Relations between men and women in the Middle Ages

We say “Middle Ages” and mentally add “gloomy”. Indeed, the Inquisition, witch hunts and various epidemics were not the most joyful reality.

How did the history of relations between a man and a woman unfold against this background?

The marriage was concluded very early: the girls were married from the age of twelve, the young man was supposed to be fourteen. Of course, there was no question of feelings. Parents were engaged in the selection of a partner, and they were pursuing property or political interests.

Pre-Christian era

At that time, forms of cohabitation were popular in Europe, which had nothing to do with church marriage. Men and women simply “entered into” a more or less long-term sexual union, and the “family”, in addition to the couple and their common children, also included temporary concubines of the husband. At the same time, women had almost no rights and were considered property.

Early middle ages

In the 7th – 12th centuries, the family model began to change. The ideal, of course, was the Church, which extended its influence on the relationship between a man and a woman.

Christ is the head of the Church; the husband is the head of the family. Sex is a priori sinful, but in marriage this sin became “forgivable”, because it served for the birth of children. Of course, sexual intercourse for pleasure was considered a disgusting fornication.

The woman, in general, remained in the same position: an almost powerless creature, sinful in nature. The only way to get rid of this sin is to diligently bear children, obey your husband, be submissive and silent. As one nobleman wrote boastfully, “if the husband teaches [читай: поколачивает] wife, then she must accept it humbly, like a dog, at which the owner throws stones, and she wags her tail and runs after him. ”

By the way, reading books and, in general, self-education for women was considered disagreeable. Only nuns or relatively independent noble ladies could get a more or less tolerable education.

Late middle ages

In the XII-XIV centuries, the institution of marriage was developed and regulated by the Church to the slightest nuance. It became one of the Sacraments and was declared sacred.

This is a time of paradoxes. Despite the fact that adultery was considered a grave sin and was punishable by church courts (including the death penalty), only women were punished.

And the husbands? But among husbands, every third had mistresses and bastards (illegitimate children. – Note. ed.). In cities and large villages, brothels existed completely legally. Moreover, their owners could well have been important nobles and clergy.

Visiting prostitutes was not condemned by anyone. On the contrary, if a young man did not visit the brothel, they would gossip about him and suspect of impotence.

The Cult of the Beautiful Lady

Oh, this ideal was worshiped by every self-respecting knight! But the lady was usually chosen from among the married, so that she was both beautiful and inaccessible. The canzons and the Albs were really dedicated to her, they fought in tournaments in her honor and went on a crusade, etc. That did not prevent the noble knight from raising his hand against his lawful wife or exiling her to a monastery.


In general, one can only sympathize with the women who lived in those days, and rejoice at the present freedom, and if not absolute, but still the equality of the sexes.

Middle age crisis

Content:

#one. What is a midlife crisis in men?

# 2. Crises and their symptoms in men

# 3. How do women feel in crisis?

#four. Symptoms of a crisis in women

#five. How does a midlife crisis manifest?

# 6. Overcoming crises

# 7. How to cope with a midlife crisis?

Such a concept as a midlife crisis is collective. This is an emotional state that is associated with a revision of one’s life and experience at the age of 30 and up to 50-60. The fact is that a person dreams of many things in childhood and adolescence. He has many opportunities for implementation. And when he reaches a certain point, he realizes that in fact, opportunities are diminishing every year. In middle age, many opportunities are either missed or realized. And that’s when people want to urgently change their lives. But some during this period fall into depression and apathy.

Such crises can affect different areas of life. There are problems in personal relationships, with work, in material terms. He also touches upon the area of ​​feelings about the physical state. A person feels a decrease in vitality, the appearance is no longer the same, health problems appear, thoughts often come about finding the meaning of life, approaching old age. In other words, such an emotional state as a midlife crisis tends to manifest itself in every area of ​​life and immediately: in the family, intimate relationships, at work, etc.

What is a midlife crisis in men?

Midlife Crisis - Photo 1As for men, after the age of 30 they have more and more worries about:

  • their status, level and way of life and material security;
  • their implementation, professionalism;
  • marital status, having children;
  • their missed opportunities;
  • the presence of further prospects and opportunities to improve the quality of life and development in the future.

