When a woman is older. Pros and cons

“Love for all ages!” Is an old truth that is not in doubt. Nevertheless, couples with a large age difference are still scrutinized by society under a magnifying glass.

And if a man is ten years older than his beloved, this is already familiar to the eye, then the union of a young man and an adult lady is an endless topic for discussion.

Despite this, young men are increasingly trying to build relationships with mature women, and successful ladies choose young boyfriends as companions. What drives both sides? Let’s take a look and define the pros and cons of such a relationship for everyone.

5 pluses for a woman

  • Self-esteem. When a young man looks at a woman with adoring eyes, she feels like a real beauty.
  • Eternal youth. As the French say: “A woman is as old as her lover.” Therefore, an adult lady always has an incentive to keep herself in shape. And the vivid emotions that a young lover gives make a woman psychologically younger.
  • Live today and now! An adult and wise woman knows perfectly well what she wants from this relationship. In addition, she understands that love and passion are not eternal. Therefore, such relationships are often emotionally saturated, but without unnecessary drama.
  • No baggage of the past. The young partner does not have a heavy burden of former relationships behind him, less cynicism and bachelor habits acquired over the years. The experience of past relationships, which often complicates the life of a couple, is borne only by a woman. And this is half the risk!
  • Sex. The young partner has a temperament that often became just a memory for her peers. Therefore, couples with a large age difference often have complete compatibility in sex.

5 pluses for a man

  • Personal growth. As a rule, a confident, accomplished woman chooses a young life partner. Next to such a lady, a young man feels special, grows up in his own eyes and, accordingly, tries to be worthy of his girlfriend in everything.
  • Rare conflicts. An intelligent woman (namely, such – smart and beautiful – as a rule, young people choose as companions) appreciates a comfortable existence. Thanks to a wise friend, conflicts and quarrels cost “little blood”, if at all. And it is this quality that men value in such a relationship above all else.
  • Independence and personal space. The young boyfriend has much more freedom in such a relationship. And he understands that such freedom is not a sign of indifference, but mutual respect for each other’s personal boundaries.
  • Variety in sex. Girls are inexperienced, and most expect cinematic romance from a partner. An adult woman thinks about how much pleasure she can give herself and her partner, and truly appreciates the joy of sex. It is not surprising that, first of all, young people dream of an older friend precisely in anticipation of luxurious sex. And, as a rule, they are not disappointed in this aspect of the relationship.
  • Friend and mentor. An adult lover has much more experience in all areas, she can give valuable life advice, support in difficult times, talk without hesitation on any topic, direct the aspirations of a young friend in the right direction.


A wonderful picture is taking shape, isn’t it? Well, now let’s see what pitfalls await a couple in this world of wisdom, harmony, eternal youth and sex.

  • Who is the head in this house? If a man, despite his young age, has leadership qualities, he will strive for leadership in relationships. And here for a wise woman (despite her greater life experience), the only option is to yield. If she is not ready for this, the relationship will quickly fizzle out.
  • Plans for the future. Huge difficulties await a couple if they have a different outlook on a joint future. For example, a woman dreams of living with a young friend in a quiet family harbor, surrounded by happy children, but the young friend is not yet ready for this. He, of course, does not mind, but in ten years, and for his girlfriend, time is ticking rapidly …

Or, on the contrary, a young man wants to become a father, and his beloved has children of the same age as her boyfriend, and she is not ready to go through the joys of motherhood again …
The only option is to honestly discuss all the nuances in order to know exactly what the partner expects from the relationship.

  • Jealousy. This monster awaits lovers on both sides. Over the years, a woman may lose her former confidence and begin daily counting wrinkles, and a young man, due to his young temperament, will suspect his beloved of endless adultery – he thinks that such a queen will easily find a replacement for him, especially in bed …
  • Disappointment. If a man does not grow, does not develop, he may simply bore his older girlfriend.

And a man may eventually become disappointed (after all, young people are such maximalists!) If he initially idealized his beautiful lady and their great love too much.

  • Money. Differences in financial position can become a global problem. As a rule, if a woman is ten to twenty years older, she earns much more. There are many scenarios here:

– the guy suffers from the fact that he cannot provide his beloved with the standard of living to which she is accustomed;

– the boyfriend happily accepts any help, and in the end the woman sees in front of her not the beloved, but the banal gigolo;

– the couple is trying to find a compromise, but good intentions are broken on reality (what to do if she is used to flying business class, and he prefers to hitchhike?).

Happiness, as you know, is not about money, but often it is they who can destroy it …

Do unequal couples have a future?

As you can see, there are approximately equal pluses and minuses in a union where the woman is older. You can give examples of both long and harmonious relationships, and short passionate novels. But the main feature of such an alliance (we are now deliberately not talking about great love) is that this relationship is convenient. Comfortable for both a young man and a woman. This means that such an alliance has long-term prospects.

