Self-affirmation in sex

Sex – that sweet carrot for which most of society lives. Before starting the article, I want to warn you. If you enjoy sex, if sex is one of your primary methods for experiencing happiness and life satisfaction, then don’t read this article! The purpose of this article is to expose sex, to bring lust and lust to clean water. Of course, everything that is said here is just one of the possible views and it is most suitable for those who think about their own self-development and prefer to call a spade a spade.

Sex (sexuality) includes two main aspects: energy and self-importance (PSV).

Sexuality as energy

Excitement and desire have sex – it is simply energy that accumulates in the area of ​​the sexual energy center. Sexual arousal is irritation that occurs due to excess energy. Considering only this energetic aspect, all you really want is not a woman or a man, in fact we want to eliminate the irritant and enjoy the energy burned during sexual orgasm. And here it is not so important that a person does it alone, or with a partner. The need to have a partner comes mainly from the second aspect – a sense of self-importance.

The desire to have sex with a woman or a man is our way to indulge our pride and assert ourselves. The sense of self-importance prompts us to experience the feeling of ownership, jealousy, affection and complacency, which in the aggregate in our society is so often called the word “love”. If you remove jealousy and a sense of ownership, in most cases there will be no trace of “love”.

Why a sense of self-importance?

Remember your favorite childhood toys? Remember how you asked your parents to buy a new doll, or a new car? And when the “toy” is so alive … so universal and beautiful that everyone wants to have the same, or at least similar? Then the sense of self-importance from the possession of such a toy grows by leaps and bounds! I would like to feel that you possess her, that she is truly yours (this “toy”). The peak of this “possession” is sex!

Everything related to the various secretions of the body is quite delicate, intimate and very ambivalent: either disgusting, or – quite the opposite. And when you understand that your adult toy is not disgusting, but on the contrary – your discharge is pleasant, it tremendously feeds your pride! Animals have no pride, so they mate as needed, and not out of idleness, or for the pleasure of the ego during sex. On this topic, has a number of articles under the tag “vanity”.

We can say that there is sex, and there is sexuality – and these are two different things. Sex is motivated by that very natural need. Sexuality is social. It’s a bit of pride in being in contact with an attractive partner. For the masturbator, the role of an attractive partner is replaced by porn films or their own fantasies. At the same time, a natural need can be so confused with a social one that a person already hardly realizes whether he really wants sex on a bodily level, or is it just from the mind – a desire to have a good time. Including from here – problems with potency.

“Safe” sex

For personal development, it is unproductive to abuse sexual energy and have sex or masturbation out of boredom, especially watching porn to get aroused and have a “nice time.” Do not get too carried away with the joy of your pride when in contact with a sexy partner. Self-confidence and adequate self-esteem are built only on self-confidence and on real actions that lead to real changes.

But if you really want to, then suppress yourself in sex is not worth it. Complete abstinence is a monastic path that does not suit the layman. But sometimes, at least for the sake of interest, you can trace your feelings, how they arise, and how they fade away. Through contemplation, you can try to “lift” the excitement through the coccyx area up along the spine. When the sex center opens up, sex no longer gives such pleasure and the need for it decreases. There are many literatures on this topic in esoteric shops about various Taoist and Tantric practices.

Sex abuse leads to a large expenditure of vital energy, causes weakness, drowsiness, laziness, lethargy, dullness and apathy.

As for the various tantric techniques. I have nothing against them, but in my subjective opinion among domestic esotericists, tantra is, for the most part, an excuse, a “spiritual” reason and just a fashionable name for everyday sex.

Once again I want to emphasize – all this is just one of the possible views on what is happening.

© Igor Satorin

The theme of self-affirmation in sex (and not only in it) is voiced in more detail in the novel “The Mechanical God”. You can download the book here.

More articles on this topic:

  • Sex, drugs and rock and roll
  • Self-love under the mask of love
  • A sense of self-importance
  • Stages of personality development

Sex is like a drug for the ego

People were made to be loved
and things to be used.
The world is in chaos because the opposite is true.

