How to take the first step towards a girl - basic principles

What a perfect guy should be – basic qualities

Who is he, the perfect guy? What should it be? How many people, so many opinions. Each girl has her own ideal. One wants a rich and cute boy, the second will be grateful if she finds a loyal and affectionate life partner.

Don’t look for a copy!

One of the most deplorable mistakes is finding a guy who looks like someone else. For example, the search for a guy like Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp is unlikely to end well. Yes, they are great actors. Yes, their appearance may be ideal for someone, but in addition to their appearance, one must also take into account the inner qualities of a person. Alas, the longer you date the copy guy, the less he will resemble the original, the less you like it. And the handsome man is unlikely to have a wonderful character. In addition, after a while you will start to be jealous or break up, as many girls may like your boyfriend. The result is not a fairy tale, but a complete failure. The fictitious “star” will think only of himself, selfishly rejecting the needs of other people, so you shouldn’t make the search for a young man who is necessarily like someone else the meaning of your life.

Ideals are rare… It is possible, however, to single out several patterns, several qualities of guys that especially attract beautiful ladies. Let’s consider the main criteria.

The guy shouldn’t be a drinker

He can drink on holidays, but that’s all. A lot of fights occur due to excessive alcohol consumption by one of the partners. Cheating and scandals can firmly enter life. A person who is not addicted to alcohol is more positive and optimistic than an alcoholic. In our time, it is very difficult to meet such a person, therefore, if a guy drinks only on big holidays, this is already good. Choose the lesser of evils!

A young man must be independent

Infantile mama’s sons cause negative feelings, they are not able to make decisions on their own. Yet it is not in vain that there is an expression “like behind a stone wall.” A man should protect and solve those problems that a woman cannot cope with, and not just stand on the sidelines. And one can hardly expect accomplishments from mama’s son.

Sensitivity is a big plus for any person.

If a guy feels when his girlfriend is not well, when she is in a bad mood, has a headache, or is simply tired, this is very nice.


Appearance is also one of the criteria for choosing a guy. A neat looking guy will get more attention than a hunched over young man with unwashed hair and yellow teeth. Just remember that fashionistas are too self-absorbed. And such a position in life does not guarantee happiness in a relationship. If the relationship is serious “I” disappears – “WE” appears. This is the only way to create a strong pair.

Parenting is an obvious plus

The guy should be well-mannered. Knowledge of the basic rules of behavior and etiquette is necessary, since without this it is simply a shame to appear in a decent society. At first, a girl, inspired by love, may not notice the flaws in the behavior of her lover, but after a while she will see them. Hardly anyone will like living with a boorish gopnik.


A guy should learn to take timely initiative. It is worth delighting the lady with spontaneity: unexpected trips to the cinema, gallery or cafe, trips. For entertainment of such a plan, a young man should be responsible, and not his companion, therefore initiative will become one of the most important qualities of a guy close to the ideal.

Pleasant character

Character plays a very important role. It is he who largely determines the development of relations. The chosen one must understand some female actions, forgive small whims, some irascibility and nervousness, so characteristic of individual women. If a guy does not know how to control himself, then this will split the relationship in the future. A girl should not give a guy a reason to quarrel, but he should not be too aggressive.


It is easier to communicate with an intellectually developed person. With a thinking, well-read interlocutor, you can always find common topics that are interesting to both of you. It is very important to talk with each other, it helps to better understand the inner world of the partner. If a person has nothing to talk about, then he will quickly get bored.

Material goods

Material security attracts many girls. But not everyone has money. And those ladies who define this criterion as the most important in choosing a life partner can only sympathize, since the main thing is sincerity and love, and not the presence of banknotes in a fat wallet. Money will not create happiness or turn indifference into love.

Loyalty and honesty

Of course, the perfect guy must be loyal to his girlfriend. A true gentleman does not stare at other girls. The main task of the girl will be not to give her lover a reason to change, although if a young man really loves, there are no girls for him except her.


A man should be able to help provide for a family. A woman should not work alone, and a man should not just lie on the couch. Everyone is able to do their little bit to cover the overall costs.

Each has its own ideal

Everyone has different tastes, each girl has her own qualities in priority, but more often than not, the ideal guy is described that way.

Yes, there are no comrades for the taste and color. One girl may be crazy about a blonde with blue eyes playing the violin, and the other will be attracted by a dark-eyed chef. It should be so. The most important thing is that a guy should eradicate aggressiveness, ignorance and bad manners in himself. Appearance is not the main criterion for everyone., so simple neatness will suffice.

Women of different age groups will look for different men. For example, a woman who has already passed thirty years old will most likely be looking for a good husband and father for future children, but a younger person will just need a cheerful, intelligent and attentive person.

Ultimately, we can say that the ideal guy is a person with good looks, neat, well-read, independent and not deprived of spiritual kindness.

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  • Male psychology

The perfect marriage is the path to divorce

Contemporary lovestory.

She just adores him. Yes, and he is crazy about her … And so the guys decide to get married. And, as usual, they arrange for themselves the perfect magnificent wedding. On this they should stop.

But no! Between work and household chores the newly-minted wife studies articles of psychologists on the Internet. Learns how to build harmonious relationships with her husband, his family and their (future) child …

The husband, too, no, no, and will follow the coveted link. How else to become the right husband and father?

