations, you should just ask her how she feels about a glass of champagne on a date?
guy in the restaurant

The most important thing on a date with a girl is to be yourself. Don’t try to sound like someone you are not. Well, do not forget to put yourself in order – it is not necessary to wear a tuxedo, just clean ironed clothes and a neat appearance will do. Your beloved will definitely appreciate all the efforts made to organize a romantic date.

Message from the editor

If you have finished reading this article, then we have not tried in vain! Our employees work tirelessly to constantly surprise you with something new and useful. Want to share another secret? Specialists in the field of social psychology have come to the conclusion that it takes at least 10 years to achieve maximum emotional and intellectual unity with a soul mate! Thus, if you think that after 3 years of relationship you know everything about your loved one and have already practically merged into one whole – wait a minute. Further, a lot of interesting events await you that will test the strength of your relationship. Join us – we will try to solve your every problem!

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  1. avatar

    in short there are guys who bother and those who do not give a shit, and where can you find the first? Could you tell??

  2. avatar

    I piss to invite you on a date, because I’m afraid she will ask – where will we go and I’m such mmmm bbbbb mmmmm I’ll be like an idioto> __

  3. avatar

    but how to find out in advance without spoilers, she may be allergic to flowers or animal hair, or suddenly she is afraid of water … it’s easier to invite someone you know a little more on dates, but it’s sooooo difficult to navigate with a girl you don’t know !!!!! ( (

  4. avatar

    so maybe when you come there will be three ahahahahahaha x))))

  5. avatar

    I don’t know, guys are not very smart, I still have several offers from different boys and all as one invited to “see a movie at their house ” xD

  6. avatar

    I think bowling is not suitable for everyone, but you can try to teach a girl to play if she doesn’t know how! there will be a reason to put your arms around her waist or take her by the hand!

  7. avatar

    I was on a heap of successful and unsuccessful dates and I liked it when they came on a date first, with gifts and flowers) I liked it when they brought me to the amusement park, took a ride on a boat, on a horse) this is something that does not happen every day)

  8. avatar

    ohh, that’s nothing, I met on the Internet with a guy who said on a date that he left his wallet at home and I paid myself, of course there was no second date after that LOL

  9. avatar

    pfff I do not care where they invite, and most importantly, that the guy pays for everything, otherwise there were unique people who offered in half xD xD xD

  10. avatar

    I got a very sensitive girl, so I’m not sure if I can take her out to some crowded place, probably the roof will be the ideal option;););)

  11. avatar

    the main thing is to make a few chips on the date so that it will be remembered, so no matter where it is, it is important for me to see that the guy tried and tried to do something special = ^. ^ =

  12. avatar

    I like the idea of ​​bowling, I like the fighting girl, so if she agrees to go on a date with such a loser like me, then you need to think about a very active vacation !!!

  13. avatar

    maybe a cafe is trivial, but a classic, why not =) you just need to choose a cafe away from the place where you both live, so that it is more romantic and not afraid to meet friends or exes, which has already happened a couple of times in my life ..

  14. avatar

    I don’t know what to choose for the very first date, I’m immensely happy because the girl, whom I courted for a very long time, finally drew attention to me, but I don’t know when and where to call, she has nails, so probably there’s no bowling alley, I don’t know where the roofs are open, but we don’t have a zoo in our city …

  15. Open comments

Don’t do this on your first date with a man!

Don’t do this on your first date with a man!

A day without a book is a bad day. An experienced editor, a ruthless but fair critic.

Margarita Lopukhova

Expert
– Margarita Lopukhova

Family psychologist. For 8 years now I have been saving “family units” from disintegration. I help couples to find love and understanding again.

  • views 1083
  • comments 0
  • 3 min.

intrigue.dating

107258, Russia, Moscow, Pogonny proezd, 14с1

[email protected]

disgruntled girl

Dating the opposite sex is a very interesting activity. There is no universal pill that will solve all problems, answer all questions and help everyone live happily and happily. But there are definitely things that cannot be done at the stage of acquaintance – of course, if you want to keep your nervous system intact.

The content of the article

  • one Mistakes on the first date

For guys, everything is, on the whole, simpler – you don’t need to show off too much and pretend to be something that you are not. Girls have a slightly different brain structure – they tend to complicate things. Therefore, we have collected for you several useful and trouble-free rules that will help you avoid tragedy and make the dating stage more productive.

Mistakes on the first datei

First of all, don’t take dating too seriously. Perhaps, somewhere deep in your soul, you have already figured out for yourself what you will call your future children and in what city you will live. However, in reality, everything is much more prosaic – most likely, you just drink coffee and realize that you do not suit each other at all.

Secondly, do not jump to conclusions. How exactly a guy rolls up to a girl is far from an indicator. Maybe at first he is shy, and then he will open up. When in doubt, give it a chance to swing a little. Well, not everyone should be pick-ups from God!

One more point – understand that the ideal does not exist. As much as you would like to find a prince on a white horse that meets all your expectations, this is unlikely to work. Each has merits and demerits. A bar raised too high automatically increases the chances of being left in splendid isolation.

Most importantly, don’t be afraid to say if you don’t like something. Do not put up with an unpleasant person out of politeness or simply because you are afraid of offending him. Something is going wrong? Speak, and if that doesn’t work, turn around and leave.

You shouldn’t get hung up on dating. Especially if you are looking for a partner on online dating sites. Finding a soul mate is a very intuitive question. If you put it in “marathon” mode, nothing good will come of it. Therefore, it is worth at least reconsidering the priorities. Engage in self-development, study, enjoy life, and then getting to know a good person will not be a tortured action, but a pleasant bonus.

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