Which is worse: a dysfunctional relationship or loneliness?

To meet your only love, to live your whole life in a happy marriage … This is the cherished dream of most people!

Indeed, in our society, one of the indicators of success is whether you are in a relationship with someone or not.

Sometimes we put up with a long-hated spouse for years, but breaking up is scary! It is better to suffer, wasting energy on an unloved person, than to be left alone and branded as a “loser” …

Why do people prefer dysfunctional relationships

The priority task for most people is to avoid loneliness at any cost, and how a partner suits us is question ten.

Most often, dysfunctional relationships are entered by people who themselves grew up in a family with an unhealthy climate. This behavior is at least familiar and understandable! For example, a certain woman from childhood knows well how to behave if her husband is aggressive – we walk on tiptoe and do not provoke again. So she lives, poor woman, with a tyrant husband, no better than her father.

So we hold with both hands for a relationship in which there is no harmony, no joy of communication, and sometimes a normal sex life. And we don’t even think about the fact that such cohabitation is slowly destroying us, depriving us of strength and health. And at the same time we sincerely believe that any, even dysfunctional relationship is better than their absence!

What is the bottom line? Tired, worn out and devastated, we simply do not have the strength to find a new partner. And many have completely forgotten what a normal relationship is … (Have we dreamed of such a life since childhood?)

Communication with a partner should bring happiness and harmony into our life.

Of course, there are no couples in the world who do not know the problems at all. And in a moderate amount, difficulties in relationships help both partners develop, they teach to overcome their egoism, give love and forgive with all their hearts.

But, I am convinced that the main task of a person is still to be happy (which means grateful and kind), and not to bear the burden of grief and disappointment every minute (which only leads to anger, lack of desires and the inability to love someone).

Signs of a dysfunctional relationship

  • Your partner often insults you, or worse, uses violence. Even if later he repents and swears to you that this is an accident, a surge of emotions – think (and think very seriously!), Because this is nonsense for a normal relationship.

  • Any of your minor offenses becomes a reason for “punishment”: your partner is angry or ignores you, that is, simply manipulates you.

  • For any problem, your partner blames you. Or, at worst, their exes who “destroyed our happiness.”

  • The partner deliberately hides important information about himself.

  • The partner makes any important decisions (financial, family) alone, your opinion means absolutely nothing to him.

  • Your relationship is more like a neighbor’s. There has been no sex with each other for a long time.

  • There is no intimacy between you: neither spiritual nor sexual.

  • The partner and you are moving in different directions, you have no common interests, and topics of conversation have exhausted themselves.

  • Your partner is often annoying.

  • You have accumulated a lot of grievances and claims that you hide behind coldness.

If this picture is familiar to you – think, do you really need such a relationship? Are you willing to spend years of your life with a partner who gives you nothing in return but humiliation, pain, and disappointment?

Any person is worthy of happiness. Sometimes it’s worth leaving (no matter how painful the breakup and no matter how frightening the prospect of loneliness!) To start from scratch …

Lyudmila Ivanovskaya,
psychologist, trainer, specialist in the field of relations
and family constellations

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