If a man has little time to do and realize from what he planned, he begins a midlife crisis. Some strive for changes in order to make up for the maximum of lost time, while others do not see a way out and sense in changes, they are faced with depression.

Taking an internal inventory of a man in his 40s can be a painful process that leads to unexpected behavior. These are job changes, and leaving families for younger companions, and apathy with depression for no apparent reason.

A chain of failures in life, broken hopes and irretrievably lost opportunities knock him out of the rut and lead him to a crisis. In the age of crisis, a global reassessment of values ​​occurs, self-pity arises, you want to talk to someone simply on abstract topics, blame your loved one for your problems and failures. This condition can manifest itself by the age of 35 – psychologists came to this conclusion. Previously it was 40-45 years old. And the victims, in fact, are both successful and single men without stable earnings.

By the age of 40, a man’s physical capabilities are reduced, which affect motor skills with sensory functions and the place with them the functioning of the whole body. Further, over time, hearing and vision problems appear, creating inconveniences in terms of communicating with other people. There may be decreases in pain, taste, and olfactory sensitivity, but they are less noticeable to others. In addition, men during this period lose flexibility, the elasticity of muscles and skin also becomes worse. Many people develop fatty deposits in the abdominal area. Changes in the physical and psychological planes are going in parallel. A man often feels nervousness, self-doubt, he walks depressed and tired. All this provokes all new conflict situations on the personal front and at work.

Also during this period, chronic diseases are exacerbated. A man has to pay more attention to his health.

The midlife crisis is different for everyone. Most are aware of the need for lifestyle changes, including giving up bad habits. Some men find it difficult to overcome these psychological barriers. The thirst for career growth and self-affirmation in times of crisis can be destructive.

Male crises are a kind of riots against generally accepted norms and rules. Finding yourself is what men’s thoughts are doing in this difficult time, when all the complexes of adolescence emerge. They replace all “must” with “want”. The depth and nature of the adolescent complex strongly influences the passage of the middle-age crisis period.

Midlife crises have no clear boundaries. It can be months, years. Depends on the support of the close environment, temperament, character, social status, etc.

Crises and their symptoms in men

Among the symptoms of a midlife crisis in men, there are:Midlife Crisis - Photo 2

  • rejection of life achievements, despite the positive opinions of the environment;
  • emptiness, feeling of pity and hopelessness;
  • a feeling of unfair and undeserved attitude of life towards them;
  • withdrawal into protracted states of depression, apathy to what is happening around;
  • a change in the environment that is significant for them, a reassessment of values;
  • eccentricity and nervousness;
  • feelings of meaninglessness of their being.

Men during this period look appraisingly at the achievements of their lives through the prism of opportunities that have been missed. They often choose the wrong path that leads to a dead end. In their conversations about the meaning of life, notes of doom and philosophizing are felt. Overestimating values, financial well-being and professional plans with achievements, they often come to the conclusion about instability and defenselessness. At this time, fear of approaching old age, incurable diseases and even death begins to haunt. All this pushes the man for medical examinations, a change in lifestyle. Some cannot cope with depressive conditions without the help of their close circle, specialists. We have to fight this condition, which includes unreasonable anxieties, insomnia, frequent mood swings, etc.

The search for oneself is pushing the stronger sex to “try on” different social roles, to try in several diverse areas of activity. Lacking specific goals for the future of their lives, people yearn for change, because the current state of affairs categorically does not suit them.

How do women feel in crisis?

Midlife Crisis - Photo 3Complete dissatisfaction with the realities of life can overtake women by about 35 years old. In a crisis, they begin to rush about, trying to find themselves, newness in sensations and feelings. This is annoying, leads to tantrums, tears, the acquisition of new bad habits or the abandonment of existing addictions.

During a midlife crisis, women have thoughts about approaching old age, outgoing beauty, age in the passport, health status and medical examinations, etc.

