Safe sex on the Internet.  Where to find the right partner?

Safe sex on the Internet. Where to find the right partner?

Safe sex on the Internet. Where to find the right partner?

Nowadays, the Internet has become an integral part of the life of almost every person. It is so tightly interconnected with our daily life that it is very difficult to imagine its absence. The Internet is what makes our life more convenient and easier, more mobile. And the fact that we transferred many aspects of our reality to virtual space in order to save time, and simply because it is easy and convenient, turned out to be quite predictable. One of those moments is online acquaintance.



Andrey_Popov, Shutterstock.com

Making acquaintance on the Internet is easier than, directly, in a real society. The Internet is a zone of almost absolute freedom and expression of one’s desires, which have to be held back in real life due to various conditions, be it observance of etiquette or even violation of current legislation. In the Internet space, it is easier for a person to get rid of complexes and become liberated.

There are many social networks for dating on the Internet, both of general importance (classmates, VKontakte, my world) and specialized ones, which aim to find their soul mate (mamba, loveplanet) as the main goal. One of the main reasons for dating the opposite sex is to satisfy sexual needs. Prolonged lack of sex often leads to the destruction of personal life. Negative attitude towards others, irritability – these are just a few of the symptoms that a lonely, dissatisfied person suffers from.

Naturally, when meeting on the Internet, you are not immune from a flurry of offers to immediately engage in sex, but, in turn, the Internet protects you from direct physical harassment. This is definitely a positive point.

So, where to start looking for a potential partner in the interactive space. First of all, you need to decide and realize why you need a partner: for a serious relationship or directly for sex for a while.

Sex without obligation: the simpler the goal, the easier and faster it is to achieve. For those who are least fortunate in real relationships or who cannot start them due to lack of time, just throw a cry: “I want sex!”, Attach a spicy “photo”, and ... you can count the seconds until potential partners appear. Of course, the quality and contingent will vary, there is nothing to be done. We select applicants and choose the lucky one. Well, what did you expect? Everyone wants! Perhaps this relationship will develop into something more serious.
For me personally, this kind of relationship is unacceptable and not enjoyable.

Serious relationship: for a serious relationship that includes sex, you must first find the subject of your feelings and desires. Establish communication aimed at deeper acquaintance, so that your partner begins to trust you and let you into your personal space, taking his time and revealing his feelings to you.

It must be remembered that the sooner you transfer your virtual feelings into the real world, the sooner you will know if there is a chance to embody this relationship physically. For seriousness obliges.

To successfully achieve the goal with a successful acquaintance, your joint relationship must go through these main stages:
one) Virtual communication. Through correspondence on social networks.
2)Voice contact by phone or skype.
3) Physical communication and contact.

You must not forget about the dangers that lie in wait for you when meeting on the Internet. On any resource, you may encounter the following participants:

Pickupers. Individuals who are looking for dating solely for the purpose of seduction and replenishment of their collection of victories in the sexual field.

Network trolls. They are amused by playing on your feelings. They will try to bring you into emotional conflict, getting special psychological pleasure from this.

Scammers. This contingent of users makes acquaintances, aimed at getting money and other material benefits from you, under the means of deception. Remember! Your money is just your money. People who accuse you of stinginess cannot be justified by any good feelings and intentions.

Maniacs. The danger that a person you like on the Web may turn out to be a maniac should not be a reason for abandoning this type of relationship. Taking precautions and thoughtful actions will keep you out of trouble and help you avoid dangerous situations.

Regulars of chats / forums. For them, online dating and communication has become a habit with the help of which they get away from everyday bored reality and everyday life. Their goal is most often to conquer the next girl / guy, rather than the desire to have sex.

Returning to reality, I note that the Internet is certainly funny, but every year we feel less and less reality, and, harming our physical body, we are drawn into the stream of ones and zeros. As one of the classics, who wished to remain anonymous, put it: “Have sex gentlemen, and do not have brains for yourself and others!»© Have sex, love each other, do not be shy about your feelings, let sex take not the last place in your life. And to keep your sex safe, remember to use condoms. Luck with searching!