Dalai lama

Excessive sexuality is a hallmark of our time. All advertising is based on sex: from all sides we are attacked by maidens with languidly parted mouths and young men with a naked torso in drops of water. Popular magazines are full of articles on how to seduce a girl (guy), how to conquer a partner with your sex-appeal. One gets the feeling that sexual success is almost the main thing in a person’s life.

Let’s bring sexuality to the surface. It has two components.

1. Sexual energy – the most powerful of those that operate in the human body. The maximum concentration of forces occurs in the center of the origin of life. In esotericism, this is called the sexual energy center. What we experience as arousal, the urge to have sex, is actually irritation due to excess energy. The peak of pleasure in sex is the release of excess energy during orgasm. Yes, yes, the truth is that we want just relaxation, and not that blonde with violet eyes or the tough guy on the next simulator.

Mate attraction stems from the second aspect of sexuality.

2. Sense of self-importance (PSV) – a concept introduced into Western culture by Castaneda. It is assembled from a complex gamut of internal sensations and experiences, which in general can be defined as a constant affirmation of one’s significance, selfishness, self-indulgence, excessive attention to one’s precious person.

ChSV makes you look at your partner with the eyes of the owner, as an object of your “love”. And this love often consists only of jealousy, lust for possession and complacency. If you blow it, in fact there is nothing …

This is because of PSV, a person treats his partner as a living toy: attractive, adorable, unique. So unique that you proudly realize that no one else has such a thing! Do you have. And you have it in every sense of the word. And it is sex that gives the maximum feeling of possession of the desired partner. Oh, how the ego blooms! How the feeling of one’s own importance and coolness grows stronger and stronger!

In pursuit of self-affirmation, we build unequal and shallow relationships. True love is a living, constantly developing and harmonious relationship. In them, partners accept and value the freedom of the other, and sex serves (precisely serves) for the exchange of energies, mutual pleasure and development.

Free flow of sexual energy and less dependence on sex (that is, release from fixation on PSV) give a person more freedom, awareness, creativity, strength to achieve a variety of goals. At the same time – which is wonderful! – pleasure from sex does not decrease, but mutual joy increases!

Lyudmila Ivanovskaya,
psychologist, trainer, specialist in the field of relations
and family constellations

Safe sex on the Internet.  Where to find the right partner?

Safe sex on the Internet. Where to find the right partner?

Safe sex on the Internet. Where to find the right partner?

Nowadays, the Internet has become an integral part of the life of almost every person. It is so tightly interconnected with our daily life that it is very difficult to imagine its absence. The Internet is what makes our life more convenient and easier, more mobile. And the fact that we transferred many aspects of our reality to virtual space in order to save time, and simply because it is easy and convenient, turned out to be quite predictable. One of those moments is online acquaintance.


Making acquaintance on the Internet is easier than, directly, in a real society. The Internet is a zone of almost absolute freedom and expression of one’s desires, which have to be held back in real life due to various conditions, be it observance of etiquette or even violation of current legislation. In the Internet space, it is easier for a person to get rid of complexes and become liberated.

There are many social networks for dating on the Internet, both of general importance (classmates, VKontakte, my world) and specialized ones, which aim to find their soul mate (mamba, loveplanet) as the main goal. One of the main reasons for dating the opposite sex is to satisfy sexual needs. Prolonged lack of sex often leads to the destruction of personal life. Negative attitude towards others, irritability – these are just a few of the symptoms that a lonely, dissatisfied person suffers from.

Naturally, when meeting on the Internet, you are not immune from a flurry of offers to immediately engage in sex, but, in turn, the Internet protects you from direct physical harassment. This is definitely a positive point.

So, where to start looking for a potential partner in the interactive space. First of all, you need to decide and realize why you need a partner: for a serious relationship or directly for sex for a while.

Sex without obligation: the simpler the goal, the easier and faster it is to achieve. For those who are least fortunate in real relationships or who cannot start them due to lack of time, just throw a cry: “I want sex!”, Attach a spicy “photo”, and ... you can count the seconds until potential partners appear. Of course, the quality and contingent will vary, there is nothing to be done. We select applicants and choose the lucky one. Well, what did you expect? Everyone wants! Perhaps this relationship will develop into something more serious.
For me personally, this kind of relationship is unacceptable and not enjoyable.

