A break with a loved one, and even on his initiative, is always painful and insulting. A woman’s vanity will be completely crushed if more than one relationship has ended in such a humiliating ending for her.
Men change, and the situation repeats itself over and over again. What conclusion can the poor thing draw? Something is wrong with me! Or: normal men died out, were left alone …
And the answer to this question lies in the woman herself, her attitude towards herself and men. On the way to a prosperous personal life, you will have to change internally, but do we want to find that one and live happily ever after with him? Then go ahead!
Imagine a woman who is once again abandoned. What is she thinking at this moment? “All men are the same!” Yes, perhaps they do have some common traits. After all, every woman has a portrait of her prince in her head, which she is looking for in each of her partners. It also happens that you get to know completely different men and at first everything goes fine, but in the end everything rolls into a break under similar circumstances.
It turns out that something inside you provokes such a development of events. To figure out what it is, you have to mentally go back to the very first time you were dumped. Remember when it was and how. What did you feel and think at that moment. Evaluate sensibly, as if looking at the situation from the outside, that not everything in this case depended on you.
Sometimes people are not right for each other, and there is nothing special about that. This one did not fit, another will do. And you could leave this man if you realized, for example, that you are not interested in together, this is not your person, or you are simply not ready to develop the relationship further.
In childhood and adolescence, we are very sensitive and vulnerable. It seems to us that everything revolves around us and happens through our fault. Of course, this is an illusion. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of other people. There are thousands of reasons not related to us why a person made such a decision. All we can do is change our inner picture of the world in order to attract the “right” partner to us.
The father often plays a fatal role in a woman’s life. Willingly or unwillingly, he could convince you that you are not worthy of love. If your father did not show feelings for you, maybe he was, in principle, a cold and little emotional person. Or that you might be preferred to someone else (a new family or another child, for example). Did he leave the family? This only applies to his relationship with your mom, not you.
We are all a bit actors. Without realizing this, we begin to play a familiar role for others and follow the same scenario in relationships. Without attitudes and self-identification of themselves with a certain role, people would not know how to behave in a given situation.
Our minds also need rules with evidence. Once a certain order of things takes root in our consciousness, it seems natural and true. To maintain inner balance, our brains will search for more evidence of this theorem and sweep aside exceptions to the rule.
Perhaps in the family or acquaintances there have already been repeated cases when girls / women were left alone not on their own initiative. Then a woman, having no other experience, subconsciously joins the ranks of “losers” in her personal life.
Another feature of our psyche: endless attempts to correct past mistakes, to play the same scenario, but with a happy ending. “Next time, it will be different for me!” – with this thought, a woman enters into the following relationship, but … alas and ah, everything ends the same way as the previous time.
The miracle will not happen until we change our attitude to this situation.
Think of past experience as a lesson from which to draw conclusions. I am convinced that every test is given to us for self-development. You can get out of the vicious circle.
Have you ever met happy couples, decent men, strong relationships? Well, is there at least one example? Let it be among distant acquaintances, stars or bloggers. Anyone? Tadam! Hence, happiness is possible! There are exceptions to the rule. On this basis, you can change yourself, your idea of men and relationships for the better.
Superficial causes of rupture
1. You initially tried to play a part that was not yours to please a man.
When your farce was revealed, it became obvious that you were not the woman he fell in love with.
2. You chose not to notice what kind of person your partner really is and came up with a more attractive image for him.
When it became clear that the chosen one does not want to correspond to your ideal in any way, it seems to you that he “changed” or pretended to be someone else.
In both cases, you probably don’t initially fit together, but have tried to pretend that you are not. I really wanted to be in a relationship. Insincerity and pretense can ultimately lead to frustration and pain.
Be yourself, do not try to please a man at any cost. And do not come up with a parterre, what he or what he should become. More often than not, people don’t change. It will be fairer and more effective if you do not dwell in illusions from the very beginning.
Root causes of ruptures
You are not confident in yourself, do not believe that you can and deserve to find your happiness.
Basic trust in men has not been formed in your inner world. Even if you meet a good person, you will still broadcast your attitudes to him until he begins to correspond to your idea of men and betrays you.
For some reason, you are afraid of serious relationships and avoid them, connecting with those with whom, in principle, it is impossible to start a family.
So, we work in two directions: we eliminate mistakes in our behavior that kill the feelings of men (read also the article “From what men run from”). And we heal the inner world, getting rid of negative images, scenarios, attitudes, replacing them with faith in ourselves, in love and healthy strong relationships.
Nothing is impossible, girls!
psychologist, trainer, specialist in the field of relations
and family constellations
Training initiation for the adoption of men
(Conducted by Lyudmila Ivanovskaya)
“It’s hard for me to trust men. I already got burned once, now that’s enough. They are all weaklings. I can do anything myself. I do not need anybody”.
Who are men? How can you learn to trust them? How to respect them? And where to get acceptance ?!
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