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Article published in Issue 02/12/2015

Updated 07.22.

How to learn to trust your partner

We open our souls to the person whom we consider the closest, but sometimes this openness turns against us, and the beloved hurts to the very heart.

It’s not easy to forget the betrayal of our exes. Mental wounds take a long time to heal. Entering into a new relationship, we are no longer in a hurry to carry our heart in the palm of our hand. Now we are over-cautious and distrustful …

Why is the trust of partners so valuable?

In a pair where there is no trust between partners, a kind of cold war occurs: each army carefully guards its borders and secrets – after all, any information will be used against it. If help is needed, the warring parties will ask friends or relatives for it – just not from a partner.

Without trust, you can have an easy affair, but you cannot build a serious relationship.

Imagine that a person who has lost confidence in people has a hole in his soul, and this is fertile soil on which fears, complexes, doubts bloom over time. Gradually, the unfortunate person falls into depression. He is constantly waiting for a trick from a partner, and any of his steps seems suspicious to a jealous person.

But if, despite the pain and disappointment, you still plan to find your happiness, and not shoot back all your life from potential enemies and sit in a trench of salutary loneliness, you will have to learn to trust people again.

5 practices to restore trust in your partner

1. Analyze your fears carefully.

What prevents you from trusting this person? After all, you yourself let him into your life. Are there any real reasons for caution, or is the painful experience of the past telling in you? Work with your fears on your own or see a counselor. As a result, you will understand that the reason is not in your partner and not in universal injustice – the reason is in you. Uncertainty, dissatisfaction with yourself, unwillingness to take responsibility for your life – these are the possible roots of your fears that interfere with your relationship.

2. Drive away negative attitudes

Perhaps the elders have drummed into you life “wisdom” since childhood: “You cannot trust anyone!”, “All men are goats!” or “All women are bitches!” Try to get this heresy out of your head. Start small – look around, look at your family, friends, acquaintances. Is there really no one to trust? Are there really no happy couples in your environment that arouse admiration? If they find their happiness, then you can. So stop listening to whiners and pessimists, learn to think positively!

3. Build your self-esteem

Trust problems very often start with low self-esteem. Do you not believe in your own worth, in the fact that you really deserve the best? Perhaps, deep down, you are even convinced that deceiving and betraying you is in the order of things, because you are far from ideal? Forget about it! You are the most precious thing you have! And they are worthy of all earthly blessings, including true love!

4. Be honest with your partner

It is impossible to build strong relationships on lies and deceit. Learn to be honest about your fears, needs, and dreams. And ask for the same openness from your partner.

5. Do not criticize your loved one

A person will not be sincere and open with someone who is looking for punctures and shortcomings in everything – constantly clinging to words and accusing him of far-fetched misconduct. If, for no reason to suspect a partner of treason, he really wants to go to the left (how long can you tolerate your attacks for nothing?).

Do the exercise with your partner “Falling for Trust”
One of you will fall, the other will catch. Stand with your back to the catcher. He should be somewhere a meter behind you, you can bend or sit down a little. Now, without bending your legs or turning, fall back, trying not to insure yourself. The partner’s task is to catch you without letting you hit the floor.
Then switch places. Scary the first time, but worth it! You will make sure that you can rely on each other.


I propose not to look back at past experiences and, if necessary, work hard on yourself in order to stop living in anxiety and re-open to your loved one.

To tell the truth, we spend too much energy to prevent something terrible that actually does not depend on us, or may not happen at all. You cannot insure yourself in everything, accept it. Why not just enjoy life?

Learn to treat negative experiences philosophically as well. Don’t be afraid to try, failure is essential to our spiritual growth. Do not believe in far-fetched patterns and bad fate, by this you only lay negative attitudes.

And remember that you have countless attempts to build a relationship with this or another partner. You will definitely become happy if you strive for this.