Serious relationship: for a serious relationship that includes sex, you must first find the subject of your feelings and desires. Establish communication aimed at deeper acquaintance, so that your partner begins to trust you and let you into your personal space, taking his time and revealing his feelings to you.

It must be remembered that the sooner you transfer your virtual feelings into the real world, the sooner you will know if there is a chance to embody this relationship physically. For seriousness obliges.

To successfully achieve the goal with a successful acquaintance, your joint relationship must go through these main stages:
one) Virtual communication. Through correspondence on social networks.
2)Voice contact by phone or skype.
3) Physical communication and contact.

You must not forget about the dangers that lie in wait for you when meeting on the Internet. On any resource, you may encounter the following participants:

Pickupers. Individuals who are looking for dating solely for the purpose of seduction and replenishment of their collection of victories in the sexual field.

Network trolls. They are amused by playing on your feelings. They will try to bring you into emotional conflict, getting special psychological pleasure from this.

Scammers. This contingent of users makes acquaintances, aimed at getting money and other material benefits from you, under the means of deception. Remember! Your money is just your money. People who accuse you of stinginess cannot be justified by any good feelings and intentions.

Maniacs. The danger that a person you like on the Web may turn out to be a maniac should not be a reason for abandoning this type of relationship. Taking precautions and thoughtful actions will keep you out of trouble and help you avoid dangerous situations.

Regulars of chats / forums. For them, online dating and communication has become a habit with the help of which they get away from everyday bored reality and everyday life. Their goal is most often to conquer the next girl / guy, rather than the desire to have sex.

Returning to reality, I note that the Internet is certainly funny, but every year we feel less and less reality, and, harming our physical body, we are drawn into the stream of ones and zeros. As one of the classics, who wished to remain anonymous, put it: “Have sex gentlemen, and do not have brains for yourself and others!»© Have sex, love each other, do not be shy about your feelings, let sex take not the last place in your life. And to keep your sex safe, remember to use condoms. Luck with searching!

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Article published in Issue 02/12/2015

Updated 07.22.

First sex in a relationship

Today’s article is a synopsis of a recent video of the same name. Images to the text from the same place.

What does the first sex in a new relationship mean for a man? And what does he mean to a woman?

This is where the difference between our sexes is most noticeable. Just as our genitals are different, so is our perception of sex.

Male sex is a conquest and confirmation of your authority. For us, every next woman is a victory tick. We even brag about the number of these checkboxes. It seems like the more of them, the cooler you are. The more attractive a woman is, the more significant the victory.

We kind of wager our next partner for our first sex with her. We ourselves force the woman to bargain. It is not clear to a woman whether they want a serious relationship with her, or use and throw. Therefore, a woman is forced to postpone the first sex with another man in order to surrender this position in exchange for male obedience.

For a woman, first sex is a much more intimate process. It is an act of trusting a man. This self-disclosure and rapprochement is not even so much bodily as sensual soul. Therefore, a woman is delaying the first sex, not because she is an insidious manipulator, but because the relationship must grow to this intimacy.

To understand, imagine that some murky stranger crawls into your soul, turns you inside out under the pretext of a future close friendship. Say, you just trust now – then you will not regret it. As a result, they trampled in the shower, spit and left with a grin.

Therefore, a woman perceives male impatience with caution – as a sign of a womanizer.

Of course, it is also unclear to a man why a woman is postponing her first sex. Why all this endless courtship and sacrifice of flowers? Maybe she is filling herself up in order to drive under the heel?

Even more, the man is frightened by the suspicion that the woman is not sleeping with him, because she is holding him on a hook as a fallback. At the same time, it raises self-esteem due to his attention. And she treats herself to restaurants. Men are also distrustful and vulnerable.

Women endure abstinence much easier. And we men are preoccupied. Society keeps us from brutal arbitrariness. From 13 to 20 years old, we can quietly go crazy with sexual overexcitement. All thoughts are about one thing. And you still need to learn somehow and pretend that nothing is happening. Society underestimates this problem, does not teach how to cope with this incredible stress. Only chuckles softly at teen masturbation.

Men are afraid of responsibility. Women are afraid of irresponsibility. The whole game is around this. On I have already spoken about responsibility here.