But something doesn’t work out perfectly. Well, you don’t need such a relationship at all. There is no longer any strength to improve them! And it is better to look for another person more suitable for the perfect picture.

Seems like I’m slightly exaggerating? May be so. I deliberately thickened the colors. But from my own experience and the experience of my clients, I know that the most detrimental to marriage is trying to create an ideal family. Childhood dream to marry a prince. Well, at least once and for all!

Too much information!

The newlyweds want to do everything right. They all the time ask themselves questions: “Is this normal?”, “Is this how it should be?”, “Is it like that for everyone?”

Now on the Internet you can learn a lot of useful things. How to build a harmonious relationship with your mother-in-law? How to answer if the mother-in-law “wants to command” in your family? And in addition to the requested information, many new topics usually pop up at once, which have not been thought about before.

For example, should the wife be allowed to be friends with her male classmates VKontakte? “HM. Stop. Do not even know. And what, it is necessary to control this issue too, so that the marriage does not break up? I wonder if it’s true if she is friends with them? There. In contact with. I have to ask somehow. But how? You just can’t ask in the forehead. ” New request: “How to talk to your wife correctly …” We start reading. “Wow! So I, it turns out, before that spoke with my wife completely wrong. Nightmare. We urgently need to change and fix everything. ”

Do you understand what I mean? The process of obtaining new information on how to live properly in a family is endless.

And imagine that not only husband and wife, but also father-in-law with mother-in-law and mother-in-law with father-in-law are engaged in all these searches for “the rules of life”. Maybe they don’t read on the Internet, but in their favorite newspaper. Then the children will catch up, they will begin to enlighten. And collective attempts not only to communicate and enjoy life, but to love each other “correctly” lead to disastrous consequences.

Whose advice do you follow?

Alarmed spouses and household members consider it necessary to constantly enlighten and develop, because without this there will be no happiness.

But sources of information are rarely checked. Numerous recommendations of “experts” from the Internet are trusted more than the opinions of loved ones. And there is a dime a dozen of educational programs around, they are released to the delight of perfectionists in batches. Only conflicting advice is even more confusing.

But who is writing these articles?

Few people think about how competent the authors of the article are in the field of family relations.

Divorced psychologists instruct you on how to refresh your feelings if, after ten years of marriage, “you no longer feel the same attraction to each other.” Childless journalists give advice on raising difficult teens. Unmarried ladies are ready to tell you how to properly build a relationship with her husband.

And if this is really a professional psychologist, is his advice suitable for everyone? And can you limit yourself to reading the article?

Indeed, for real work and competent professional advice, it is necessary to meet with a psychologist and conduct at least one consultation. The work should go exactly with your family, with your unique situation.

You don’t start giving yourself shots or pills after reading an article on the Internet, do you?

Ideally for whom?

There are no two identical people or two identical families in the world.

This also manifests itself at the most elementary level. Some people like blondes, and some like redheads. Give one girl a pile of muscles, and another – a gentle and vulnerable prince.

And the same variety of tastes and needs will be seen in deeper things.

For some, the main thing in a family is to do everything together, on the same wavelength. We climbed Elbrus, listening to the same music. We have a lot of mutual friends.

And for someone it is important that the house is in perfect order. And, please, without these nightclubs and a bunch of friends hanging out in the living room on weekends. We are resting at home, and apart from each other too. A person needs personal space.

Both will be “normal” and “correct.” And even perfect in its own way. It’s just that one family is perfect for one thing, and for another – something completely different.

All that is natural …

It is also important to forgive yourself and your family members for small weaknesses.

Do not eradicate all of your spouse’s shortcomings. To achieve complete frankness, which is already turning into excessive exposure of the soul. Or, on the contrary, prohibit any raising of the voice and deviation from the stereotype “there is peace and quiet in our family.”

In general, there is no need to try to fit everything into a common ideal. On the contrary, you can do everything wrong in your family. Do not wash dishes immediately after eating. Or, on the contrary, it is imperative to wash immediately, even if you fall from your feet from fatigue. Bring coffee to bed in the morning or never allow yourself and your loved one to eat in the bedroom. Everything that naturally developed in your family and suits you, this is your ideal family.

I’ll say a seditious thing now, I guess. Quarreling and sorting things out is also natural. Families are made up of real people. Each of them has its own strengths and weaknesses, its own habits, its own preferences. And a harmonious marriage is created through dialogue. Sincere, frank, sometimes – in a dialogue to break.

The family is a place of safety, where we reveal our weakest sides and hidden desires. It is important that the other person can accept us as we are. Imperfect. Tired. Angry with the boss. Hungry and irritated. Weak. Such family and loved ones.

The main thing that makes us a real family is still love. That nagging feeling when you walk past a room in which a tired spouse is dozing on the couch, and quietly cover him with a blanket. Or when in the morning before work you run out into the cold to clean the snow from the car of your beloved wife. This is what makes the couple a real family.

Why look for a far-fetched ideal if you already feel good together here and now?

Lyudmila Ivanovskaya,
psychologist, trainer, specialist in the field of relations
and family constellations