Each of us knows very well how exciting the first date is. You spend so much time and effort to choose a suitable outfit, and uninvited thoughts come into your head: “What if I’ll blurt out something stupid? What if you don t like me? And the first date will be the last … “
What should be remembered in order to a) win over a person, b) evaluate the prospect of further relationships, c) enjoy the time spent together? Here are some tips.
Relax!
When you are relaxed, you are natural, open; you feel calm, in harmony with yourself and others.
“It s not that easy,†you say. “How can I reach the state of Zen when I am burning with excitement?” There is a good way.
Just keep the thought in mind: in the end, either the person likes you or not.
This rule works both at the physiological and subconscious levels.
You can spend a lot of time on your hair, choosing shoes or the perfect shirt – and the brain signals him (or her) “no”, because, you see, the pheromones are not the right ones.
In addition, each of us has an ideal image of a partner. And at the first meeting, whether we like it or not, we project it onto a real person. If there is a deep dissonance – alas: “Thank you for a great evening, but we are very different.”
So, everything is simple, we repeat: either you like it or not. Everything! So relax and have fun. Great wine, isn t it? That s the same.
Ask the right questions
Do you want to unobtrusively understand whether this person is “your� Here s a quick three-question cheat sheet to help you learn more about him and assess the prospects for a relationship:
Does he have friends and how long have they been friends? (That is, whether he knows how to maintain a long-term relationship and compromise.)
Who are his friends? (We determine the circle of friends, life values.)
How does he see his future, say, in 5 years? (Well, what have we got here with goals and ideals?)
In general, we probe the soil, but so that it does not resemble an interview, or even more so an interrogation. It is worth asking such questions not in a row with a machine-gun burst, but from time to time during a date. Plus, each question will give impetus to a new round of an exciting and useful conversation.
Be kind to your partner
Pleasant disposition to a person, but not choking delight. The wild admiration seems to be fake. But adequate sympathy – it just creates an aura of trust.
One more nuance is important here. There are no ideal people. Everyone has small flaws, and this makes us human.
So show your partner that you see his imperfection and … do not attach much importance to it. Then he will see that he is accepted for who he is, and will relax, return to his comfort zone.
Don t be afraid of your own imperfection
On the contrary, use it as leverage to lure your partner over to your side.
Did you accidentally knock over a glass of wine at dinner in a cafe?
“Well, I keep dropping something all the time. It s good that now it s just a glass, and not a bank card in a street drain, like a couple of days ago. ”
Everything, the bridge is built! The partner will either remember a similar story, or sympathize. In any case, the disadvantage will paradoxically be ranked among … your merits. Some absent-mindedness and awkwardness is so cute.
A person who sees his shortcomings and knows how to laugh at himself makes it clear: he is confident in himself and at the same time evaluates himself soberly. Frankness and light self-irony make a person desirable and attractive.
On the first date, both should not be shy, hide their flaws and show only one, advantageous, side. And who wants to turn their three-dimensional personality into a flat cardboard character?
The first date is a great start for a close and honest relationship built on trust and acceptance of each other with all the flaws.
Alexey Afanasov,
psychologist, leading practice and trainings