At the beginning of a relationship, the male position is: “The main thing is to sleep at the lowest cost, and then we’ll see.” For a woman, the main thing is to check a man: whether he imitates reliability, whether he is worthy. If it is worthy, then – to tame a man, so that from a wild one he becomes a domestic one. Then, so be it will get its first night.

And only after the first sex it turns out whether the man had sex for the sake of a victorious tick, or honestly wanted something serious. A man himself may not know.

First time sex in a relationship is always another compatibility test. Nobody knows what will come of it. A woman can also be disappointed after the first night – and send a man. And already he will feel used. It happens.

Not even the first sex can change everything, but the first kiss. Here is a beloved in front of you, and you kiss – and like a relative: no passion, but just your mouth and drool. And this is impossible to explain. As if they did not coincide at the energy level.

The opposite also happens – the person is not particularly pleasant, but after bodily contact, he unexpectedly clings. The same magic “chemistry”. Can’t be predicted.

Therefore, it is not necessary to take the first sex that happened as a guarantee of a relationship. This is just another bridge for possible rapprochement. Here, let’s pay tribute to men: a successful first sex is such a good reason to continue dating.

There is a stereotype that the first sex is always the best. It’s a delusion. On the first night, there is no trust between partners, feelings are superficial, and stiffness and excitement can ruin everything.

When you have known a person for a long time, you love and accept at a deep level, you seem to dissolve in each other. Such sensations cannot be reproduced on the first night.

Igor Satorin

Yesterday on my youtube-channel a fresh video was released in continuation of the topic. If the video format is not to your liking, wait, a text version will appear the other day.

Sex and sexuality

Why is it important to talk about sex?
What is sexuality? How to awaken her?
Why are most women dissatisfied with their sex life?
How is pornography and sex abuse harmful?

Today – about that.

Have you ever wondered how strange sex is compared to the rest of your life? After all, we are surrounded by serious people. They dress decently. Smart words are spoken. They look mature and respectable.

And they … have sex: they shed their decent clothes, forget clever words and, as it were, descend to the animal level. They rip off their masks, strip themselves – and this animal process begins. They move chaotically and passionately, inarticulate shouting, moaning, mooing … In general, they show their sexuality.

If all this is not about you (does not fit into your usual image), you will be ashamed of your sexuality and suppress it. This leads to a variety of sexual disorders.

It is important to trust your sexuality, not to crush it with a cold mind. Otherwise, sex will not be a living interaction, but a mechanical ritual.

Sexuality is not youth and forms, but trust in your passion. Sexy is one who has not suppressed his primitive nature, but tamed it.

A man is turned on only by a woman who loves sex. We look forward to what pleasure a woman will get from sex – and we want to deliver it. This is our male victory. We are excited by a premonition of female pleasure. The more a woman likes sex, the more attractive she is.

And if a woman is dry, and during sex did not make a sound, this is tantamount to impotence. It’s not sexy.

It is the same with a man. If he, like an idol, is passive and impassive, then the woman will seem empty, lifeless – and, of course, unattractive.

Therefore, it is so important to be able to express your passion. You can be shameless and even vicious with your beloved. To make him feel your desire. As if you are no longer people, but a male and a female. Then the man will show his lively male side of sexuality, and the woman will show her sensual, feminine side.

This kind of sex rejuvenates: it reminds you that you are still alive and full of energy.

This is especially important for a woman. If a woman is relaxed and sexy, she will feel like a real woman. Her life energy circulates more freely. The woman becomes happier. And she attracts a man so natural and blooming more strongly.

In this vein, loving yourself means accepting your sexual nature, not being ashamed of your desires, but expressing them openly in relationships.

Sexuality also paints a man. But our self-esteem depends more strongly on social fulfillment. A man may be cool in sex, but still remain a beloved hunter and breadwinner. On, I talked in more detail about self-esteem in this article.

Talk about sex

Sexual stiffness also prevents us from talking about sex. They did all the work, and shyly fell silent. It was as if all those sighs were just missing.

You can and should talk about sex. Otherwise, in bed you will not get what you want, but what you get. You will have to endure in silence everything that your partner does with you.

Today’s article is a synopsis of a recent video of the same name. Images to the text from the same place.

