About male manipulators

You have finally found your prince. Gentle, intelligent, generous, attentive. But something is bothering you.

Does he always get his way, contrary to your interests? Controlling your every move? Perhaps even using you to achieve their own goals? And at the same time you are insanely afraid of losing it?

It’s time to sound the alarm – in such a relationship you risk losing much more: loved ones, an interesting job, and your loved one! Most likely, you have fallen into the hands of a manipulator!

How to recognize a manipulator

It is a pity that men of this type do not wear the “I am a manipulator!” Badge on their chests. And you’re unlikely to understand on the first date that you are not an object of love, but a means to an end. That is why I want to talk about the main types of male manipulation.

  • Sweet flattery

Flattery in the manipulator’s arsenal is the strongest weapon. Pay attention to what your virtues he praises – rightly, love for him and willingness to sacrifice himself. Remembering how we defended ourselves against sweet-voiced sirens, just “plug your ears”!

  • “Poor Bunny”

Thank God he met you! You are the only normal woman in the string of nightmarish shrews and bitches he was with before. It was just used, and no one ever regretted it … Stop! Have you already taken out a handkerchief to wipe away your loved one’s tears?

Are you sure that feeling sorry for an adult, healthy man is normal? Yes, and he doesn’t need your pity either, it’s just a great way to take, take and take various benefits, without giving anything in return, because what can you take from such a poor fellow!

  • “And why do you love me?”

“Oh, I am not worthy of you! You are the queen, I am nobody! Well, tell me, how can you love such a person? ” And the woman convinces her beloved for a long time how wonderful, intelligent, caring he really is. The point of manipulation is to relieve herself of responsibility for the relationship, because the woman herself chose such a man and more than once confirmed her consent to be with him, although he warned her …

  • The first guy in the village

Over there, outside the door, there is a huge line of worthy girls who dream of being with him. But he chose you!

And you go out of your way to match his high status. And at the same time, they must be condescending to his weaknesses, understand emotional impulses, support and encourage – but how? After all, otherwise your place will quickly be taken by another – less proud and demanding.

  • Total control

At the beginning of a relationship, he shows touching attention to all aspects of your life. He knows which dress will suit you best, which hairstyle will accentuate your face contour, which flowers will like your mother … While it looks like tender care and keen interest in you.

But over time, he will take literally everything into his own hands. You met with a classmate and did not tell him – a scandal. You bought a new blouse without his approval – how so? If you want to go to courses, he is against it.

  • “Become what I want”

This type of manipulator will try to reshape you for itself, because it is so convenient! He will assure that your relationship would be perfect if not for … you. Yes, yes, you have many terrible habits, your lifestyle is far from perfect, work could be more promising, your hobby is stupid, and so on … And you humbly change in the hope that he will love and appreciate you more …

  • Disappearances

He runs away all the time. Often without even warning you. And he, of course, always has a good reason: to think about his feelings for you, to reflect on your relationship, to understand yourself … And you wait, get nervous and more and more confident that you are terribly bad without him.

  • Best defense is attack

In response to your requests and complaints, he rebukes you. After all, everything is in order with him, you are too demanding: you constantly ask for flowers and gifts, you want to dine in a restaurant … And your mental abilities and moral principles are also not perfect.

And now you already feel guilty. You are constantly in tension and terribly afraid to do something wrong again and not please your loved one. And he will continue to preach, because it’s easier than spending money on a bouquet or dinner at a restaurant …

  • Roller coaster relationships

Today he is gentle and helpful, and tomorrow he is impossible to rude. That dies of love, and suddenly – for no reason disappears for a week. It is impossible to predict anything with him. Just a man of mystery. You try to find a reasonable explanation for all his oddities and … you start to blame yourself.

So the manipulator cultivates in you the dependence on his person, similar to the drug one. And now your whole life is subordinated to his opinion and mood.

What if your man is a manipulator?

To begin with, let’s admit a simple thing – you can’t remake an adult. This is an axiom! Therefore, if a relationship with a manipulator is dear to you, you will have to come to terms and love your man for who he is, doing your own development.

There are, of course, many psychological tricks codenamed “manipulate the manipulator”, but seriously think – do you need it? If not, get out of this relationship and move on.

Lyudmila Ivanovskaya,

psychologist, trainer, specialist in the field of family constellations and
child-parent relationship

Male jealousy

Have you ever heard the saying “jealousy is the salt of love”? And no one disputes that a drop of jealousy gives a taste to feelings. Only jealousy in feelings, like salt in a dish, should be a pinch! Otherwise, both good food and high feelings simply fly into the trash!

Both men and women are jealous equally often. However, the nature of jealousy, oddly enough, has gender differences.