The woman wants nothing. Everything makes her nervous and annoying. Thoughts about a future life are desperate, because she believes that all the best is already behind, including male interest and attention. Reflections on lack of fulfillment and their vulnerability due to age limits, as well as the fact that youth is irrevocably gone and many opportunities are missed. In fact, age restrictions play a role, but the average years of life of the fair sex have their advantages. The energy of youth has many chances to win, but in the middle age period it has significant life experience, and old age is not yet so close. A woman wants and is able to do a lot more. This should be perceived as a wonderful new round of your life, in which every second is valuable.

Symptoms of a crisis in women

The following symptoms of midlife crises in women are distinguished:Midlife Crisis - Photo 4

  • lack of self-confidence, anxiety for the future;
  • ignorance about further actions, lack of plans and ideas;
  • a sense of missed opportunities and time;
  • fading feelings for the second half;
  • misunderstanding of children;
  • disappointment, internal emptiness as a result of fleeting romantic relationships, flirting;
  • unwillingness to meet friends, participate in noisy parties;
  • thoughts of unfulfilled dreams;
  • dissatisfaction with the part of your life lived;
  • dissatisfaction with the results of professional activity;
  • worries about external changes.

How does a midlife crisis manifest?

As we said, people go through the middle years in different ways. Each has its own set of features. For many, this time of crisis is accompanied by depression, self-pity, a feeling of inner emptiness and falling into a trap, a sense of life injustice, frequent unexpected changes in mood, temporary aggressiveness.

The symptoms of midlife crises can be different, but in any case, this condition is characterized by a significant decrease in the quality of human life. And even quite successful people during this period can be unsettled. They break up their strong families, put an end to their careers, and significantly change their way of life.

Overcoming crises

Midlife Crisis - Photo 5Both men and women are interested in how to overcome the midlife crisis. In fact, midlife crises are not the end of the world. This is the time to reevaluate life guidelines and values. It is important for a wife or husband, as well as other members of the close environment, to realize this and provide all kinds of support. The time of transition to a new stage in the life of one of the spouses is a kind of test for the strength of family ties. It will take patience, because it makes no sense to rush to the end of the process.

It is necessary to show participation, to encourage a person at any opportunity. Wives need to remind their husbands of their past achievements and merits. Constantly make them feel needed and important for the family. Perhaps you need to think about a new schedule, mode, variety of life. If a person feels love, support and understanding from his loved ones, he will be able to more easily bear all the severities of crises.

Will help:

  • joint vacation trips;
  • time spent outdoors;
  • gifts of interest;
  • new types of entertainment;
  • vitamin complexes.

After the end of crises, men stop feeling sorry for themselves, reconsider their own social roles at work, personal front, in the circle of friends, deeply overestimate values ​​and priorities, achieve stability, become emotionally mature and realize everything they want from life.

For women in midlife crisis, psychologists recommend:

  • do not fall into longing for the departed youth;
  • try to find another way out, not stand in one place;
  • grow spiritually, professionally;
  • expand the circle of communication;
  • do, for example, yoga, swimming, fitness, etc.

As a new hobby, various activities can be suitable that will help in the search for new landmarks, bring novelty and brightly color life. The crisis must be fought by any means possible, leaving them no chance to win over themselves.

Such a period of life actually forced many to become successful, to decide to leave an unloved field of activity, to start their own business. Many wives, who were ordinary housewives, have embarked on the path of self-realization and self-development. Careerists who have lost interest in life, during midlife crises, think about creating families.

Everyone needs to try to find the inner sources of creation.

How to cope with a midlife crisis?

It is possible to avoid or alleviate your fate while in an age crisis with the help of socialization. Predicting and planning the upcoming critical period of your life can also help. The most obvious frightening changes associated with the onset of a crisis time for the stronger sex are changes at the psychophysiological level of changes. It’s hard enough to dodge them. We are talking about an increase in the abdomen, new wrinkles, gray hair, receding hairline, which naturally cause an annoying feeling.

You have to be realistic. You need to be aware of the problems, but without exaggerating the scale.

Women need to learn to accept themselves as they are, to love themselves, regardless of age-related changes, to start doing what they love, not to get discouraged, to take care of themselves, their appearance, and health. The numbers in the passport should not affect the quality of a person’s life.

If you yourself cannot cope with this condition, you can contact the specialists of the Center for Personality Development “Arcanum”.

Middle age crisis
Middle age crisis
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2020-01-01