Lyudmila Ivanovskaya,
psychologist, trainer, specialist in the field of relations

and family constellations

Why do young guys like older women?

Today, many believe that a woman loses physical beauty and attractiveness to the opposite sex with age. Ladies who have crossed the thirty or forty-year line often consider themselves “grandmothers” who are not capable of starting a relationship. But what if by this age your personal life has not worked out, cracked or completely collapsed like a house of cards?

Here the opposite tendency comes to the rescue: it turns out that many young guys prefer older women to their peers. On the street you can often find such couples, and female stars often have romances and even marry guys much younger than themselves. Why is this happening? How do singers, actresses and ordinary women get the attention of young handsome men? And what exactly attracts yesterday’s boys themselves in such ladies?


  1. Middle-aged and older women are well aware of all their advantages and disadvantages, and know how to use both. Such ladies will not pester the chosen one with questions like: “Darling, have I really grown fat? This is horror! The scales showed plus three kilos! ” They know very well that most men do not notice such a tiny weight gain.
  2. It is more interesting to communicate with mature ladies. They are educated, they know how to keep up a conversation on almost any topic, they can discreetly control the course of the conversation themselves, they know what and when to speak, and what is better to keep silent.
  3. Grown women are not as dependent as young girls on the opinions of others; or independent of it at all. They do not so clearly suffer from what their friends say, the mother, the host of their favorite program. They are mature, self-sufficient individuals, they have their own experience and opinions about many realities of the world. And this sometimes saves male nerve cells very well.
  4. Older women know exactly what they want. They build life according to their own rules, play with those with whom they want and what they want. They are interested in long whirlwind romances.
  5. The grown-up ladies have a rich life experience, they have already felt on their skin the meaning of the proverb “What we have, we do not store, when we lose it, we cry.” This is why they value time. The time the boyfriend gives them. Time for love, romance, passion. They will not spoil this time with inappropriate statements, tantrums and scandals.
  6. Many already like adult bearded men, in the literal or figurative sense of the word, simply do not have enough mother’s affection. Maybe a parent rarely kissed in childhood, maybe their Oedipus complex plays with all colors, but in partners older than themselves, such guys are looking for a replacement for their mother.
  7. A man may be disappointed with his peers. Girls of his age may seem superficial, careless, simply uninteresting to a too smart and serious guy.
  8. A woman can also be disappointed in her peers, not to find among them as beautiful, cheerful and passionate as she wants. Or it may happen that all the peers are already … busy.
  9. Blurring of gender roles. The previous generation considered a good couple in which a man is older than a woman, most likely because by the age of thirty, when a man achieved a certain status and financial stability, a woman lost the lion’s share of beauty. Today, not all men are interested in being the notorious “earners” and not all ladies reduce their lives to a stove and diapers. Therefore, everything is possible …


Older women are accustomed to solving their problems themselves, without pestering their spouse or boyfriend with petty tantrums and scandals. And independence in the 21st century attracts most men, especially young ones. In addition, a girl with a richer life experience can help her companion in some way, suggest a way out of a difficult situation – and he will listen to her words.

These women are usually already established in terms of careers, so they are very busy. The older lady will not call her boyfriend every hour during working hours, she will not bombard him with kilograms of aimless mimic SMS, demanding tireless attention to herself, she will not be jealous of trifles or no reason at all.

Sex and children

Mature women much freer and more educated in the intimate sphere… Neither know perfectly well how to please a partner and get it herself. They are not shy about the flaws and characteristics of their bodies. And they are much more likely than young people to agree to experiments. Or they may even offer to do something from the category of “oh-ho-ho!” In bed. Fun fact: the peak of female sexuality occurs at thirty years, and male – at eighteen. What is not the reason?

Many women at the age already have quite adult children, which means that the maternal instinct of such women has been realized, and the lion’s share of their attention will go to the chosen one. That is why quite beautiful and successful young mothers are so often left without male attention, and their marriage can crack or even collapse – dads cannot compete with the baby, to whom most of their mother’s time is devoted.


Adult ladies are financially at least independent. Men, however, use this fact, as they say, “each in the era of his licentiousness.” Some simply enjoy the fact that the chosen one does not definitely need their money; others are more free in the choice of gifts (according to the principle “it is not the price that matters, but the attention”); still others are happy to receive expensive gifts from their loved ones: well, the fourth simply live on the maintenance of their rich “mothers”.


In fact, all ages are submissive to love. Perhaps a man and a woman just met – and fell in love, forgetting that she was, say, forty, and he, for example, twenty-five. And they are happy. Just. Without any reasons.

Each love story is unique. And it is not public opinion that writes it, not grandmothers on the benches at the entrance, not grumpy gossips of both sexes in social networks. Two loving hearts write her. No matter how old they are. And only in their power to make this story happy and long.

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