Some women take it for the norm when they are simply raped – the man did his job, was satisfied and left. As a result, the woman quietly hates both sex itself and the man for using her body. There is even a stereotype that only men need sex, but for women it is torture.

Aside from sex, how do you know your partner’s preferences? What are his erogenous zones? How much foreplay does it take? What rhythm does he like? For some, passionate and energetic sex suits. To others, it seems ridiculous physical education, but slow and sensual suits.

If your partner is embarrassed to talk about sex, discard him the link to this text. Let it uncover.

It is better for your regular partner to immediately conduct a course of classes on the topic “how to please you.” With theory and practice.

Even during the process, if something is not to your liking, you can correct your partner a couple of times. Otherwise, compulsion and tension will penetrate into sex.


Another popular problem in sex is the varying pace of arousal. The man gets excited and satisfied faster. And if he is not satisfied, then he also calms down quickly, without serious consequences. The woman is excited and satisfied longer. And if, being excited, she is not satisfied, she experiences it much more difficult. It harms both women’s health and psyche. If you began to excite a woman, bring it to a climax.

What does this alignment of forces lead to?

If a man does not care for female satisfaction, he becomes unwanted. And don’t be surprised that your partner has a headache every time before having sex. This is such a “psychosomatics”.

If a woman forces a man to prolong sex artificially, then she already becomes unwanted. Nobody likes forced sex. And the obsessive partner causes rejection.

Therefore, in sex, it is so important for partners to maintain the same level of arousal.

The woman will need more stimulation. And there is no need to lie on a log and wait for a man to do everything himself – he is also not a sex machine. Do not hesitate to help yourself: female masturbation during sex is completely natural.

It is important for partners to balance on the same wavelength, but do not go to extremes and try to synchronize orgasms. If someone finished early, that’s okay.

And again: talk about sex!

If the partner finally gets aroused when the man has cooled down half an hour ago, he will be out of shape. And this is not impotence and not a reason for shame, but a reason for conversation. Feel free to talk about the nuances of your sexuality. Remove the taboo from this topic. Do not expect that everything will somehow work out quietly for you. Consistency comes from negotiating and listening to each other.

Pornography and burnout

Another common problem in sex is burnout. Sex ceases to please if it is abused.

You don’t have to have sex, or masturbate out of boredom to have fun. Squeezing orgasms out of the body is a direct road to impotence and frigidity. If you are not being aroused easily and spontaneously, but only by efforts through force, then you have simply squeezed yourself out. It’s time to pause and refrain from self-gratification. At least for a while, until sexual arousal comes again spontaneously without stimulation.

Hold on for a few weeks if necessary. And one day the passion will return.

Another reason for burnout in sex is pornography. The more actively you stuff yourself with luxurious bodies from the screen, the more boring reality seems.

If you are used to being satisfied with pornography, and your beloved spouse does not turn you on, it’s time to admit that you are getting drunk.

Sometimes snickering lovers try to regain their former passion by increasing the dose: they try something new, forbidden. But what is required, on the contrary, is to slow down, to give yourself a break.

Imagine that you ate too many cakes, and in addition, you are also stuffed with a hot lunch. You will be turned back from him. And the same dinner will seem divine if you have time to get hungry.

To enjoy sex, you need to miss it. Feed yourself in moderation. Do not overdo it. Then the passion will return.

And do not walk around the apartment naked – this devalues ​​your intimate space. Let the nudity remain a gift to each other.

Another popular problem in sex is relationship-related. The sexiest qualities are confidence and self-sufficiency. And if the partner, like a child, is helpless and whiny, he will not cause attraction. Addiction is not sexy.

Almost everyone has problems in sex. Share this text with your friends and family.

Igor Satorin

To summarize:
Desire kills forced sex, violence against oneself.
Desire kills the partner’s asexuality when he does not enjoy sex: like an idol – passive, impassive, he does everything mechanically, without making a sound.
Desire kills an immoderate amount of sex and masturbation – orgasm should not become commonplace.
Desire kills pornography when you want more and more badly.
Desire kills the partner’s infantilism and insecurity – any non-sexual behavior.
Draw parallels and answer the question: “What strengthens your sex life?”