Liudmila Ivanovskaya,

psychologist, trainer, specialist in the field of relations

and family constellations

Our Inner Child and Partner Relationship

Relationship models are laid in childhood.
We cannot always explain why we are drawn to someone, because he is far from a gift! The other (positive in every sense!) For some reason does not catch us. “No-no, it’s just a friend, no more,” we say.

And one day we notice that our relationship painfully resembles parental relationships, although we did our best to live differently.

How to get out of the vicious circle?

The parental home in our subconscious

In each adult, a Kid is hiding behind many masks. Psychologists call him the Inner Child. This is how we once came into this world – completely helpless, trusting and infinitely loving.

We met with the main people for us – the parents. And they began to diligently learn from them. We did it without criticism or doubt, because in any of their actions (even sometimes mean and cruel) we saw love. In other words, as long as the child accepts the parents completely and absolutely.

A kid (unlike an adult) easily adapts to any conditions, taking for granted the proposed realities. That is why, growing up, it is much easier for us to take the models laid down in childhood than to start something new and unknown.

Exercise 1

Write down the negative associations you have when you hear the phrase “parental home.” For example:

  • cold,
  • anxiety,

  • scandals.

It is important to realize what the atmosphere of your childhood was, because, growing up, we unconsciously reproduce it in our own family.

The Inner Child and Partner Choice

Someone had a happy, “spoiled” childhood. The other, on the contrary, lived in an atmosphere of fear, he was criticized a lot, completely forgetting to say how much he was loved. In any case, the relationship of parents to us and to each other forms unique needs and a system of life values ​​in each person, which we then transfer into adulthood.

The Inner Child persistently sends us signals: which partner to choose and how to build a relationship with him. But sometimes his requests are completely illogical.

Exercise 2

Fill in the table as in the example, entering your options in the columns.

Mother

Dad

Positive traits

Negative qualities

Positive traits

Negative qualities

kindness,

artistry,

tenderness

naivety,

impracticality,

lightheadedness

a strong character,

thrift

rigidity,

pessimism,

intolerance

Now some unexpected information!

We are drawn to partners with the most pronounced negative traits of our parents. Alas, subconsciously they seem attractive to us.

We can dream of family harmony and mutual respect with a spouse, and the Inner Child – contrary to our desires – will look for the most accurate copy of a parent with whom he was not doing well. Thus, he tries to “fix” the relationship.

Unable to independently hear and fulfill the desires of our Inner Child, we enter into painful relationships or are in an eternal search for a partner – the “ideal parent”, hoping that someone will come and make us happy.

When should you work with your Inner Child?

  • You enter into a dependent relationship.
  • You are not confident in yourself and it is difficult for you to find a soul mate.

  • You are unsuccessfully looking for the “ideal parent” in your partner.

Examples among us.
The boy, whom his mother did not like affection, having become a man, has been trying for years to win the heart of his beloved, a kind of “snow queen”.
The girl is so sweet, but all the time she falls in love with the “March cats” who break the poor girl’s heart by cheating on her friends.
And someone is in constant search and is always not satisfied with the next partner. After all, he does not speak affectionate words, does not know how to support in difficult times, pays little attention.

We change ourselves – we change the relationship with a partner

Take responsibility for your Inner Child. Don’t pin everything on your partner. Understand that no one person can make up for everything that you lack.

Take care of yourself. Love the tactile sensation – go to the spa, get a massage, get a dog eventually. Lack of support – praise yourself more often, rather than criticize yourself. Build self-confidence.

To eradicate the negative relationship pattern from your subconscious, you need to take five steps:

  1. Enter into constructive dialogue with your Inner Child.
    (In modern psychology, meditation, transformational games, trainings and consultations are used for this.)
  2. Understand what parental patterns and attitudes are affecting your life and free yourself from them.
  3. Start building relationships the way you want.
  4. Look for harmony and satisfaction of your needs in yourself, not in a partner


Remember, change starts with yourself. When you change, the world around you changes.

5. Accept and love yourself and your partner for who you are.

Lyudmila Ivanovskaya,

psychologist, trainer, specialist in the field of relations

and family constellations