Woman most often regards real or perceived betrayal as betrayal by the closest person, and the physical side of the issue is of secondary importance (“What difference does it make – slept or not slept, if you think about her, you want to be with her!” etc.). A man, first of all, suffers from physical betrayal. That is, male jealousy in most cases is based on sex, while female jealousy is based on emotions.

We will return to the issue of female jealousy in the next article, and today our goal is to deal with the jealousy of the strong half.

Let’s start, as they say, ab ovo – “from the egg,” that is, from childhood. Any baby, regardless of gender, is jealous of the mother.

A grown-up jealous person will unleash his resentment, anger and disappointment on the woman, and the opponent will get only crumbs of emotions.

Let’s remember the classics:

  • Othello strangles Desdemona with his own hands, and entrusts his rival, Cassio, to his friend Iago (in the end, Desdemona is dead, Cassio is alive).

  • Karandyshev in “Bridannytsya” with a shout “So don’t get it to anyone!” kills Larisa, but he has no idea to deal with Paratov or whoever he suspects there.

  • Rogozhin in the immortal “Idiot” stabs Nastasya Filippovna (well, here, of course, jealousy for the whole world, not only for Prince Myshkin, but no one except his beloved is killed in the end!), And a short time later he sheds tears for your great love.

As the saying goes – that’s all you need to know about male jealousy (just kidding!).

In male jealousy, the sexual principle always dominates. It is physical betrayal that hurts a man the most! If a woman has moved away, emotionally attached to another, yes, in the end, she directly speaks of love for another, but without physical betrayal, this almost justifies her in the eyes of her beloved.

The man is terribly afraid of becoming a cuckold. This is the fear of being humiliated by another man, being an insolvent lover, being funny in the eyes of others …

Moreover, in most cases, a man blames not himself for real or perceived betrayal, but the woman or others. And the biggest jealous people are self-centered egoists.

Some types of male jealousy

Jealous owner

“My woman is my property!” Since patriarchal times, a man has become accustomed to absolute power over a woman. Total control and restriction of freedom make it possible to reduce the number of potential rivals to almost zero. Needless to say, the life of a woman with such a partner is just hell! Any little thing – bright makeup, a five-minute delay, coffee gatherings with a friend (and if, God forbid, it won’t be coffee, but wine) – can provoke a multi-day conflict.

Abandoned man

Such a person is afraid to step on a familiar rake. He has already been abandoned for the sake of another, and he is maniacally looking for signs of impending (or happened) betrayal. In this situation, you can understand a jealous person, but it will take a long time and painstakingly to deal with his fears, and both …

Jealous Manipulator

For many men, jealousy is also a method of manipulation. The man is the head, the owner, the breadwinner. But if you can’t match these statuses, you can improve your self-esteem at the expense of the woman. After all, constant suspicions sooner or later develop in the “victim” a sense of guilt. And a partner who feels guilty in front of you is so easy to manipulate!

Pathological, off-scale jealousy has not brought peace and harmony to anyone else. But there are many couples destroyed by jealousy.

Advice! Limit your alcohol intake.

It is under “wine pairs” that a man is inclined to bring his own speculations to the point of absurdity. And it even happens to instill decency in his half with the help of fists.

Sometimes a man himself is not happy to live in the role of Othello, every minute expecting to earn the title of “cuckold”. But how to deal with yourself? Of course, the best and most effective way is to see a psychologist. But … To admit to oneself in one’s own problems is the lot of a very strong personality. Not everyone is ready to take such a decisive step. OK. Try to start small. Read the literature on this topic, analyze your behavior and consider your own perspectives, can you cope with your jealousy on your own?

3 Reasons to Cure Jealousy:

1. Medical statistics

Research data clearly show that jealous people are more likely to have heart and vascular problems. But if you are not sorry for 10-15 years of your life – then, of course, keep playing Othello.

2. Frightening prospects

Think about what the future holds for you. Are you sure that your half will withstand constant suspicion and nagging? Hardly. As a result, on the verge of old age, you will find yourself alone.

And, by the way, children in pairs, where the husband terrorizes his wife, is almost always on the mother’s side, and communication with the father is minimized. How do you like this prospect?

3. A beautiful woman is not part of your image

If you regard your soul mate as a good investment, a beautiful rim of a successful man, like an expensive watch or a yacht, be prepared that your environment will look at it the same way (while it is logical to assume that such value would be nice to have).

If your woman is dear to you not only as a beautiful wrapper, show respect for her.

Male jealousy is an obsession with infidelity, a painful expectation that a loved one will find better, more beautiful, sexier. This is a constant fear of what others will say and think, the fear of being funny.

It is clear that one cannot build any bright future with such baggage. Simply because in a relationship there is no place for the main things – trust and respect.

It’s better to learn to trust and respect your loved one than to purposefully kill love, isn’t it?

Lyudmila Ivanovskaya,
psychologist, trainer, specialist in the field of relations
and family constellations